What's a man to do when looking for engagement rings. How easily can they be re-sized if the exact band width I get isn't right, or would I be able to exchange it for a different size? I'd definitely prefer to have her keep the one I proposed to her with, though.

As far as overall size/style, I understand that there's wildly different opinions out there on what a wedding or engagement ring should be (or if there should even be one). I guess my main concern is that I want to get her something nice (Nice does not necessarily mean big, especially for an engagement ring) without breaking the bank... I'm thinking < $250 tops. But I don't want any fake diamonds. Not quite sure why I care so much about a nice ring when she doesn't, beyond not wanting to halfass something so important.

I'd like to hear some of your stories about engagement rings, especially any female members of the forum. Been somewhat seriously considering proposing for quite some time now, we've been together for four years and I'm pretty sure I'm 100% serious this time. I just want everything to go right... And pray to god her parents don't react poorly. :<

First off, congrats on the decision. It was the scariest one I have ever made, but never has there been one that I was so sure about either.

Secondly, my only experience with buying something at jewelry stores has been with Kay's Jewelers, so keep that in mind when reading this.

What are you thinking for a wedding band? Are you thinking something stand alone or a wrap-around? Keep that in mind when shopping for a engagement ring. As for cheap rings.. I can't help you too much. Unless you find something on sale (read: something they've had too long and want to get rid of it), you aren't going to get anything really big. But there are some nice low karat-weighted rings, so just keep looking around. We found a $1400 ring that we could have gotten on sale for $400 (my wife lost her wedding/engagement ring). But since it didn't turn her crank, we went with another, cheaper, option.

What I did for her engagement ring was pick out the diamond, and then picked out a white gold band and had the jewelers put them together. I wanted a nice rock and white gold, and ended up spending $700. Then when we were to get married, she picked out the wedding band (wrap-around). That was far cheaper, as she had more options to choose from.

As far as re-sizing, that shouldn't be an issue. At least at Kay's, they had a service you paid a one time small amount, and had free re-sizing lifetime as long you take the ring(s) to a Kay's. I would imagine many, if not all, jewelers have the same kind of service. The ring will be off of her hand for about a week, tops, while it is re-sized.

Any other questions, feel free to ask.

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I guess my problem is figuring out how sure "sure" is supposed to be, everyone always says that they knew that they wanted to take the plunge, but what does that mean? Some of the time I'm actively thinking about it, most of the time I'd be okay with it, a small fraction of the time I'm antisocial and revert to hyper-independence mode. But, I always come back to the same place and I know I want to be with her, the big issues with me saying "maybe I shouldn't..." always seem to be external (parents, timing, cost/time)



In a perfect world, I'd have a custom ring made that would have special meaning to her (long story), the problem is cost. She would also likely kill me if she found out that I spent more than a grand on a ring (she's thrown figures like $300 out there, but that's not going to get you much of a wedding ring). I've never been a fan of those rings that come in a set, where the eventual wedding ring attaches to the engagement ring.

As for the sizing, it makes logical sense to me that I would be able to exchange a ring of x size for an identical ring of y size, but logic (and my logic) doesn't exactly rule in this world... The idea of sending it away for a couple weeks doesn't make me too happy, but I'd live.

The sizing shouldn't keep the ring away for longer than 7-10 days, I'd think. I had to get mine resized multiple times (due to cold weather shrinking my fingers and warm weather plumping them), and I don't think my ring has been gone for anything longer than 10 days.

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And, I got the ring. And now third parties suggest that I am being improper and a huge pussy by initially not intending to ask her father for his blessings. Why the hell is this so complicated? I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Buy her two rings, stick your neck out for her father, wait 6-24 months, entertain 50 people, feed 50 people, then it's over. Who the hell thought this was a good idea?

So buck the stupid traditions. I was engaged for six days. Planned the entire damn thing in less than a week. Barely 20 people showed up, 8 of whom were my own siblings, two of whom were my parents, the other two of whom were hers. We're still happily married.

My brother spent tens of thousands of dollars on the picture-perfect Southern plantation wedding. They're divorced.

It's about the two of you, not about everyone else. Fuck what they think. All weddings are ultimately the same. No matter how lavish or simple it is, within a week, the memory of your wedding will be just as fuzzy in your guests' mind as their memory of every other wedding they've ever attended. Screen out all the external pressures and just focus on what you two want. You won't be living with the rest of those mooches for the rest of your life, but you will be living with her. Don't let the distractions of planning a wedding blind you to that important fact.

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This would be so much easier if I could get a good sense of if she'd want me to or not, it's really a toss-up. There's some things she's very traditional about, some things she's totally progressive about.

But, kind of shitty time to casually bring it up.

"Hey, would you insist that I ask your father before proposing?"
"No"
"Will you marry me?"

While Non's way is the smarter, easier and less stresser way.. You HAVE to make sure they she's ok with something like that.

We went through hell to get our wedding off without a hitch and have the wedding that she wanted. Looking back, we both wish we just eloped.. But it is what it is, and we have beautiful, expensive, memories to look back on.

The wedding part isn't important part, FYI. It's the marriage part that's the hard part. Don't stop working on the marriage/relationship (make it fun, otherwise it's just work and can burn you out). I know it sounds pretty simple and redundant.. but it's easy to fall in that trap. Don't do it.

One last thing, if my wife's father were alive, I would have asked his permission. To me, it's the right way to do it. I would never accept a guy that proposed to my sisters without knowing that they asked my father for permission (the two guys that proposed have done it right), and I would DAMN sure never accept a guy into my family if he didn't ask me for permission to marry my daughter.

But, that's just me.

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Porforis - My wife and I spent $20 on our rings. They're now broken and we got new rings at some lame teenage rock-n-roll store at the mall for $20 each. These ones were better.

We're happily married, despite my joking on this site.

Now, my brother spent $22k on his wife's ring. Nope, not exaggerating. They're miserable and they fight all the time.

I say get a cheaper ring. Then throw in it a lake and make her dive for it. If she can find it, she deserves to marry you.

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lol @ zombie.

first wedding was a huge costly ridiculous deal. marriage didnt' work.

2nd wedding, we paid for everything ourselves, small, intimate, laid back & fun. the ring means squat after the initial "omg - let me see your ring" from her friends.

as far as asking her dad, if you feel comfortable doing it - do it.
if not - don't.