YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER IF--
The only jokes you receive are through e-mail.
At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string of Christmas lights.
Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.
In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
You are always late to meetings. You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
You are next in line on death row in a French Prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly, so you offer to fix it.
You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her birthday.
You forget to get a haircut for 6 months.
You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.
You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backward in the chairs to see how they do the special effects.
You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area.
You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
You have never backed up your hard drive.
You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.
You have used coat hangars and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
You know what http:// stands for.
You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.
You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.
You see a good design and still have to change it.
You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it.
You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory.
You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
You wear black socks with tennis shoes (or vice versa).
You window shop at Radio Shack.
You're in the back seat of your car, she's looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite.
Your checkbook always balances.
Your laptop computer costs more than your car.
Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300 MHz pentium.
You've already calculated how much you make per second.
You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio.
Your four basic food groups are: Caffeine, Fat, Sugar, and Chocolate.
"The oranges are dry; the apples are mealy; and the papayas... I don't know what's going on with the papayas!"