Monday after work, Lydia and I had a little two hour discussion. I came into the room, threw her pictures up on the 26" screen and I asked her if she had anything to say, she sulked her head down, said 'no, ... i dont know'.
Sunday I already spoke to her about the perception excessive make-up gives off.
I asked her what she wanted, what will make her happy, etc ...
So we made a list of things she wants to do or have. A few times she said "i would like this but i know my actions mean i dont deserve it".
I told her we were starting over, no more being grounded, no more restrictions, etc ... we're going into this fresh, all new. She looked surprised. I said we've been bumping heads the last year and i've grown tired of it. You make bad decisions, I ground you, you go behind my back making more bad decisions. It's a vicious cycle thats getting us no where.
I told her that I'd grant her privacy and let her have a facebook account, provided that she has her mother and I on it, in return, we won't go into her messages or emails.
She wants to be able to text her friends. To meet me half way, she agrees to pay for it.
She wants an iPod, she'll pay for it, but wants my help budgeting her money.
For everything she wanted, I told her for me to give her what she wants, I need her to give me something in return. The only she she wanted and she isn't getting is a boyfriend. I said that's reasonable to me, but why should I be okay with you having a boyfriend. She says "because ... having a boyfriend will make me feel better about myself". Well that nailed that one in the coffin.
That spurned another rather lengthy discussion on how she needs to be happy with who she sees in the mirror before she can allow someone else to make her happy. My thought is, if you can't make yourself happy, no one else can do it either.
I even agreed to her wearing makeup under ONE condition, she gets taught how to wear makeup by her mother and ONLY wears it as she was taught by her mother. I told her why girls where make up, for good and for bad.
All in all, I think and hope we'll be better off this way. I'm doing something
I always wanted to do, but was always too paranoid to do ... give her the choice on which path in life to take. I told her she was going to be heart broken, betrayed, hurt ... etc all the things that happen in life and stressed to her that no matter the issue, how personal, how small, how big it is ... that I want her to feel comfortable coming to me with it, even if it was about sex. That's where she got uncomfortable, lol.
She has more freedom now than she ever thought she could have. She asked why I was doing this ... I told her because I want you to trust me, and I want to trust you. And if I educate you well enough I won't need to watch every move you make, every comment you say, because you'll do the right thing based upon what I've taught you.
I'm hoping for the best, we'll see how it all goes. My next task is trying to find a damn text messaging device for a reasonable cost for her to use.