14 years ago

The only things I can't eat are bananas. No idea why. Throat gets itchy and swollen. Stomach gets upset. It's bizarre.

The poops I'm proud of are flawless victories . I exit the bathroom like a rock star making a stage entrance and announce them to my wife, chest puffed up and head held high.

"zombieslayer" wrote:



I don't use toilet paper. It's downright barbaric. As much as I like making fun of other people's cultures, the one thing Americans get wrong is toilet paper.

TP does not clean the asshole. It just wipes off the excess goo. The Japanese have it right and so do the French.

Look, if you're walking down the street and you step on a banana peel (double bummer for you as you're allergic to bananas) and land hands first in dog doo, you don't wipe your hands off with a paper towel. You wash them.

Same thing with after taking a dump.

Luckily, some Americans are getting it. If you don't have a bidet, wet wipes are the way to go. They make them now where they'll break down in a septic tank.

NSD - You've posted that video before and I'm aware of the long-term damage fructose does to your liver. Thus we eat pretty healthy food except for breakfast when our metabolisms are supercharged and we can get away with eating garbage.

I was having a brain fart. Thanks for the explanations. You ever have one of those days when you know something but you draw blanks and you forget you know that you knew that? Well, when you explained the differences, it clicked. Must be my age creeping up on me. :(

"MassPackersFan" wrote:



Yeah well... the French may know how to handle poo but they haven't got that urine thing figured out.

A little barbarism is good for the soul.
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Nonstopdrivel
14 years ago
There is a myth that people in the Middle East wipe their asses with their left hand. This is so far from the truth, I have to think it's slander passed on by hateful American soldiers solely to depict Muslims as slightly sub-human. They are revolted by the idea of toilet paper. They rinse themselves off with water after relieving themselves. Anyone who has spent time in a Middle Eastern bathroom has seen the bidet available for this purpose.

Oddly, bidets are not used in Germany. They use toilet paper there.
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djcubez
14 years ago
I'm proud of my dumps. At our house we have a journal that you write in whenever you take a dump. "The poop diaries." I hope to publish them one day. Here are a few samples:

"It takes a lot of effort, thought, and commitment to shit somewhere that's not a toilet."

"For some reason the negatives of wearing diapers almost always outweigh the positives."

"Whenever I eat foreign food I have the worst shits. Do foreign people always shit like this?"

"I just took a shit facing backwards. It was intense."

"I just ate a shitload of food at some $5 buffet in Fond Du Lac and now I'm drinking copious amounts of boxed wine. I fear this toilet will be my grave."

Now don't get all impressed and start stealing these gems.
Nonstopdrivel
14 years ago
Anyone can take a dump. It takes a lot more talent for a guy and a girl to take a piss on the same toilet at the same time. Now that's impressive.
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Formo
14 years ago
Rourke.. ICK.

I wipe with my left hand. I'm what you'd call a TRUE souff paw.
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Thanks to TheViking88 for the sig!!
Nonstopdrivel
14 years ago
By "left hand," I meant "bare left hand," of course (i.e., without paper).
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alharrisdude31
14 years ago
hes not alone, i take pictures for contests with my dad, cousins, friends, etc.
im currently in the lead 😉
Cheesey
14 years ago
Mass....same problem for me with bananas. Could eat them when i was young, but not now.
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Trippster
14 years ago
I clicked on the link for "flawless victories" and found not only the definintion of a great dump but this gem too.

"When you grow a dick made of chocolate that ejaculates money"



That being said, I too saw Barnett's twit and replies as such;

I have three types of dumps.

Big ones that float at first and then sink to the bottom I call "A Viking Sh*t"

Ones that can seem to get it together (diareaha) I call " A Lion of a Shit"

And When you think you have a huge successful one to look forward to and it comes out very dissapointing, yup, " It's a Cutler"
"Let Your Light Shine!"
IronMan
  • IronMan
  • Veteran Member Topic Starter
14 years ago

Food down next up 20 100's!!! Yes I love it I think I just got a boner thinking about the season!!
I better wait can't go in the gym with this someone might get the wrong idea lol




http://twitter.com/NickBarnett/status/19349525729 

http://twitter.com/NickBarnett/status/19349913384 
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