Laser Gunns
11 years ago
Now, we both just hit 21, so I'm trying to wrap my head around this...

I have (over the last few weeks) found 9 bottles of vodka and assorted beverages hidden throughout our apartment. None of them full.

He's driven home drunk on at least one occasion I know of. And he's resumed hanging out with some real dumbshits. I know his schoolwork has slipped. He is staying out reeally late (early AM) multiple days a week and I have a feeling he's not being too smart. He lies about what he's doing (twin-telepathy, and some conflicting stories for proof)

I don't drink, and I hope I'm not being too much of a nervous nancy, but his behavior has gotten pretty abnormal.

I don't want to lose my bro .. Alcoholism wrecked my childhood->young adult life and I really don't want him becoming my drunk-ass mother.

Do I handle it or call in a familystrike?

MintBaconDrivel
Dec, 11, 2012 - FOREVER!
wpr
  • wpr
  • Preferred Member
11 years ago
I wish I could supply the words of wisdom.

At any age your brother's behavior is not good.

Since I don't drink either I don't have any keen insight. There are several members of the board who do understand and hopefully they will be able to assist you.
UserPostedImage
Wade
  • Wade
  • Veteran Member
11 years ago
Lying to those close to you is the biggest danger sign. It's subconscious admission to yourself that you know it's a possible problem, but it's also statement of a belief that you don't think it's out of control.

Add in the fact that the empty bottles are vodka (people often think, erroneously, that, unlike other liquor, vodka use is easier to hide (the "no smell" rationalization), and add in the number of bottles that haven't made it into the dumpster, and it sounds like a serious problem to me.

Because unless those bottles are the aftermath of one or two mega-parties at home they suggest a problem that has been going on awhile. You don't just start consuming liquor in that amount at home from the get go. If you've just been dumped by a girl friend, you might go through a bottle once out of despair/anger/whatever, but you are then going to be hit by an almighty hangover that will keep you away for a couple days. And if you go through a couple at a single dumbass party, the empties are going to hit the trash soon after (in my experience the biggest slobs, of which I am one) don't let multiple empty liquor bottles clutter up the place.

My first thought was that you should gather up all the bottles, empty/half-empty/full, put them on the kitchen table, and confront him with them all at once and ask him to explain. I've been "enjoying" alcohol since I was 16, and not always in moderation either, and, I've never had 9 empty bottles of hard alcohol at one time. I've tried almost every variety of liquor at one time, many of them when I was your age, and it was the accumulation of decades to get a "liquor cabinet" full of bottles. Nine bottles of vodka is a lot of booze, and -- apart from "morning after a big party at the house" -- its going to be hard to explain away without admitting "maybe I do drink too much, maybe I do have a problem."

But the reality, how you handle it ISTM depends critically on the particulars of your relationship with your brother and with the particulars of his and your relationships with the rest of your family, common social circles, etc. Some brothers are really close, in which case bluntness might work best, others are not, and I don't know you're situation. You state that you are roommates, which suggests that you have been pretty close; and you refer to an alcoholic mother, which suggests that there are some other inter-familial tensions. Have these tensions ever gone violent, etc.

I guess what I'd probably do -- this has never come up for me personally having to make the decision how to confront -- is first talk to any family members/friends who know you both well, and compare notes and plot a strategy among you. Confronting the person is often necessary, but the reality is that no problem will be solved without the brother admitting the problem and committing to its solution, but the better the manner of confrontation fits the particulars of your relationships, the more likely it will succeed in moving him toward that admission/commitment.

I don't think the same thing works for everyone. But I do tend to believe that "getting it out in the open" is a necessary condition. Not sufficient, but necessary.

FWIW, that's my view. But, like wpr, I'm no expert.




And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
4PackGirl
11 years ago

having been married to an alcoholic, those are classic signs that your brother is in serious trouble.

please do NOT wait until it's too late. everybody says that they need to want to change in order to change but what I've learned is that isn't necessarily true.
the thing is with addiction is it can move very quickly. I've seen many people watch their family members go downhill slowly & then are shocked when the addict either kills someone else in an accident, kills himself in an accident, get several DUI's, end up in jail, &/or any myriad of scenarios that are NOT good.

most importantly, if you hear nothing else, do NOT bail him out, make excuses for him, or help him in any way that alcohol negatively impacts his life.
living with an addict is horrible & i'm not saying turn your back on him, give up on him, or stop loving him.
what i'm saying is love him enough to get him help.

i'm here for you anytime you need to talk.

Pack93z
11 years ago
Awareness if the first step.. albeit in this case yours not his. But, lucky for him; you're family and will be in it for the long haul.

I walked through that darkness in my life.. and unfortunately flirt with it on occasion.. so I lack any solid advice that will work for you... other than share PackGirl's words that you can't cover for them.. don't bail him out as well, but try to be there to help keep him safe and trying to avoid costly or even grave mistakes.

Is it a kid experimenting with a new found privilege or the first step of trouble.. can't say from here. What I can say, is you have every right to be concerned.. and it sounds like you have the motivation to stay on it.

I wish you and your brother good luck along this path.. and if you need to or want to.. feel free to message me if you need a sounding board. Albeit Julie has a sexier giggle..
"The oranges are dry; the apples are mealy; and the papayas... I don't know what's going on with the papayas!"
Fan Shout
Mucky Tundra (30m) : Getting help would have been nice, but helping ourselves should always be the plan
beast (49m) : Too bad Seahawks couldn't beat Vikings
bboystyle (1h) : We just need to win Monday night and were in
Mucky Tundra (4h) : Or ties, but let's be real here
Mucky Tundra (4h) : Other scenario was Falcons+Rams losses
Mucky Tundra (4h) : Needed a Falcons loss for a Seahawk loss to clinch
buckeyepackfan (4h) : Am I wring in saying if Tge Vikings beat The Seahawks, The Packers clinch?
Mucky Tundra (21-Dec) : Agreed; you stinks
Zero2Cool (21-Dec) : I'm not beating anyone. I stinks.
Mucky Tundra (21-Dec) : rough injury for tank dell. guy can't catch abreak
beast (21-Dec) : So far the college playoffs have sucked... One team absolutely dominates the other
beast (21-Dec) : Well even if you weren't positive towards a guy, you wouldn't nessarily want to tell the media that (if they don't know about it)
Martha Careful (21-Dec) : I think MLF want Love to look past the end half issues, and feel good about his play. Our coaches generally keep a very positive tone.
beast (21-Dec) : I think a great running game will do that for most QBs
packerfanoutwest (21-Dec) : Coach Matt LaFleur has said quarterback Jordan Love is playing the best football of his career.
beast (21-Dec) : Oh, that's how you keep beating buckeye, with cheating
Zero2Cool (20-Dec) : There is a rule that if your name starts with 'b' you lose 15 points. Hey, I don't make the rules, I just enforce them!
wpr (20-Dec) : and then there is Beast. Running away with it all.
beast (20-Dec) : As of tonight, 3 way tie for 2nd in Pick'em, that battle is interesting!
beast (20-Dec) : Lions vs Vikings could be the main last game as it could determine division winners or #1 vs #2 seed
Mucky Tundra (20-Dec) : Or if KC needs to win for the #1 seed
Mucky Tundra (20-Dec) : Right now it looks like the only prime worthy games are Det-Minny and KC-Denver (if Denver can clinch a wild card spot)
Mucky Tundra (20-Dec) : The entirety of week 18 being listed as flex is weird
Zero2Cool (19-Dec) : Matt LaFleur today says unequivocally "Ted Thompson had nothing to do with the drafting of Jordan Love."
Zero2Cool (19-Dec) : Apparently, the editing is what pieces comments together. That Ted thing ... fake news.
Zero2Cool (19-Dec) : LaFleur "opportunity that Ted Thompson thought was too good to pass up"
Zero2Cool (19-Dec) : Jordan Love pick was Ted Thompson's idea.
Mucky Tundra (19-Dec) : Kyle Shanahan on signing De'Vondre Campbell as a FA last offseason: “We obviously made a mistake.”
packerfanoutwest (19-Dec) : Alexander’s last season with GB
Martha Careful (18-Dec) : if I were a professional athlete, I would probably look to see who the agent is for Kirk Cousins and then use him
beast (18-Dec) : $100 million fully guaranteed Kirk Cousins gets benched for rookie
Mucky Tundra (18-Dec) : a lower case b
Mucky Tundra (18-Dec) : The real lie is how beast capitalized his name in his message while it's normally spelled with
packerfanoutwest (18-Dec) : haha that's a lie
beast (17-Dec) : Despite what lies other might tell, Beast didn't hate the Winter Warnings, it felt refreshing to Beast for some reason.
Zero2Cool (17-Dec) : whiteout uniforms in general are pretty lame and weak. NFL greed at it's worst
Martha Careful (17-Dec) : The Viking uniforms, the whiteout uniforms specifically absolutely suck
beast (17-Dec) : Thanks Zero2Cool, looks a lot better now
beast (17-Dec) : Seems like someone has a crush on me, can't stop talking about me
Zero2Cool (17-Dec) : Should be gooder now. The forum default theme went to goofy land.
Zero2Cool (17-Dec) : What the hell
packerfanoutwest (17-Dec) : yeah beast hates the Winter Warning Unies
Mucky Tundra (16-Dec) : Okay I'm glad to know it's not just something happening to me lol
Mucky Tundra (16-Dec) : Zero, did you copy the Packers uniforms from last night and white out the board?
beast (16-Dec) : Oh crap, is the board going to the Winter Warning Uniforms too?!? It's all white on white right now!
Zero2Cool (16-Dec) : WR Odell Beckham Jr is officially a free agent after clearing waivers.
Zero2Cool (16-Dec) : Packers are 6th in sacks.
Zero2Cool (16-Dec) : RB David Montgomery will undergo season-ending knee surgery.
Mucky Tundra (16-Dec) : Dan Campbell on onside kick with 12 minutes left: In hindsight, wish I didn’t do that
Zero2Cool (16-Dec) : They have that whole 12th man thing so ...
Please sign in to use Fan Shout
2024 Packers Schedule
Friday, Sep 6 @ 7:15 PM
Eagles
Sunday, Sep 15 @ 12:00 PM
COLTS
Sunday, Sep 22 @ 12:00 PM
Titans
Sunday, Sep 29 @ 12:00 PM
VIKINGS
Sunday, Oct 6 @ 3:25 PM
Rams
Sunday, Oct 13 @ 12:00 PM
CARDINALS
Sunday, Oct 20 @ 12:00 PM
TEXANS
Sunday, Oct 27 @ 12:00 PM
Jaguars
Sunday, Nov 3 @ 3:25 PM
LIONS
Sunday, Nov 17 @ 12:00 PM
Bears
Sunday, Nov 24 @ 3:25 PM
49ERS
Thursday, Nov 28 @ 7:20 PM
DOLPHINS
Thursday, Dec 5 @ 7:15 PM
Lions
Sunday, Dec 15 @ 7:20 PM
Seahawks
Monday, Dec 23 @ 7:15 PM
SAINTS
Sunday, Dec 29 @ 12:00 PM
Vikings
Saturday, Jan 4 @ 11:00 PM
BEARS
Recent Topics
20m / Green Bay Packers Talk / Mucky Tundra

5h / Green Bay Packers Talk / Zero2Cool

22-Dec / Green Bay Packers Talk / packerfanoutwest

19-Dec / Green Bay Packers Talk / Zero2Cool

19-Dec / Random Babble / Zero2Cool

18-Dec / Green Bay Packers Talk / beast

17-Dec / Green Bay Packers Talk / wpr

17-Dec / Featured Content / Zero2Cool

16-Dec / Green Bay Packers Talk / beast

16-Dec / Green Bay Packers Talk / Martha Careful

16-Dec / Green Bay Packers Talk / beast

16-Dec / Feedback, Suggestions and Issues / Mucky Tundra

16-Dec / Green Bay Packers Talk / Zero2Cool

16-Dec / Green Bay Packers Talk / Zero2Cool

16-Dec / Green Bay Packers Talk / Zero2Cool

Headlines
Copyright © 2006 - 2024 PackersHome.com™. All Rights Reserved.