I've always had what I guess is called anxiety/panic attacks. For many years they freaked me out. I would reach out to my mom and others to ensure they were OK. I didn't know what was going on. I just knew I had this feeling something horrible was happening or going to happen. The only thing that eased for me was going on long car rides or long walks. I would think about how to handle if X was dead, Y was hurt, how I could be supported to the friends/family of that person and how to be their rock basically.
One time I called my mom and she was like Kev, what's wrong. I was like nothing, why can't I call you without you asking? She said "cuz it's 11pm and you never call anyone, you just show up" ... and that was when she said I was having panic attacks. I scoffed at this for many years.
I've realized what it is --- I'm somehow depressed. I have ZERO reason to be unhappy and/or depressed with my life. Yet, it comes out of nowhere like a Mack truck saying HELLO FUCKER remember me!!!
Over the last year or two I've learned (accepted?) to kind of "self coach" myself off the ledge - so to speak. And this ties into the tremors because I've noticed if I eat, continue to be active that it all connects to my tremors/shaking. The more I take care of myself, allow myself the privilege of having a purpose outside of being dad, the less frequent these panic/anxiety attacks, tremors/shakes and depression rear its' ugly head.
I was actually proud a month or so ago. I had one of those "you'd be better off dead" woe is me feelings. I stood up, walked around a little and said "do you actually want to die or do you want to stop feeling this way". I'd say about ~3 years ago this feeling was daily and it just compounded day after day after day. I never asked that aforementioned question though. I just kept trying to help others with their struggles, shouldering their problems and tried to figure out why I was a complete failure. It took me awhile (talking with counselor helped) that no one really cares about me so it's up to ME to care about ME. That isn't some pity thing either. The premise is if YOU don't care about YOU, then you really can't expect others to. And no the counselor didn't say that to me, lol.
Anyhow, the eye movement thing I feel is real. My long car rides? My eyes were all over the place. I would drive trying to get myself lost. My walks or even cycling? Same thing, my eyes are all over checking out trees, buildings, animals, etc ...
Originally Posted by: Zero2Cool
Outside of public speaking, I don't know much about panic attacks (nor public speaking... though looking at someone forward above their eyes has helped some with public speaking).
I do get anxiety, and it's even been suggested by a medical professional that I might be addicted anxiety, as I guess I'm the king of procrastinating, as there have been times that I couldn't get a dang thing done without any pressure or due date. I need that anxiety and that pressure (though I still strongly strongly.argue that I do my best work at night, with the least amount of distractions).
I believe there is also deep breathing exercises that are said to help panic attacks. Though, I don't remember enough about it.
I ABSOLUTELY love driving without needing to look up directions or any pressure to get there anytime soon, just cruising around, even at my old job, that was my favorite part of the day, the drive to and from work, as the traffic patterns were so smooth. At my new job, they're not so smooth, as you have to hit those brakes at times for sure.
As for depression, I've dealt with that my entire life, was told I had it from a very early age. I'm not going to go into details, but I (wrongly) blamed myself for my Grandfather's death (I was 3, didn't do anything but be at the wrong place at the wrong time, but you try convincing a traumatized 3 year that they're wrong).
Based on my years of researching depression, there are thousands of different causes for it, and so different forms of it can act differently.
But the biggest and most hopefully (non-medicine) solution I've found is the power of the voice (which sounds cra-cra (crazy) but hear me out).
Humans are social animals (yes we're animals), and study after study after study has found that depression are risen time and again which each and every technology advancement that limits vocally talking to each other while visual being able to see each other facial responses. Some of those qualities more important than the others.
But sosical media and texting has absolutely risen depression rates as we aren't doing any of those things. Not talking, not actually seeing a facial nor body response to are actions.
Some other studies have found the best way to combat depression, is simply verbally talk out loud. Verbally talking to someone in person to see their facial and body language is best, followed by video calls which missed out the body language but you still have the fase language. Then voice calls.
My favorite suggestion to people, is talk to a pet... vent all your frustrations, worries, concerns and anything else to a pet... they won't tell anyone, and they might exchange listening to you for petting, or food. Heck, it can be your neighbors pet, as I have done, as my neighbor had a lonely golden retriever.
The study has even suggested simply talking out loud to yourself helps a good bit and that whole you might look crazy, but it is so much incredible healthier for your brain than not vocally talking at all. Even when they study the mentally ill, normally the ones that talk with themselves are usually (not always) less violent as they're using talking with themselves as a coping mechanism and rationale tool, it's the silent ones that you got to watch out for most.
Of course, pills also work for some people, but pills can have pluses and negatives as well.
After talking, the other huge things are sleep, vitamin D, exercise and diet. Sleep helps just about everything as it's a recovery phase for the body. Vitamin D helps mood and most people absorb it from the Sun, the guy videos I posted above has talked about getting out in the sun in the early morning, with nothing covering your eyes for like 45 minutes. In the morning, as it's best thing and wakes you up and helps you get into a better sleep/wake cycle. No specific diet, but make sure you aren't eating trash quality food... and have a well balanced diet.
And I totally know what you mean by Hello MF... as lots of people have told me, why didn't I tell them I was depressed... and the truthful answer as it's because it slowly creeps up on you, you think you're normal and not currently depressed, while you are absolutely depressed until some big huge ass moment happens and it's like, awe damn, I'm been fooled and embarrassed again by not realizing this has been creeping up for weeks or months and now I'm too damn deep and embarrassed and confused to ask for help.... and I can get out of it by myself (not I can't, but I stupidly tell myself that every fucking time).
I'm still having some of the other issues that you are talking about, and I mentally know that no one else cares, but for some reason, I still have a hard time caring about myself, and I guess I really don't to a degree, and feel like a complete failure.
I don't feel like I want to kill myself anymore but when I was a teenage I did and my Mom got me to promise that I would try to outlive her (though she never told me she was going to love so dang long 😋). But as long as both my parents are still alive, I think I'll certainly want to keep living. After one of them is gone, I'm not sure how I'll feel, as they really are extreme personality roles that sorta balance each other out... and without the other, they might be going nuts or driving others nuts.
As for counselors, I've been hit and miss with them, I probably should try another... but the last one I had (probably a decade ago), I can sum them up in one word "
Why? " That's literally all they had... and I absolutely begged for some feedback or insight and or what does this question for to do with anything, but got absolutely nothing back, and so I was no better at analysis myself than before, and while I did my best to answer every question or in this case every WHY? At some point I completely ran out of potential whys... like Doc, I've told you everything I know or can think of, give me something back to bounce off of... and he would just ask a new question, and then when I answered, ask why.... it was absolutely maddening ... like talking with someone that doesn't believe in mental health but was trying to understand it was more helpful. Sorry, just had to vent about that guy. I still can't understand, why he couldn't give any feedback.