wpr
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a year ago
My cousin's daughter is somewhere in the process of changing genders. Or at least wants to. His wife posted on facebook about her desire to change pronouns and I thought there was mention of medical treatments. I found it interesting for mom to post it on FB. I just went back to verify it. The post is gone. That makes more sense. Her mom was trying to be supportive but I am sure the earth stopped revolving and the polar fields reversed their polarity. Not to mention hoards of people were being accosted by roaming packs of feral ermine.
Personally I have no say in the matter. I am glad she is not my child. It would be extremely difficult to be supportive. I have not had much interaction with them in a while. That's what happens when the family ages and the grandparent anchors are gone. It is not my intent to be cruel but when I heard this I wondered if part of the reason for her desire to change genders was because she wasn't the cheerleader type. I have no idea if she was picked on as a child for her looks or body type. Knowing that people can be mean, it's very possible. I do find it ironic that I am mentioning that she isn't the fairest damsel in the land while saying others probably called her names. It's not my intent to body shame her. I would never accept someone else doing so. I'm simply trying to convey that she has had challenges in her life and I wonder if that has had an impact on her choices.
Anyway our family reunion is in a few weeks. I hope my cousin and his wife are there. I would like to have a better understanding of the situation.




  

 
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Zero2Cool
a year ago

My cousin's daughter is somewhere in the process of changing genders. Or at least wants to. His wife posted on facebook about her desire to change pronouns and I thought there was mention of medical treatments. I found it interesting for mom to post it on FB. I just went back to verify it. The post is gone. That makes more sense. Her mom was trying to be supportive but I am sure the earth stopped revolving and the polar fields reversed their polarity. Not to mention hoards of people were being accosted by roaming packs of feral ermine.
Personally I have no say in the matter. I am glad she is not my child. It would be extremely difficult to be supportive. I have not had much interaction with them in a while. That's what happens when the family ages and the grandparent anchors are gone. It is not my intent to be cruel but when I heard this I wondered if part of the reason for her desire to change genders was because she wasn't the cheerleader type. I have no idea if she was picked on as a child for her looks or body type. Knowing that people can be mean, it's very possible. I do find it ironic that I am mentioning that she isn't the fairest damsel in the land while saying others probably called her names. It's not my intent to body shame her. I would never accept someone else doing so. I'm simply trying to convey that she has had challenges in her life and I wonder if that has had an impact on her choices.
Anyway our family reunion is in a few weeks. I hope my cousin and his wife are there. I would like to have a better understanding of the situation. 

Originally Posted by: wpr 



This kind of fits with my daughter too. She doesn't have the boobies that society deems as a trait of a woman. It's hard to get through to your child though when the school gives an avenue of communication not afforded to you. I am not saying I want to change my child's mind. I'm saying -- I want to be involved. I'm at the point now where I just randomly text her saying I love and miss, how things going, etc ... rarely do I hear anything back. My oldest says she "just needs someone to hate and she picked you dad". I asked why and she says "because she knows you can take it". 

Male. Female. Whichever. I would love my child either way. It's a bit depressing how little contact there is over the last year or so. All I can do is make sure to remind her the door is open and I'm always there for her no matter what.
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wpr
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a year ago
Excellent Kevin. Never give up. Never "pull back the hand of friendship". Never quit on your children.

We were still in our 40s when I heard someone ask "why do we hurt the very people that we love the most?" I made up my mind to not be as antagonist to my wife and kids. Whenever I feel the situation ramping up I do my best to deescalate it.
Social standards chew our kids up. I remember my daughter feeling so alone and friendless because she was the first girl to have "that special time of the month." She was 10. My sister told me that her oldest daughter was struggling because she was the last in her class. She was 16. The pack mentality hates aberration.
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Cheesey
a year ago
Science says that if you are born with a penis, you are a boy.  With a vagina, a girl.  And no matter what you want, or have cut off, your DNA still will show what you really are.  
Most people that desire to change what they are is because of things that happen to them. Not feminine enough? Bullied because of it? Then I'll be a BOY.   Boy Too feminine ? Not good at sports?; Parents show more attention to my sister? Then I'll be a GIRL!
Or a girl molested by her father or other make family member? Hate men and be GAY.  There are underlying things that most of the time affects people wanting the switch.
My wife worked with 2 women that ended up in a lesbian relationship. Both had been married (to men) and we're beat up by their scumbag husband's. So they hooked up. But you know what? They ended up beating on each other. 
As a young kid I was bad at sports, not muscular, small and picked on. Yet I never wanted to be a girl or to want to sexually mess around with boys. I always liked girls....even though they never seemed to like me!🥴
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earthquake
a year ago

One of my girls has been active in the LGBTQ community. We've went rounds numerous times because I don't agree with changing your genital's (more lack of confidence in our doctors than anything to be frank), but also would never condemn anyone or tell someone they cannot do it. I quantify this statement saying I'm a man who was born male and is comfortable as man, so I can't speak about someone born female who believes they should be male or vice versa. I feel that is their prerogative. 

What does bother me is how the schools push it. I've seen it in the High School in the district I live in and it's made me a bit uncomfortable. I do not like the schools doing things with my kids that can be potentially life altering and without my knowledge. That feels wrong to me. If they skip school, it's on the parents. If they break the law, the parents are held responsible. And on and on. So, if I am always responsible for my child, should I be kept in the dark about things pertaining directly to them? 

The way our High School handled something made me feel like I was responsible for a car that I wasn't driving and they were telling the occupants "it's okay to speed, it's okay to change lanes whenever you want-no signal needed, it's okay not to wear safety belt because you are not comfortable with those things" and yet when that child does something wrong. Who's on the chopping block being talked down to like he's a negligent parent?

This view is difficult because I know some parents are just complete assholes to their kids. So I get why the school provides that option. So, when it all comes down to it, ti's more of a beef between my child and myself than the school. I just don't like that the school enables it and provides an avenue of descension. 
 

Originally Posted by: Zero2Cool 



Yeah, this seems especially rough for parents who are supportive and want to be involved.

I feel like there should be some avenue for kids who have abusive parents or other situations like this to seek help, guidance, care, etc, without the express permission of their parents. But I'm not sure that a blanket policy is best. On the other hand, requiring the child to prove their abusive situation while not involving the parent(s) and making the situation even worse doesn't seem like a realistic option. I've seen how bad this can get with my parents beating the shit out of my sister and kicking her out of the house over and over for liking girls when she was a teenager.

As far as trans policies in school I don't have a better idea and I'm glad I'm not responsible for figuring this out.

I hope things improve with you and your daughter's relationship, if you stick by her and continue to be supportive I'm sure it will. Hopefully, she just needs time to process all of this.
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earthquake
a year ago

Science says that if you are born with a penis, you are a boy.  With a vagina, a girl.  And no matter what you want, or have cut off, your DNA still will show what you really are.  
Most people that desire to change what they are is because of things that happen to them. Not feminine enough? Bullied because of it? Then I'll be a BOY.   Boy Too feminine ? Not good at sports?; Parents show more attention to my sister? Then I'll be a GIRL!
Or a girl molested by her father or other make family member? Hate men and be GAY.  There are underlying things that most of the time affects people wanting the switch.
My wife worked with 2 women that ended up in a lesbian relationship. Both had been married (to men) and we're beat up by their scumbag husband's. So they hooked up. But you know what? They ended up beating on each other. 
As a young kid I was bad at sports, not muscular, small and picked on. Yet I never wanted to be a girl or to want to sexually mess around with boys. I always liked girls....even though they never seemed to like me!🥴

Originally Posted by: Cheesey 



I would say the correlation here is rather tenuous. As you mention, being bullied didn't turn you gay. Some basic points:
  • For many gay kids/teens, the abuse starts after other people (parents, classmates, etc) find out they are gay/queer/other/etc - or at the very least tends to get much worse
  • Many people have very happy and healthy childhoods, and still end up being gay, bi, trans, etc
  • Abuse and trauma are common enough that it's easy to find an overlap if you go looking for one
  • Being gay doesn't mean you hate the opposite sex - this is very rarely the case
  • RE: abusive lesbian relationships, there are a lot of straight people who are attracted to people who are abusive or very bad for them in other ways too - this isn't a unique characteristic of gay relationships. Who you're attracted to isn't always rational, no matter if you love the same or opposite sex.


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Cheesey
a year ago
I guess what I'm saying is, that the gay people I've met almost always have reasons that lead them down that path.
another personal example was a teenage boy I knew named Zack. His mother was in an abusive relationship, and she turned gay .  After that she was always stating how much she hated men.  Zack hearing that every day, suddenly becomes gay. What was going through his head? I bet it was "Mom hates men, I'm a male, she will hate me then." So he switched sides so Mom would love him. 
I know not all gay people had bad lives and that's why they went that way . Just the people I have personally known have had those things happen.
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