Wade
  • Wade
  • Veteran Member
13 years ago

Wade's nightly prayer, "Please lord, make the peckers of Zombieslayer, Dakotat, Zero, and Dr. Death fall of as if they were Leppers."

Wade, you should come up to Bismarck sometime, I'd let you take Julie out for supper, take her shopping, to a movie - you know all that crap nice guys do.

Originally Posted by: DakotaT 



Hehe. Be careful.

Most of the real women I've been attracted to in recent years have been married women. (Jessica B and Simone S don't count as real in this particular sense, since I've never been in actual physical proximity to them.)

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
Zero2Cool
13 years ago

Shy and nice definitely aren't the same thing. Shy guys tend not to be nice in my experience.

Anyway, shy guys can get laid. Women like shy guys. Being shy doesn't mean you have to be a pussy. You can be shy while still being manly and direct. "I'm really shy, so normally I wouldn't say this, but I have to tell you that I think you're sexy as hell." Let her take it from there.

Originally Posted by: Nonstopdrivel 



I've been aiming to kick my social anxiety so at times I'll put myself in uncomfortable situations. So today at the store, I decided to get silly stupid. Told the girl in front of me she had a cute daughter, she says thanks with a smile that appeared to ask for more, I said she gets it from her mother. Again, another smile. Then I went with Rourke's words and said "Normally ... I'm shy and ... don't do this, but could I take you out to lunch sometime?". She said yeah, said her name was Sara and gave me her number.

Thought I'd share my boring story that's surely the "highlight" of my boring Monday. No, I won't be calling her, I'm interested in someone from back home and did it to try an get experience handling my anxiety.


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Nonstopdrivel
13 years ago
Dude, don't be a dick. Your asking her out might have been the highlight of her day. For all you know, she might be going nuts waiting for you to call. At least call her up and see if she was serious about taking her up on the offer. If she was just being nice, you haven't lost anything. If she was serious, and there is no chemistry, you're out a lunch and a conversation. If she was serious and you end up having a good time, you might make yourself a friend.
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4PackGirl
13 years ago
ok - on the flip side, why are women in trouble? i can only speak for myself but for some damn reason, i pick guys who need 'help'. not cuz they're crazy lunatics but the 1st hubby was a drunk & verbally abusive. 2nd hubby, i found out after i married him that he was physically abused by his dad til he was 16. he's never gone to any sort of counseling for it, never worked on figuring out how it affected his life, nothing. like i said, was never talked about til after we were married.

now i'm having problems. i walk on egg shells constantly. i never know when he's gonna go off. the anger inside him is palpable. he's never touched me or the kids. but some examples of what has been going on...
on mother's day, we took the kids to a nice park, he got irritated by another dad & his kids, so he gets into a HUGE argument with a complete stranger - nearly got into a fist fight - with me & the kids right there. it was horrible. i can't even describe what it was like. i'm not used to violent behavior & neither are the boys.

then when we go out to eat, if anyone is talking loudly, he'll confront them right there. not in an even remotely nice way either. just starts telling people how stupid they are & they need to respect others.

yesterday, we got home after (what the boys & i thought) was a nice camping weekend. we were tired but just chilled out watching football in the afternoon, etc... i go to put the boys to bed & he yelled at one of them for not turning the tv off in their playroom. (which is a constant thing with them) i kind of looked at him like 'dayum - relax it there buddy' & he goes OFF on me in front of the boys. starts telling me i need to learn to shut my damn mouth more often. that all i care about is myself. that all i did was yack yack yack during the football game (gimme a break - it was the pats game - who the f cares) but that during the packers game, everybody better sit down & shut the hell up. i just stood there in total shock.

i just really don't know what to do. my step son, jesse, is 20 years old. i am totally alone here. he's actually come to me to express his concern about his dad. how his dad makes him feel like shit most of the time & how he tries to figure out why his dad can't be happy. if it weren't for jesse, i swear i'd feel like this was all my fault, that i must be doing something wrong, because the hubby insists i am. i'm not perfect but i've never done the things he's done, not even close, & i've never been rude, mean, or inconsiderate to jesse but he feels he can be that 90% of the time with the twins.

i'm at the end of my rope here & i'm hoping to get some advice from you guys. here i go again opening myself up to personal attacks but i really don't care. i seriously need some help. i am alone. so very alone.
Zero2Cool
13 years ago

Dude, don't be a dick. Your asking her out might have been the highlight of her day. For all you know, she might be going nuts waiting for you to call. At least call her up and see if she was serious about taking her up on the offer.
If she was just being nice, you haven't lost anything.
If she was serious, and there is no chemistry, you're out a lunch and a conversation.
If she was serious and you end up having a good time, you might make yourself a friend.

Originally Posted by: Nonstopdrivel 



Did you copy/paste "if she was"? 😉 I might, she did seem nice and suppose a lunch never really killed anyone.



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Zero2Cool
13 years ago
Why are women in trouble? Because, I'm single and on the prowl!!

ok - on the flip side, why are women in trouble? i can only speak for myself but for some damn reason, i pick guys who need 'help'. not cuz they're crazy lunatics but the 1st hubby was a drunk & verbally abusive. 2nd hubby, i found out after i married him that he was physically abused by his dad til he was 16. he's never gone to any sort of counseling for it, never worked on figuring out how it affected his life, nothing. like i said, was never talked about til after we were married.

now i'm having problems. i walk on egg shells constantly. i never know when he's gonna go off. the anger inside him is palpable. he's never touched me or the kids. but some examples of what has been going on...
on mother's day, we took the kids to a nice park, he got irritated by another dad & his kids, so he gets into a HUGE argument with a complete stranger - nearly got into a fist fight - with me & the kids right there. it was horrible. i can't even describe what it was like. i'm not used to violent behavior & neither are the boys.

then when we go out to eat, if anyone is talking loudly, he'll confront them right there. not in an even remotely nice way either. just starts telling people how stupid they are & they need to respect others.

yesterday, we got home after (what the boys & i thought) was a nice camping weekend. we were tired but just chilled out watching football in the afternoon, etc... i go to put the boys to bed & he yelled at one of them for not turning the tv off in their playroom. (which is a constant thing with them) i kind of looked at him like 'dayum - relax it there buddy' & he goes OFF on me in front of the boys. starts telling me i need to learn to shut my damn mouth more often. that all i care about is myself. that all i did was yack yack yack during the football game (gimme a break - it was the pats game - who the f cares) but that during the packers game, everybody better sit down & shut the hell up. i just stood there in total shock.

i just really don't know what to do. my step son, jesse, is 20 years old. i am totally alone here. he's actually come to me to express his concern about his dad. how his dad makes him feel like shit most of the time & how he tries to figure out why his dad can't be happy. if it weren't for jesse, i swear i'd feel like this was all my fault, that i must be doing something wrong, because the hubby insists i am. i'm not perfect but i've never done the things he's done, not even close, & i've never been rude, mean, or inconsiderate to jesse but he feels he can be that 90% of the time with the twins.

i'm at the end of my rope here & i'm hoping to get some advice from you guys. here i go again opening myself up to personal attacks but i really don't care. i seriously need some help. i am alone. so very alone.

Originally Posted by: 4PackGirl 



If I were to outline certain traits of an abusive person, or soon to be physically abusive person, I'd outline several of the examples you've given. It sounds like he could be getting more and more aggressive with his anger the more he sees he's not intimidating anyone. Actually, come to think about it, that's how my dad was. After I was no longer intimidated by his getting in my face, shouting at me, grabbing me, etc ... it escalated.

I'd strongly urge he get anger management counseling and urge him to take it seriously. Otherwise, I fear you'll be another statistic in a column no woman should ever be in.

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Wade
  • Wade
  • Veteran Member
13 years ago
Julie,
I don't know when mental abuse turns into physical abuse. It doesn't always. But, based on a sample size of one (my sister), I think it can ultimately be worse in those cases when it doesn't -- since the abused person may be likely to stay even longer in the relationship, delay asking for help longer, delay confronting the abuser with his needs longer, etc.

So, regardless of what kind of abuser he is or might become, my advice here would be the same. I don't know enough details of how you have interacted to know how he will respond to your confronting him with "we need to see someone/the pastor/a counselor/etc about this", so I'm not going to suggest that. What I do suggest is that you find a professional who has seen this sort of thing across many cases and families, someone you trust, someone who can help assess the dangers and consider possible strategies for dealing with the problem, someone who has experience both at reducing the risk of things going pear-shaped and at the same way will be there to help you out if they do. Or if you don't know anyone like that, start with someone you trust who is likely to know someone who is. A pastor, a nurse, a doctor, a women's hotline, someone at social services, someone at the public health office.

Don't delay, though. It might take you and that person a while to talk things out enough to figure out the best route to pursue re: any actual confrontation/discussion with the hubby. Or it might take a couple tries -- the first person you try may be unhelpful or you may discover him/her not the person for the job you're seeking help with. But the sooner you get started, the sooner you will get done.

You aren't alone, Julie. You have our shoulders, you know that. But you're not alone there, either. There are a lot of people out there in a lot of professions whose business is dealing with cases like yours, most of them driven there because of a desire to ensure people like you are not alone.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
Zero2Cool
13 years ago
You'll probably disregard this, but, sometimes emotional and mental abuse is harder to overcome than physical abuse.
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DakotaT
13 years ago
Julie, get the hell out of that house. Pack your boys and go to your Mom's. If he's carrying around all that backage and is beginning to let it out, you've only begun to see the smoke of the Volcano. Don't even give it chance to see the lava. My dad was abused by an insestual family and he ended up taking it to my nieces and i hate him for it. He will never get a chance to meet my kids, and I want as little to do with him as possible. It's too bad people are abused as kids, but we're in a time that it's unacceptable to not seek help.

I'm so very sorry to hear this news. You always talked of your current husband in a good way, so this news comes as quite a shock.
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zombieslayer
13 years ago

Did you copy/paste "if she was"? 😉 I might, she did seem nice and suppose a lunch never really killed anyone.


Originally Posted by: Zero2Cool 



Exactly. Give her a call. At worst, she's boring and you wasted a lunch.

But good things can come from it. As NSD said, you could make a friend too. We all could use a friend.

Kudos though for having the guts to do that. That took balls. 👍
My man Donald Driver
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(thanks to Pack93z for the pic)
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