A while back my brother contacted me saying he was going to be a daddy and wanted me to be the God father. I told him it would be an honor and would gladly do so. Admittedly, I accepted not knowing what I was getting myself into. I had God parents, but I seen them very rarely so I wasn't sure on the requirements, but whatever it was, I was going to do it.

He and his girlfriend came to my house last week to give me the invitation for the Baby Shower as the baby is due October 16th. I confessed I wasn't sure my responsibilities as a God parent. They both kind of laughed. I had mentioned that I'd been told it meant I would be guardian if something were to happen to them to, and also heard things that if something happened to them I would be responsible for taking the child to a church within the religion they chose. When I accepted the role, I figured I'd just be spoiling the little guy a little more than an Uncle already does. Me, Kevin, an Uncle? Sounds ... different, but looking forward to it either way.

Yesterday morning he sent me a text that carried news any parent dreads ... they lost the baby. They drove to Green Bay to have the baby delivered and around 3:40pm he told me the baby had the umbilical cord around his neck and they feel that was the cause of death. He didn't ask me to come but said if I wanted to see the baby they were in room X. I'm terrible in situations like this, I never know what to say, or not to say and I'm scared to death of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I've always been the brother to my siblings that I may kick your ass and annoy you, but anyone else gives you as so much of a paper cut, I'm flooring them without prejudice. When we were younger, I'd fix his bike, or teach him how to play sports or how to handle mom or help him get a job or whatever. I can't fix this for him and its fricking killing me. While looking at the baby, I kept wishing I had some magical power where I could kiss him on the forehead and he'd cough and wake up. Something, anything. I tried that already, with mom, didn't work.

I don't know what I can do, but I stayed with him and his girlfriend in the hospital for about 3 hours yesterday and will be going back again after work today. I just hope my presence is somehow helping.

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For what words can do, I'm sorry for your loss and theirs, Kevin. Losing a child is never easy, my cousin's miscarried a few times and it's bad enough and you feel helpless enough then, I can only imagine what it's like for you. Just know that your presence and support do matter to them and the fact that you're going out of your way to see them says a lot about you as a person.

Just being there was the right thing to do.

Sorry about your loss, amigo.

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This is terrible, I'm sorry, man.

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It is a tragedy. My wife miscarried at about 5 months. It was hard for me but I knew the child would have had a miserable life so I tell myself it was for the best. A year later when my son was born and healthy I told myself this was the body God wanted him to have. I look at my wife I can tell that SHE doesn't see it that way. Every once in a while I realize she is thinking of her unborn child. I can't say anything that will make her feel better I just give her quiet support. She actually had to wrap it up and take it to the doctor's office. (She worked for an OBGyn at the time.)

It has to be much harder to lose your child when you are at the delivery. Every one is excited and anticipating great things. It is such a crushing blow. Some close friends went through that about 3 years ago.

All you can do is be yourself. Offer them what support you are able to give. It will be enough.

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Thanks. What makes this harder is talking to them and hearing all the plans they had and how excited they were for their first child and ... gone. I'm not one for big social gatherings and even though I'd have been uncomfortable being around all those people, I was going to attend the Baby Shower because I could see how much it meant to my brother. It was just the right thing to do. The pain I felt/feel is .. is just a fraction of what they are going through.

It's a reminder of how much of a miracle a healthy pregnancy and child really are. I told my brother that even though his child isn't in his arms, he's surely in moms and she did good by us and will do good by him.

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I have as well dealt with this twice in my life (once per wife).. and it does take a toll. However both were very early in the pregnancy and to be honest was easier to deal with as result. My oldest son was taken C-section as the cord was around his neck.

Zero.. your being there is helping I am sure. I know it probably is a feeling of helplessness but it will mean the world to them.

Difficult times and subject to deal with.. all you can do is be there for them.

Pass along our thoughts and prayers.

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Major, major, bummer.

My thoughts are with you, your brother, and his girlfriend.

And a well-done to you for what you have done and are doing.

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Kevin several people have mentioned this to you. As I was reading Pack's post I thought of my mother in law. The 9th of every month I call her. My F-I-L passed away on Aug 9th. (It is now 2 years.) She knows why I am calling her. We rarely discuss that. We just talk. That helps. For both her and myself. Nothing we talk about is all that important. we just spend a few minutes together. Sometimes it is 5 minutes sometimes 30 min. Whatever she needs. When she has had enough she tells me she has to hang up.

We talk about my kids. The other grandkids. Her daughters. The weather. Whatever she feels like talking about. You are doing the same thing even if you don't realize it. The wound is too recent for you to be as casual as I can be but the results are the same.

Keep in mind that everyone rushes in when a tragedy occurs. After a day or a week they all rush back out and get on with their lives. Be there for the long haul.


Last comment- During this I have been thinking about some good friends of mine. They too went full term before losing their baby. They had a funeral service and put her casket on top of grandma's. they feel like what you said, the baby is in grandma's arms. I thought helped them in their grieving process and was a good idea. Unfortunately for them they had a do it a second time.

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We just spoke recently and he and his girlfriend have been discharged from the hospital. He said he can't think of a time when he wanted to go home so badly. He wants to start the healing process. I brought Keiana to the hospital yesterday and maybe that wasn't good, I dunno. I over think things maybe.

I try to keep in touch with my brothers and sister as much as they can handle of me. My sister is now in River Falls, youngest brother is in Manitowoc and the brother mentioned lives in Sturgeon Bay. One thing I like about Facebook, is its another form of communicating with family. I'm not a phone caller person, but I text quite a bit. Nothing special, usually just "how you doing, staying out of trouble?" type of stuff. Oh wow, that's what mom used to say to me when she'd call. I can't do this. Thanks for the comments. I thought talking would somehow help, but its hurting more.

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