Late '03 Rebecca was born.

Mother claimed up and down she wasn't mine and I believed her. She was screwing every tom dick hairy she could find.

Fast forward three+ years, I find out she's mine. The mother threatens to call in my warrants if I tell the Judge I want to see Rebecca. I tell the mother if Rebecca every needs me, or anything, my arms are wide open. This was especially hard and frustrating for me.

The Judge tells me I should thank the man who signed the birth certificate knowing it was impossible for him to be the father because I didn't have to pay 3+ years of child support and birthing costs. I was floored by this because I'd rather have paid that and been in my daughters life the moment she was born.

Fast forward a few more years to April '09 Rebecca wants to know her REAL daddy and the mother has caved. I meet Rebecca and she meets her big sister for the first time. The mother and I get along great, as friends. Suddenly, everything changes when she gets back with her ex. I'm left to pay court fee's up the wazoo to get any visitation of Rebecca. August '09 I got every other weekend with Rebecca and the mother got the child support DOUBLED!

Fast forward one year to fathers day 2010 the mother blows up when I ask (calmly might I add) if there's anyway for her and I to get along for Rebecca's sake. She takes two swings at me. I stood there and took it. Angry as hell, wanting to hit back, but knowing it was wrong, I walked away and called the cops. They took pictures. The mother got a small fine and charges reduced to a disorderly conduct. This was her second physical assault in a year too.

Fast forward one month from the assault, I'm moving to Colorado and petition the court to let me take Rebecca to Colorado for 7 weeks of the summer. Court commissioner says I'm being EXTREMELY reasonable especially since I'm going to absorb ALL financial responsibility of transportation. The mother says I don't DESERVE more than 3 weeks.

Court commissioner recommends mediation. I phoned in for the mediation from Colorado, the mother ... didn't call, nothing. Mediator tells me I'm being very reasonable with my request and is surprised the commissioner didn't just order it through.

I'm told I have to pay $300 for guardian ad litem to 'review' the case. I paid my portion right away. Weeks pass and the mother failed to do so. They tell me I can pay the other half, but then will be held responsible for all financial costs. WHAT??? They tell me another option, to file a petition to court order the mother to pay. They also tell me that it's unlikely I'll get what I want.

I hear that the mother threw away the stuffed animal and birthday card I sent and has been telling Rebecca I don't love her and don't want to see her.

They still have my $300 for guardian ad litem.

Fast forward to yesterday ... I received notification from Shawano County they are going to review my child support and increase it.



I feel so damn helpless. Rebecca is missing out on having a dad and big sister and it seems like the courts and county don't care about any of it other than how much they can rake me for. Just feels Rebecca and Keiana are being screwed over in this big time while Rebecca's mother gets to stay at home, unemployed enjoying the fruits of my hard work.

It's true, no one said life was fair ... somehow, I think this solidifies that statement.

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Sorry to get political here, but this is when I want to slap a male feminist. The courts hate men. You know how many times I've heard this same story (including the violence directed at the father)?

Hang in there amigo. I don't know what to tell you other than find a good lawyer.

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Yeah, you're pretty much F'ed Zero! I would suggest writing Rebecca letters regularly and keep buying her the gifts - but instead of sending them to her, keep them wrapped so that when the day comes that you do get to see her - she'll get to open all of them. And always pay your child support, my dumbass for a brother cut off his payments and ended up losing his rights.

I'm sorry for your frustration.

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I contacted a couple lawyers and they basically said they'd gladly take my money, but didn't think much could be done because of all the years I lost. And the court will basically see me as a "stranger" to my own daughter.

It was also expressed that by forcing myself into Rebecca's life, I might cause more damage than good since the mother has no boundaries of spite and has proven she'll say anything to Rebecca to get her to dislike me.

This isn't hyperbole, I know her mother does these things because Rebecca told me "Daddy, why does mommy hate you, you're so much fun and so nice to me". There were more things, but you get the idea. When I confronted the mother about this, she said I don't deserve to be liked and actually blatantly said 'your only right is to pay child support an be my every other weekend babysitter'.


I am going to continue sending cards and gifts to Rebecca and continue to make myself open for her. I know she loves me and I know she misses her daddy and sister.

It just kills me that I feel there's nothing I can do except keep dropping $100's left and right ... only to get my hopes up and then the mother just lies her ass off and makes things harder ... then nothing happens.

I mean, this whole guardian ad litem process is STUPID! What idiot formulated this process? Force the parents to pay $300 each BEFORE they review the case? I understand they need their money, but why is this NOT court ordered immediately? The parent who does not want to attend has no accountability.

It's so damn annoying how obtuse the courts are to facts and rationale thinking.

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ok - this makes NO sense to me at ALL! bottom line is you're supporting rebecca monetarily so you absolutely should have visitation rights.

as far as mediation goes - it's a BIG F'N CROCK O' SHIT!! same thing happened with my deal - i paid my $300 right away & the ex dragged tail paying his til the last second. we went, agreed to everything, & then when we went to court in front of the judge, my ex said 'oh i changed my mind - i don't agree to anything now'. poof - $300 down the shitter for NO F'N REASON!!

the damn women who fucked with their ex's over the years, held their kids as pawns against them, falsified abuse, neglect, & molestation are the ones who are to blame for the insanity that is family court these days. YES - i said the WOMEN!!! trust me, even though i'm on the mommy side of the equation, fairness is fairness, right is right, & common sense should be common sense!

The purpose of a guardian ad litem, theoretically anyway, is to ensure that there is someone in the process who looks only after the interests of the child, who isn't going to be involved he said/she said, he did/she did back-and-forth. You and the mother are each, in the eyes of the law, likely to see things through eyes that are too biased/too shaped by your relationship with each other. And the more "issues" there are between the parties, the more necessary and important the guardian ad litem becomes.

Like I said, that's the theory. Personally, I think you're getting hosed six ways from forever. Of course I'm a man, and a single one at that, so what the fuck do I know.

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I clearly understand and appreciate the reasoning for having Guardian Ad Litem, however, I've researched this and it's often they lean towards the mother, regardless of how inept the mother is at even providing for herself, let alone the child.

Obviously, since I paid the fee, I have no issues with Guardian Ad Litem. I do have an issue with paying for EVERYTHING when the courts CONSTANTLY tell me... parenting takes TWO, raising a child takes TWO, it takes TWO to provide for the child...yet I'm not being allowed the opportunity to raise my own flesh and blood. But they are sure glad to take my money so an emotionally unstable and violent woman can raise my child. Makes sense.

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Yes. In many courts, a woman has to murder someone in order to lose custody of her children. It doesn't matter if the father is the next Martin Luther King, Jr. He still won't get custody.

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Yes sir, that's damn near true. I'm basically stuck hoping Rebecca forces the issue of seeing me, or her mother backs down. It's pretty frustrating, but what can ya do?

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The men always get screwed. I am shocked that the police/courts took your side in the fight.
In IL at least they have to side with the mother. My SIL repeatedly struck my brother. He called the police and was arrested every time for domestic violence. (Charges were dismissed in court.)
Apparently the law in IL is that the police are required to arrest the man. H.O.P.E. audits the arrest records. And the police are fined if they fail to follow procedures.

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