The two- and three-month rules benefit only one group: jewelry store owners. And any girl who goes down to the store to get her ring appraised needs to be dumped on her ass that same day. I have a personal theory that the health of a relationship is inversely proportional to the size of the rock. If you have to buy her consent to marry you, she clearly doesn't want you for you. I've seen so many women with enormous rocks divorce their husbands within months of the wedding. Use that money for something useful, like the downpayment on a house or paying off your credit cards. Buy the glamorous ring for your tenth or twentieth anniversary, after she's proved she'll stick by you through thick and thin and you can actually afford it. (Same goes for the wedding day: anyone who racks up thousands of dollars in debt for one day is an idiot, in my opinion.)

My wife's ring happens to have five (now four -- she broke one -- NEVER give a woman an emerald ring for everyday wear) marquise-cut emeralds surrounded by ten tiny diamonds, but only because, as I said, I found it on the side of the road. I never would have bought such a thing normally. I would have bought a simple, elegant solitaire with a thin gold band. Beautiful but inconspicuous.

As it is, she now wears a $70 manufactured-sapphire-and-cubic-zirconium ring from Shopko. I don't even wear a ring (I've lost two). We know we're married. We know what we mean to each other. We don't need gaudy baubles to prove it to everyone else.

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You both were rich beyond your wildest dreams the moment she said I do and she with you... those are tales of storybooks.. loves that come along once in a lifetime.

While my Mother and Father In Law are absolute gems.. I am sort of the black sheep of the family because we don't drive a Lexus, live in WI, and a plain average home... but it matters not except to my wife.

Porforis~

If you know your GF as well as you should before marrying her.. you already know your answer... whatever you choose will mean the world to her.

Then the real meat of your decision starts.. living up to your promise when you asked her hand in your lifetime... at that point the money spent on the ring is relatively meaningless..

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My computer froze and I was running out of time before class, so I couldn't edit my post to reflect what I was trying to say about weddings: Save the lavish celebration of your relationship together for later in life, when you can afford it and when you and she have proven you can weather the adversity life is bound to throw your way. Anyone can be in love when the champagne is flowing and everyone looks gorgeous and handsome. The real test of your relationship comes when you wake up next to her in the morning, and her hair's a mess, or she's on her period, or she's puking her guts into the toilet in her first trimester, or you've both lost your jobs, or the envelope arrives in the mail to inform your house is being foreclosed. If you can't make it through that, then the skeletal remains of that lavish wedding simply stand there in mockery of you.

It makes no sense to me to spend thousands of dollars on a ceremony that does only two things: stress you, your bride, and your family out for months before (and years after, as the bills roll in); and struggles vainly to impress other people. Your wedding day is about you. If it's causing you anxiety, the purpose has been defeated. Believe it or not, no on else actually gives two flying flips about great your wedding is: they'll eat your food, drink your booze, oh-and-ah perfunctorily, maybe buy you a present you don't really need, and hardly remember a single detail of your painstakingly planned ceremony. Not to mention that throughout your life, most people, at least in my experience, will look for ways to tear your relationship down. You and she are the only two that matter in this relationship. Keep your marriage about the two of you.

My brother and his bride spent at least $30,000 throwing the picture-perfect Southern-plantation wedding. Not a hair was out of place, not a flower droopy, not a crumb on the floor. But no one smiled, no one laughed, no one cried; it was like attending a funeral. I got married one month later, spent less than $1000 all told, and the entire day was an unmitigated disaster from the moment we woke up till the moment we finally crashed into bed. But everyone was laughing (when they weren't crying) the entire time and overall it was an intimate bonding experience.

No one talks about my brother's wedding anymore. They're divorced. People still laugh about my wedding to this day, and we're very happy together.

Gorgeous weddings aren't romantic. They're a pain in the ass and a financial millstone around your young necks. My suggestion? Find a friend who can take snapshots, as I did for my best man's wedding (they looked almost as good as the professional shots my mother-in-law commissioned for mine). Find a friend who likes to assemble bouquets of wildflowers. Find a friend who loves to bake cakes. Find a friend who loves to alter used clothing. Throw a potluck. Get your guests invested and engaged, and only the people who actually care will show up. Save your money to build a solid foundation together and throw the elaborate banquet later -- when you truly have something to celebrate about.

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I apologize for the drive-by topic posting and then taking so long to come back and reply, I read through a lot of these yesterday during work and simply didn't have the time to go through and respond to them all one by one like I'd like to, and I'm still working right now but still wanted to express my gratitude towards all of you for sharing your stories and providing your (inexpensive :P) words of advice. It's nice to know that we're not the only people out there that put limited value on a stone and a one-day ceremony, hopefully her parents will agree... Probably not, but it's not really about them, is it?

Great threat. Slightly depressing, but some awesome stuff written here.

i hear ya, non. there is not one single person at our wedding that will EVER forget the minister not showing up - i laughed thru it all & so did everyone else!! my dress was $30!! we did our own food, got married in a lil country chapel & rented a hall for the 'reception'. barrel of beer, some pop, & we were all set. it was one of the greatest, oddest, & freakiest days of my life! but in the end, we're married & that's all that matters.

first wedding was the big kahuna kind. 20 years ago & my parents spent over $10,000!!! what a f'in waste!!

I bought my wife a small little diamond ring. I can't remember how much it cost, but it wasn't very much. I don't think I even spent a full week's paycheck on it.

I was embarrassed at first when her friends would ask to see the ring, because it wasn't anything special. But the look on her face when she showed it off told me she cared more about it's meaning than how much I spent on it. I think if anyone expects a huge engagement ring, they need to think about their priorities. When we got married, she picked out her own wedding ring and it's just a band with no diamond.

My wife had a friend who got engaged. When she called my wife she said "Well, he finally gave me a ring, but it only has one diamond and it's pretty small". She didn't say anything about that she was happy he proposed, or that she was excited about the wedding. I know the guy. He doesn't have a high paying job, and I know he would have had to save up for months to pay for her ring. They've been married for 3 years now, and she hasn't stopped giving him shit about the "tiny" ring he got her.

Anyways, the moral of the story is, it shouldn't matter how big or how expensive the ring is. It's cheesy to say, but it really is the thought that should count. If the ring is an issue with her or family or friends, then I'd start to rethink what I was getting into.

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I can't really speak to this question. Never been remotely close to marriage. But the "don't worry about the ring/size of wedding/etc" people really sound wise to me.

The only quibble I would have would be with NSD's "throw a potluck" idea. And that's only because I hate potlucks. I expect I'd refuse to marry anyone I knew who was into potlucks.

And to the smartasses out there, no, I'm not surprised I've never married. I know me pretty well, and I can't imagine anyone dumb enough to marry me.

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I was half an hour late to my own wedding -- because my bosses wouldn't let give me the day off or release me from duty. When I finally went up to them and said look, I have to go, they asked me if I could reschedule my wedding! When I incredulously told them no, they begrudgingly told me I could leave, but that I had to return after the ceremony. They told my best man the same thing.

And then Kat forgot the ring! So I had to borrow the wedding ring from my dad, whose fingers are twice the size of mine.



Kat's was a little more, but it was a prom dress we picked up on sale.



If I remember correctly, my in-laws ordered Chinese. And we picked up the cake en route to the reception.



We got married on a Friday in an army chapel, during a time slot normally reserved for wedding rehearsals, so that was free. We found a little dinky church who donated their tiny basement study room for our reception. We definitely didn't have any alcohol (my parents are teetotalers), we might have had some pop.



Yep. An expensive wedding doesn't a happy marriage make.

And Wade, you just made my point: The wedding is for the couple, not everyone else. If you don't like potlucks, you don't have to come. 😃

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I may have you all beat. $70 total for the wedding (including license). $20 for the rings.

For the record, not one person said anything negative about our wedding rings. My wife simply tells people that we see it more a priority to put a larger down payment on a house than a ring and a dress.

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