wpr
  • wpr
  • Preferred Member Topic Starter
10 years ago
[URL="http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/22/sunday-review/please-dont-thank-me-for-my-service.html?partner=msft_msn&_r=0"]NYTimes by By MATT RICHTEL[/URL]

HUNTER GARTH was in a gunfight for his life — and about to lose.

“I’m going to die here with my best friends,” he recalled thinking.
I didn’t know any of this — nor the remarkable story of his survival that day — when I met him two months ago in Colorado while reporting for an article about the marijuana industry, for which Mr. Garth and his company provide security. But I did know he was a vet and so I did what seemed natural: I thanked him for his service.

“No problem,” he said.

It wasn’t true. There was a problem. I could see it from the way he looked down. And I could see it on the faces of some of the other vets who work with Mr. Garth when I thanked them too. What gives, I asked? Who doesn’t want to be thanked for their military service?

Many people, it turns out. Mike Freedman, a Green Beret, calls it the “thank you for your service phenomenon.” To some recent vets — by no stretch all of them — the thanks comes across as shallow, disconnected, a reflexive offering from people who, while meaning well, have no clue what soldiers did over there or what motivated them to go, and who would never have gone themselves nor sent their own sons and daughters.

Mr. Garth, 26, said that when he gets thanked it can feel self-serving for the thankers, suggesting that he did it for them, and that they somehow understand the sacrifice, night terrors, feelings of loss and bewilderment. Or don’t think about it at all.

The idea of giving thanks while not participating themselves is one of the core vet quibbles, said Mr. Freedman, the Green Beret. The joke has become so prevalent, he said, that servicemen and women sometimes walk up to one another pretending to be “misty-eyed” and mockingly say “Thanks for your service.”



A few months ago my wife and I were eating dinner at a local restaurant. The table next to us had a young couple, he was wearing his uniform, his father and another friend (Maybe a brother). As they got up to leave his wife left something on the floor behind her chair. (Let's say it was her purse.) My wife got up went over and pointed it out. They were kind of laughing that she always leave something behind.

It was at this point that my wife looked at the young soldier and said, no thank you for your service. Because of what took place prior to my wife telling him this he went a step further and explained to her that, for the most part, they don't want to hear this.

I joined in and together we told the young man that our son had served as well and was wounded while in Afghanistan and then named a few groups that we had sent our money. He said that was different. He said that we understood what our son went through. We told him not really. We know some of the stories. Almost none of the bad ones were relayed to us by our son as he doesn't want to talk to us about them. He nodded.

He went on to tell us if we do want to show support we should join a support group that actually does something. We rattled of several that we belong to. He smiled. My wife hugged him and we went back to our dinner and they went on their way.

I have watched my son over the past 10+ years with this "thank you" phenomenon. When he first joined the local National Guard unit people were thanking him all the time and he was embarrassed. He only spent a few hours a week at the local armory or at one of their training camps. He didn't feel like a real soldier. He had not even had Basic Training yet. So he and I talked about it. He was 18.

It took a while but finally accepted the thanks for all those soldiers who had gone before him and had sacrificed time, limbs, lives, families, jobs and whatever else. Because he was standing in front of the person giving the thanks and the other soldiers were not.

After he returned from Afghanistan his thinking was a lot closer to the other young men in this article. The more time went by the less he wanted to hear a stranger tell him thank you. He never told me until I told him of our conversation in the restaurant.

For the most part these are young men and women. It is hard for them to sort out who is genuine in their appreciation and who is just giving lip service because it is the culturally correct thing to do.

Keep in mind that the first 100 or 1000 people who say the same thing to you is tolerable. When it reaches tens of thousands of times you begin to hate it.

These days I mention first that my son served as well so I sort of understand what they went through. Then I tell them that I really do appreciate the sacrifice that they and their family went through. It takes a little more time to say all of that but the responses I get are a lot more favorable.

If you have not had someone serve but you still want to show your appreciation support an organization that actually provides service to those in uniform not those groups that are really good at raising money in the name of the military but then don't use the funds for the service men and women.

Better yet buy their lunch when you see them sitting in a local restaurant.

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nerdmann
10 years ago
This whole THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE deal was started as a Republican political ploy by G Gordon Liddy.

If you wanna thank a vet, pay for his lunch, kick an organization some money, or make sure that he's not having suicidal ideation.
“Winning is not a sometime thing, it is an all the time thing. You don't do things right once in a while…you do them right all the time.”
Cheesey
10 years ago
Well....I thanked a vet at Walmart a couple days ago. And he and his wife thanked me for doing so.
Fact is, I had no money to buy his lunch, or anything else for that matter.
If I waited until I could afford to do so, I'd never be able to thank a vet.
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Dulak
10 years ago
I dont know ... well I didnt serve over there ... but living here in the UK the soldiers here often dont get thanked more then not they got looked at and talked about in the media like it was bush and blairs thing to do so therefor they had to go but they shouldnt of; I get a sense that they are not appreciated that much for doing they duty there.

In the past I often talked to these guys and asked em about things or bought them a beer - suppose its one way of showing appreciation.

Im not a big fan of the wars but appreciate the people that have done their duty there and put their life on the line. And think the UK people and media should be more appreciative.



PackFanWithTwins
10 years ago
I have never felt comfortable getting thanked for serving myself. Even though I don't believe I deserve thanks for doing the job I signed up for, now I think it means more to the people thanking me, than it ever did to me, so I try to be as gracious as I can when I accept their thanks.
The world needs ditch diggers too Danny!!!
Wade
  • Wade
  • Veteran Member
10 years ago
I admire all who serve, in whatever capacity.

But in the rare case that I approach a stranger in uniform (at an airport or restaurant or whatever), I admit I first look at the fruit salad. If they're wearing a CIB or a Purple Heart or a "V" on their Bronze Star, then I'm pretty sure that they haven't just served, but they've served where it gets hot. Similar if its a Marine NCO wearing at least three stripes.

And, though there are very few of them left now, I really admire those who enlisted "for the duration."


And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
Pack93z
10 years ago
Well I can tell you in talking to my father and his buddies that returned from Vietnam that they would have gladly been thanked opposed to what some of them were subjected to upon the return.
"The oranges are dry; the apples are mealy; and the papayas... I don't know what's going on with the papayas!"
Cheesey
10 years ago

Well I can tell you in talking to my father and his buddies that returned from Vietnam that they would have gladly been thanked opposed to what some of them were subjected to upon the return.

Originally Posted by: Pack93z 



That is something that still bothers me too. The way the Vietnam vets were treated on their return home was criminal. No matter how you feel about that war, the guys that fought for our country deserved respect and adoration for their service. Not the spitting on and "baby killer" crap they got.
The vet I thanked the other day was a vietnam vet. His wife told me that he never got any "thank you's" before. It never should have been like that.
My cousin came back from Vietnam in 1968, and the physical problems he has had since then (agent orange) ruined his life forever.
I hadn't seen him in many years, and back in 1996 I got to spend a weekend with him and go deer hunting with him. I thanked him for his service, and to my surprise, he started crying. In his 28 years since his service, I was the first one that thanked him. I ended up crying with him.
I have had similar things happen like this with total strangers.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a war monger. I hate the fact that there are any wars. But wars do happen. And those that put their lives on the line for us, and other people, deserve respect.
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DakotaT
10 years ago
I thank our troops by paying my taxes and voting for people who will try and make sure they receive the proper health care and financial support they deserve. And then of course I spew hatred towards all the horrible people that gut vet benefits and give tax breaks to the undeserved.
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Cheesey
10 years ago
I also pay taxes and vote for those I believe will take care of our vets. The democrat Tammy Baldwin, of Wisconsin, was told of gross negligence at the Vets hospital in Wautoma Wisconsin, and ignored it, and vets died because of it. I didn't vote for her, I can tell you that.
But I also know that taking a few seconds of my time to actually SAY "thank you", is appreciated by those that have fought for our (and others) rights.
It doesn't cost me anything but a few seconds of my time.
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Martha Careful (10h) : ty bboystyle...fat fingers
bboystyle (11h) : Tom*
Martha Careful (18h) : RIP Packer Safety Tim Brown
beast (27-Apr) : Yeah, but also some of the wording suggestions Jax only pranked called the QB, not the others... and if he had an open spreadsheet & 3 calls
beast (27-Apr) : Thank goodness he's not leaving the Turtle in the Red Tide
Mucky Tundra (27-Apr) : Cowboys 1st round pick Tyler Booker will indeed be bringing his pet turtle to Dallas with him
Mucky Tundra (27-Apr) : that contained all prospects info and contact
Mucky Tundra (27-Apr) : beast, according the Falcons statement Jax came across it on an ipad. If I had to guess, probably an open spread sheet or something
Zero2Cool (27-Apr) : Simmons put up an emoji with cheese.
beast (27-Apr) : Not sure anyone is interested in Isaiah Simmons... Collin Oliver might of taken his potential slot
beast (27-Apr) : I'm going with Jax Ulbrich is not telling the whole truth... he accidentally came across it? Why would a defensive coordinator have a QB #?
Zero2Cool (27-Apr) : He's not that great, but final piece of the script.\
Zero2Cool (27-Apr) : If we add Isaiah Simmons, book your Super Bowl tickets
Mucky Tundra (27-Apr) : Colts 1st round TE Tyler Warren also got prank called, was that Jax Ulbrich as well?
Zero2Cool (27-Apr) : Jax Ulbrich, Jeff Ulbrich’s son, released an apology for his role in the Shedeur Sanders prank call.
Martha Careful (27-Apr) : apparently he did not participate in practice or play on the east west shrine game nor the NFL combine. The kid was a mediocre spoiled brat
Mucky Tundra (27-Apr) : Yeah that one that was a super wounded duck that Sanders supporters are highlighting to prove a point
Zero2Cool (27-Apr) : Shough is the guy who missed guys at combine isn't he?
beast (27-Apr) : It's not official until I'm dead! I have a chance still! (Not really)
Mucky Tundra (27-Apr) : I could feel my body decomposing in real time when I read that
Mucky Tundra (27-Apr) : @MIKEYSAINRISTIL Tyler Shough will officially be the last person drafted to the NFL born in the 1900’s
Mucky Tundra (26-Apr) : saw the tweet, he meant the city
Mucky Tundra (26-Apr) : Was that for the team or the city?
Zero2Cool (26-Apr) : Adam Schefter @AdamSchefter · 3m Draft grade is in: Green Bay gets an A. The people, the city, the venue were all superb. NFL Draft’s next
Zero2Cool (26-Apr) : Matt LaFleur says Jaire Alexander is participating in #Packers offseason program, which has been conducted virtually during this first week
Zero2Cool (26-Apr) : ✅ ...
buckeyepackfan (26-Apr) : Check
Zero2Cool (26-Apr) : Matthew Golden cahanged 81 to 22??
TheKanataThrilla (26-Apr) : Sam Howell to Vikings...guess no Aaron
Martha Careful (26-Apr) : 1 round 7 min, with one extra minute if there is a trade. 2nd round 4 minutes, 3rd -3, 2 thereafter IMO
Martha Careful (26-Apr) : Agree
dfosterf (26-Apr) : Great idea imo
dfosterf (26-Apr) : 1st round to 7 minutes with one extension
dfosterf (26-Apr) : NFL comissioner wants to shorten the 2st
Mucky Tundra (26-Apr) : @jalenreagors They’re discussing if Sheduer can go back to college on NFL Network LMFAOOOOO
beast (26-Apr) : Great point Martha
beast (26-Apr) : Buddy Ryan used to say if a candy bar goes missing, there are two to blame, Rex and Rob 🤪 jk 😁
Martha Careful (26-Apr) : Bum Phillips used to say there are two ways to get better. Get better players or get players to play better. We have a new DL coach
Zero2Cool (26-Apr) : Yes. Look at the losses last year. They can win.
beast (26-Apr) : Can Packers win with their current DL?
bboystyle (26-Apr) : waiting for a pass rusher.
dfosterf (25-Apr) : 5 minutes between picks in the 3rd
dfosterf (25-Apr) : 3rd. Hate this phone
dfosterf (25-Apr) : 4rd
dfosterf (25-Apr) : 5 minutes in the 4
dfosterf (25-Apr) : 7 minutes between picks in the 2nd round
Martha Careful (25-Apr) : Sorry to bitch, but the headline writers in that section absolutely mislead, or don't know how to read. It is maddening
Martha Careful (25-Apr) : No thanks. Not a dependable guy to be in the right place and run the right route. Dumb as a box of rocks.
Zero2Cool (25-Apr) : Losing 2nd round pick for a one year rental, not ideal. Especially a headcase.
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