I regretted posting this right away. But figured to let it sit and check it after I landed in Wisconsin. Thanks to those who actually took time to read what I said and gave an attempt to understand, I truly appreciate it.

For anyone to think that I "beg" for compliments ... there's nothing more insulting than that for me to read here. I don't like hearing about how "good" I've done supposedly. When I hear a compliment I cower like a puppy who just got caught pissing on the floor again. When I'm criticized, I'm comfortable, I'm attentive, because it gives me an opportunity to grow. Being criticized or told I'm not good enough is what I've heard since day one, I'm used to it.

RaiderPride had one thing right, I'm making excuses, it's time to man up. I don't have any anxiety issues, no ADhD, nothing of the sort. It's just me and I need to be better.

One thing that really bums me out is ... others really think I'm a glory hound and completely miss the point of why I ask for ... example ... for members to view the highlight video. It's not to read 'great job zero'. Fuck that, I don't want it. I want a discussion. I want people to talk about the contents of the video. Why is it so hard to understand my motives? Why does it always come back to being self absorbing?

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It's not "just you and you need to do better". That's my opinion, of course.
It's harder to face and admit a problem then to "man up" and ignore it.
Ignoring it can lead to much bigger problems down the line.
Why do so many people become drunks or drug addicts? Many times it's because they can't or won't deal with their problems, and bury themselves in drugs and alcohol.
Kevin, you are a "doer". I have met you, and think i know you pretty well. I never saw you begging for compliments. Maybe i'm not looking in the right place. LOL! Anyway.......as 4pack said, see an MD first, to rule out any physical problems, and then take it from there. NONE of us are perfect. ALL of us need a helping hand at times.
I have been helped many times. I HATE being in the position of help, i'd MUCH rather be the one helping someone else. But that sometimes is not the case.
I understand what RP is saying.....but as i see it, sometimes that way of thinking is just not realistic. You might be in a room full of horse shit, and can shovel like mad.....but that doesn't mean there IS a pony in there. Sometimes it's just horse shit. THAT is reality.
I start the day trying to be positive. But sometimes the situations that happen during the day make it damn hard to remain positive. Trying to remain positive is good. But to me at least, trying to "pretend" all is well won't automatically make all well.
If your rent is due, and you don't have the money, positive thinking won't make the money magically appear to solve your problem.
If you are doing your best, and that isn't getting it done, you can't just "positive think" everything perfect.
JMO of course.

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i didn't read any of what kevin said as 'making excuses' - he was reaching out & you did a mighty damn fine job of 'motivational speaking' - NOT!

you're making assumptions based on knowing very little about another person. my husband was physically abused by his dad until he turned 16. he never once used that as an 'excuse' but last year i pushed him to go to therapy. it effected every aspect of his life, he lost his smile, & continues to struggle with forming trusting relationships. it's a fact of his life that he went through those things & sometimes you can't just fuckin 'get over it'!!

Zero is right as rain.

I had no right to state that he is "Begging for compliments.' Those were the wrong words, I was judgmental, and have no idea what is going on in his head. How many times as he stated that the "Success of this site is all about the members contributions and not him."

Perhaps I should have typed "Seeking Confirmation." or "Seeking Recognition"

There is no doubt that Kevin is a remarkable person, who is a single father. That is not even up for debate. There is no doubt that Kevin not only runs this site but contributes to it, unlike what's his name who sold the old site we were at.

During game day chat, I will be watching the game and then select which comments I read in the chat. I am always scanning for a few names. One of those names that I always look to to read the comments is Zeros. Only because he will see something that I did not. A insight that I did not see. Heretofore I watch the replay and look for it.

Other than the misdirected comment about begging for compliments.. I stand by my post.

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That's fine RP.
Everyone has an opinion. And that's what you have, an opinion.
Motivational speaking.......i honestly never got into that whole thing. Why? Cause i figured if you need someone to tell you to be motivated, chances are having someone tell you you should be motivated won't really help you.
Plus, as i'm sure you know, you have to hide behind the "everything is just great all the time" facade (sp?) that's not real.
If you show any weakness, your whole job goes up in smoke. So no matter how you really feel, you don't dare show it.
Yes, there is a time that you have to tell someone to "man up". If everything else has failed, and the person is just feeling sorry for themselves, that might be the time to do so. But sometimes compassion is what needs to be shown. Wisdom is knowing which is the right thing to do at the right time.
Do i always say the right thing? Nope. I know i'm often wrong. But EVERYONE isn't right 100% of the time.
Compassion isn't a bad thing. And when a person who rarely asks for help asks for it, to push them away with a "man up" to me at least, is a cold hearted thing to do. If we could cope with everything ourselves, there would be no need for any other human being in our lives. We are here to help each other. There would be no need for motivational speakers, either, would there?

Sometimes i think we can get too big for ourselves.

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Gotta say, took a lot of balls to write what you did. To echo others, we all have problems. Working through them is what we all do on a daily basis. I'm not going deep like other replies, cause I don't do that. I don't generally even like to have a conversation with anyone besides my wife. That being said, kudos to opening up. You're on the right track to get it figured out. Wish you the best!

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#1- Does your job offer a hotline to call? Someone to talk to, and maybe figure out something to get to next step

#2- Do what you feel is RIGHT in your heart and mind...

#3- If you feel your losing it or cant handle something, walk away..Easier said than done, but it does work..

#4- Eat more fiber

I apologize for not responding sooner, Kevin. As someone who has struggled with his own "head problems" for years, I should have been among the first.

But Shawn and the others have been giving you wise advice, and I really don't have much to add.

Other than to reiterate that it is important to share your worries and fears with others. There's a commonly held belief out there that all one has to do to solve one's "mental issues" is to pull oneself up by one's own bootstraps, "be a man" and all the rest. That since its in your head, all it takes is for "you" to get "your own head straight" on "your own."

This is utter bullshit. Whether the problem is ADHD, anxiety, depression, or something else (I'm not going to pretend I know which it is either), the only thing I know for sure is that it isn't something that one can go alone.

Your sharing with us is a great step to take. Not because we all have solutions, but because you'll find that there are bits and pieces here that you can draw on to get to the next day and to see the next step and to realize that there is a bit more clarity than there was yesterday and that here's another bit to think about and all the rest.

I for one feel honored that you trust us enough to share your distress and your worries and your fears with us.

It doesn't completely surprise me: after all, you've created a place here where people are willing to share and trust each other. The karma gods should allow you to do the same.

But it does honor me. It honors all of us. Not because it says we have all your answers for you. We know we don't, and you know we don't. But because you know we won't have all the answers and you still ask us.

You speak of having confidence and staying optimistic, and how hard each of them are. I can't tell you how much that resonates with me, except to say, man, it resonates a lot, a lot, a lot. I don't think there is a day where I don't reach that point where confidence and optimism nearly completely evaporate.

Indeed it's part of the reason why, during the term, you'll see me popping in here several times a day when I should be prepping or grading papers or otherwise "doing what I'm being paid to do". Surfing through the threads of Packershome gives me that little fix of confidence ("hey, here's a place where I know something about something") or optimism ("gee, here's another cool thing said by zombieslayer or Zero2Cool or 4Packgirl or pack93z or DakotaT or...etc.).

That little bit of surfing doesn't change me into the picture of happiness and warm fuzziness. But it gives enough of a boost that I am well enough to take another step or two on the path.

Dakota is absolutely right on this. Locking it up is often the path of least resistance for many of us. (I know it is for me.) But it is also usually the worst path. Share it. Let it out. Scream it occasionally if you have to -- short-run explosions can make a mess, but long-run implosions make bigger ones.

Sharing, asking for help. These don't "make it all better". But they will ensure that things "will get better."

I'm not going to tell you what exactly you need to do to "do better". I don't have those kinds of answers. But I do know that in starting this thread you've already done part of it.

A really big and absolutely critical part.

You've said, "I'm willing trust my own judgment enough that I am taking this step of faith and trusting others with what's inside my head."

And so, even though there are going to be new battles to face every day, this means you're ultimately going to win the war.

Good job.

Bank on it.

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it amazes me that you're single, wade. i have no idea what you look like, nor do i care but if a woman would give you some time to see into your soul, she'd be a fool not to treasure you. you are awesome.

If you think there may be something underlying, get it checked out. Either it will be proven to be nothing, which should take one thing off your mind, or something will be uncovered and will them be able to be treated. I recently went though a similar but opposite. No anxiety or ADHD for me. I went in to get checked for sleep apnea, and in the process discovered that I have a neurological disorder (Narcolepsy). I had been fighting with the disorder for 20+ years, not really thinking about it. And over time it has gradually gotten worse. To the point, where I was becoming dangerous.

Now that I know, I have started treating and have seen improvement. If I had just kept ignoring it, I am affraid of what might have happened.

Be safe and find out.

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