If you hold the mushroom, you'll end up with piss on your hand.

---

A synonym is a word you use in place of one you can’t spell.

---

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

---

A house divided against itself cannot stand.

---

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

---

This reminds me of my advanced art III class in high school. My art teacher, Mrs. K, had many different cutouts and art displays up on her walls. One of the things next to the door to the room was a magazine ad ripped from the book. It was a picture of an empty classroom and in white words it said, "What's missing in your classroom?" My art teacher wrote in big red marker, in a chicken scratching font, 'SANITY!'

---

Jesus loves you but I’m his favorite.

---

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

---

A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.

---

Giving money and power to Government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke

---