I just tell my wife to "shut the fuck up." Seems to work most of the time. In fact, more often than not, she jumps my bones after I say that.
Reminds me of an article I read in the woman's-advice-to-men column of
Men's Health during my first tour in Iraq. The author related a story about a friend of hers, who, it seems, had for some trivial reason gotten pissed off by the guy she had just started dating. So (apparently just to see what kind of stuff he was made off) she started bitching him out, and the new boyfriend, distraught, started apologizing profusely. But no matter what he said, she kept on bitching, so he kept asking for forgiveness, to no avail, until finally he lost his patience, and he yelled, "Would you kindly shut the fuck up!"
Her jaw dropped, and then she launched herself into his arms and dragged him into bed. According to the author, it's been several years, and they've been screwing like rabbits ever since.
The moral of the story: Women don't LIKE men who are weak enough to take their shit all the time. It's a lesson I've never forgotten.