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wpr
  • wpr
  • Preferred Member
14 years ago
Belated happy birthday engineer.

VR your joke was very cheesey-istic. You keep that up and you will be typing in yellow.
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Nonstopdrivel
14 years ago
So it seems that a lawyer, a physician, and an engineer all managed to piss off the king at the same time, and he duly sentenced all of them to die on the same day. In due time, the day of the execution arrived, and the executioner lead the lawyer up to the guillotine.

"Head up or head down?" he asked gruffly.

"Head up," responded the lawyer bravely.

"Blindfold or no blindfold?" asked the executioner.

"No blindfold," said the lawyer with his game face on.

So the executioner laid the lawyer in the guillotine, raised his axe, and cut the rope. Zing, down came the blade . . . and stopped barely an inch above the lawyer's neck. Well, by the law of the land, if something went wrong with the execution, the accused had to go free. So grumbling under his breath, the executioner released the lawyer.

A moment later he lead the physician up to the guillotine.

"Head up or head down?"

"Head up."

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

"No blindfold."

So the executioner laid the physician in the guillotine, raised his axe, and cut the rope. Zing, down came the blade . . . and sure enough, jammed just an inch above the physician's head. By now cursing openly, the executioner let the physician go.

His patience now taxed to the breaking point, the executioner dragged the engineer up to the guillotine.

"Head up or head down?" he demanded.

"Head up."

"Blindfold or no blindfold?" bellowed the executioner.

"No blindfold."

The executioner practically threw the bound engineer onto the guillotine. He stepped back, raised his axe, and commenced the fateful swing.

"STOP!!" screamed the engineer.

"What now?" roared the executioner.

"I see what's wrong with the guillotine!"
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wpr
  • wpr
  • Preferred Member
14 years ago
I know to many engineers not to give you a +1 Non Stop.
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dfosterf
14 years ago
That was a good one. :thumbleft:

OK, I got another one.

An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new bicycle.

"Where did you get such an awesome bike?" asked the first.

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a drop dead beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said "Take whatever you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly "Excellent choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Pack93z
14 years ago
Happy belated birthday... sorry about your auto.. and congrats on your new toy.

But since we are making fun of engineers..


One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.

The car broke down.

The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."

The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."

The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"

The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in, then try a restart."


"The oranges are dry; the apples are mealy; and the papayas... I don't know what's going on with the papayas!"
Pack93z
14 years ago
YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER IF--

The only jokes you receive are through e-mail.

At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string of Christmas lights.

Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.

Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.

In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.

The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.

You are always late to meetings. You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.

You are next in line on death row in a French Prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly, so you offer to fix it.

You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her birthday.

You forget to get a haircut for 6 months.

You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.

You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.

You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.

You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.

You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backward in the chairs to see how they do the special effects.

You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area.

You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.

You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

You have never backed up your hard drive.

You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.

You have used coat hangars and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.

You know what http:// stands for.

You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.

You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.

You see a good design and still have to change it.

You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.

You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it.

You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory.

You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.

You wear black socks with tennis shoes (or vice versa).

You window shop at Radio Shack.

You're in the back seat of your car, she's looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite.

Your checkbook always balances.

Your laptop computer costs more than your car.

Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.

Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300 MHz pentium.

You've already calculated how much you make per second.

You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio.

Your four basic food groups are: Caffeine, Fat, Sugar, and Chocolate.
"The oranges are dry; the apples are mealy; and the papayas... I don't know what's going on with the papayas!"
TheEngineer
14 years ago
Hahah, I love engineering jokes.
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Zero2Cool (18h) : Matt Lafleur on if Jaire will play again this season. "Yeah I don't know... he's been dealing with swelling."
Mucky Tundra (20h) : After the way they played for most of the game yesterday, I don't see how you can sit anyone for the whole game
Zero2Cool (23h) : I'd say play everyone. Going into playoffs at 7th seed on two game lose streak - yucky
Zero2Cool (23h) : Do the Packers have any best players?
beast (23h) : Play or Rest*
beast (23h) : Should the Packers play or free their best players vs the Bears?
Zero2Cool (30-Dec) : Packers should be 3 - 2 in the Division. Bonkers being swept by both Lions and Vikings. yikes
go.pack.go. (30-Dec) : All crazy stuff…and good point beast
beast (30-Dec) : Packers should be 0-5 in the division, can't say I saw that coming, even 1-4
Zero2Cool (30-Dec) : Sam Darnold 35 TD's ... another one
Zero2Cool (30-Dec) : Baker Mayfield, 39 TD's ... can't say I saw that one
Zero2Cool (30-Dec) : No matter who is playing as 7th, I think we want them to win. Get rid of 2nd seed haha
go.pack.go. (30-Dec) : That would be dhazer who was rooting for Minnesota
beast (30-Dec) : Well, Commanders are currently the 6th seed and Packers the 7th
beast (30-Dec) : Who was it in Chat, that wanted the Vikings to win (because Lions fans upset them) because Packers could not lose the 6th seed?
beast (30-Dec) : If Falcons win, Packers stay as the 6th seed and Falcons lead the NFCS, if they lose, Commanders 6th and Bucs take NFCS lead
beast (30-Dec) : Win or Loss, the NFCS is going down to week 18
Mucky Tundra (30-Dec) : if the Falcons win, how does that affect the overall NFC playoff picture? Does it mean that the NFC South comes down to week 18?
beast (30-Dec) : If Commanders win, the Packers drop to the 7th seed
beast (29-Dec) : Taylor still at it!
beast (29-Dec) : Colts get the ball and fumble turn over
packerfanoutwest (29-Dec) : Jets pull Aaron Rodgers for Tyrod Taylor
Mucky Tundra (29-Dec) : Colts-Giants now a tight one
beast (29-Dec) : Still early, but Giants 14 to 3 over Colts
beast (29-Dec) : With Broncos losing to the Bengals, Colts got to control their destiny for the 7th seed... looks like they're about to give it up
Mucky Tundra (29-Dec) : I believe Pickett is starting for Philly
beast (29-Dec) : Is the Eagles QB Hurts playing? I forgot to check
Zero2Cool (29-Dec) : Watson unlikely to play today.
Mucky Tundra (29-Dec) : Good job gpg!
go.pack.go. (29-Dec) : I figured out the signature thing. I had to find a different hosting website
Zero2Cool (28-Dec) : Packers elevated S Omar Brown.
go.pack.go. (28-Dec) : I tried the [img][/img] but that didn’t work
go.pack.go. (28-Dec) : How do I upload a picture to change my signature? I haven’t done it in years lol. I have the picture but can’t get it to work
Mucky Tundra (28-Dec) : Saturday NFL games=the season is about to get serious
Mucky Tundra (28-Dec) : Greg Gumbel passed away today after bout with cancer.
buckeyepackfan (27-Dec) : 1 NFC South @ NFC West @ AFC West other 3 games,
buckeyepackfan (27-Dec) : Packers play NFC East and AFC North in 2025, plus 2 other games
Mucky Tundra (27-Dec) : Geeze Zero get it right!😋
Zero2Cool (27-Dec) : I guess 3 games. Whatever
Zero2Cool (27-Dec) : Bleh, that only impacts two games.
Zero2Cool (27-Dec) : Packers are gonna get 3rd place division schedule next year.
Mucky Tundra (27-Dec) : Kanata, seek help! lol
beast (27-Dec) : I was rooting for the Bears to win and hurt their draft pick status
Zero2Cool (27-Dec) : Forgot there was even a game last night haha
TheKanataThrilla (27-Dec) : That was terrible.
TheKanataThrilla (27-Dec) : Watching that game in its entirety yesterday is proof positive that I am a football addict.
beast (27-Dec) : And horrible time management multiple times... and not being able to score more than 3 points on a team with talent
beast (27-Dec) : Realizing the Bears didn't fix it from the previous week and do the same thing, getting the game to overtime
beast (27-Dec) : They probably are not tanking, but they've absolutely mismanagement some things, such as Vikings seeing the Packers blocked FG and realizing
Zero2Cool (27-Dec) : Crazy of Bears to have that mindset that is
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