This thread, since posted, has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Finally had some time to read all the responses, thank you. I'm back home in Greely, CO now.
Regarding Keiana correcting me last Sunday ... she wasn't right and that is not what set me off, even if she would have been. I let her be right just about every time unless I feel it's something she needs to know. It was the tone, the words she used and the attitude in which she delivered said words. I am not raising a disrespectful child. She is normally very well mannered. This was just a slip up on her part, nothing more. She's 9, it's going to happen. The issue was with how I reacted to it, how I embarrassingly let other things build up and just snapped. I often times come off wrong when correcting someone and I'm trying to ensure she does better than me and I will not stop at anything to do so.
It's mind boggling that some here still don't understand why, when I know I'm wrong, I still push the issue for more details. I think many forget the purpose of a discussion board and my relationship to this board.
RaiderPride, you're the type of person that frustrates me the most. You're very condescending and patronizing in the most gross manner towards me. You take a few things I say and jump to conclusions, rather than an understanding. It's nearly impossible for me to understand when you're being serious to me, or patronizing me. I hate that, because I respect you greatly. Why do I respect someone that just takes me for face value and puts me down? Maybe its because when my mom passed away, you were one of few who gave me your number to talk to about it.
I want to make a few things clear.
I am NOT a depressed person, I am NOT unhappy and I do enjoy life. Others tell me my life is too hard, horrible, whatever, that's bullshit. I live a blessed life. I have great health, good family, perfect vision, perfect hearing, a career I love, and most importantly I have great daughters whom are equally healthy. One fear I had about posting this was some would take it as "Oh look, he's looking for attention", because, I don't feel I am. Maybe subconsciously, I am? It doesn't feel that way. I find positives in every aspect possible in my life and hoping to find some here.
I never did much as a child/young adult to make dad happy, other than not being in a gang like most kids in our area, or doing drugs/drinking. I remember one day coming home from school with all A's, two B's and a C-. First time in high school I had made honors. First time in three years I had grades higher than a C in anything (besides Gym). I was stoked. Dad chewed me out for hours about the C- that it was almost a D. I was disappointed that I upset him. I missed his point, which was the A's proved I could get the best grades and I let myself get a C-.
Something my dad strongly disagreed with me on was during snow storms, I'd drive my 4x4 on the highway, pulling people out of the ditches. Over the years I only found a few dozen and pulled'em all out. I only accepted money once, because my girlfriend at the time was along with me and forced me (I gave the $50 to her). I didn't want money. Think about this. You go in the ditch, that's scary shit. Someone comes by, out of the blue, has the ability to pull you out. That was me, I had a chance to "save the day" for lack of better term. The look on the persons face after they were back on the road, priceless. This relates to the site. I didn't create the site to receive money, which I've declined every time. I didn't develop it to receive compliments. That's not the reward I seek. My reward is reading others comments and enjoying their time here. That's what makes me happy, that's my price. My goal for everything is a good discussion. That's my motive behind nearly everything I do, or say here.
I visited my grandparents yesterday while in Wisconsin. Grandma sat me down and we started talking. Know what the first thing she talked about was? Anxiety. She told me her mother had it, she has it and my mother all had anxiety disorders. That surprised me. I hadn't even mentioned anything about it. She then harped on me for not opening up to anyone. I started telling her about a few things that make me wonder if mom was right about me having anxiety issues. Grandma asked me if I knew of a pill that would help me, would I take it? I couldn't answer, right away. I eventually said, "honestly, Grandma, I don't know." She called me stubborn. I told her that if I knew some tiny little pill could fix me, I'd question, why can't I? She had some other things to say about that, which I'm sure you can guess on your own. She's a very blunt woman, doesn't mince words at all. She asked if I had seen anyone about anxiety, I told her I did afew online "survey" deals. She asked what the results were and I said, "Well, of course it says I have an anxiety issue, but they won't say anything else other than they recommend you seeing a doctor, its a scam". She smiled at Grandpa, looked back at me said "do you know what thats called, its called denial Kevin".
I think some of you would have enjoyed what Grandma said to me. I told her that I was gonna try to get in to see a doctor in the next couple weeks before I get Keiana back. We'll see what happens from there.