Laser Gunns
11 years ago
Now, we both just hit 21, so I'm trying to wrap my head around this...

I have (over the last few weeks) found 9 bottles of vodka and assorted beverages hidden throughout our apartment. None of them full.

He's driven home drunk on at least one occasion I know of. And he's resumed hanging out with some real dumbshits. I know his schoolwork has slipped. He is staying out reeally late (early AM) multiple days a week and I have a feeling he's not being too smart. He lies about what he's doing (twin-telepathy, and some conflicting stories for proof)

I don't drink, and I hope I'm not being too much of a nervous nancy, but his behavior has gotten pretty abnormal.

I don't want to lose my bro .. Alcoholism wrecked my childhood->young adult life and I really don't want him becoming my drunk-ass mother.

Do I handle it or call in a familystrike?

MintBaconDrivel
Dec, 11, 2012 - FOREVER!
wpr
  • wpr
  • Preferred Member
11 years ago
I wish I could supply the words of wisdom.

At any age your brother's behavior is not good.

Since I don't drink either I don't have any keen insight. There are several members of the board who do understand and hopefully they will be able to assist you.
UserPostedImage
Wade
  • Wade
  • Veteran Member
11 years ago
Lying to those close to you is the biggest danger sign. It's subconscious admission to yourself that you know it's a possible problem, but it's also statement of a belief that you don't think it's out of control.

Add in the fact that the empty bottles are vodka (people often think, erroneously, that, unlike other liquor, vodka use is easier to hide (the "no smell" rationalization), and add in the number of bottles that haven't made it into the dumpster, and it sounds like a serious problem to me.

Because unless those bottles are the aftermath of one or two mega-parties at home they suggest a problem that has been going on awhile. You don't just start consuming liquor in that amount at home from the get go. If you've just been dumped by a girl friend, you might go through a bottle once out of despair/anger/whatever, but you are then going to be hit by an almighty hangover that will keep you away for a couple days. And if you go through a couple at a single dumbass party, the empties are going to hit the trash soon after (in my experience the biggest slobs, of which I am one) don't let multiple empty liquor bottles clutter up the place.

My first thought was that you should gather up all the bottles, empty/half-empty/full, put them on the kitchen table, and confront him with them all at once and ask him to explain. I've been "enjoying" alcohol since I was 16, and not always in moderation either, and, I've never had 9 empty bottles of hard alcohol at one time. I've tried almost every variety of liquor at one time, many of them when I was your age, and it was the accumulation of decades to get a "liquor cabinet" full of bottles. Nine bottles of vodka is a lot of booze, and -- apart from "morning after a big party at the house" -- its going to be hard to explain away without admitting "maybe I do drink too much, maybe I do have a problem."

But the reality, how you handle it ISTM depends critically on the particulars of your relationship with your brother and with the particulars of his and your relationships with the rest of your family, common social circles, etc. Some brothers are really close, in which case bluntness might work best, others are not, and I don't know you're situation. You state that you are roommates, which suggests that you have been pretty close; and you refer to an alcoholic mother, which suggests that there are some other inter-familial tensions. Have these tensions ever gone violent, etc.

I guess what I'd probably do -- this has never come up for me personally having to make the decision how to confront -- is first talk to any family members/friends who know you both well, and compare notes and plot a strategy among you. Confronting the person is often necessary, but the reality is that no problem will be solved without the brother admitting the problem and committing to its solution, but the better the manner of confrontation fits the particulars of your relationships, the more likely it will succeed in moving him toward that admission/commitment.

I don't think the same thing works for everyone. But I do tend to believe that "getting it out in the open" is a necessary condition. Not sufficient, but necessary.

FWIW, that's my view. But, like wpr, I'm no expert.




And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
4PackGirl
11 years ago

having been married to an alcoholic, those are classic signs that your brother is in serious trouble.

please do NOT wait until it's too late. everybody says that they need to want to change in order to change but what I've learned is that isn't necessarily true.
the thing is with addiction is it can move very quickly. I've seen many people watch their family members go downhill slowly & then are shocked when the addict either kills someone else in an accident, kills himself in an accident, get several DUI's, end up in jail, &/or any myriad of scenarios that are NOT good.

most importantly, if you hear nothing else, do NOT bail him out, make excuses for him, or help him in any way that alcohol negatively impacts his life.
living with an addict is horrible & i'm not saying turn your back on him, give up on him, or stop loving him.
what i'm saying is love him enough to get him help.

i'm here for you anytime you need to talk.

Pack93z
11 years ago
Awareness if the first step.. albeit in this case yours not his. But, lucky for him; you're family and will be in it for the long haul.

I walked through that darkness in my life.. and unfortunately flirt with it on occasion.. so I lack any solid advice that will work for you... other than share PackGirl's words that you can't cover for them.. don't bail him out as well, but try to be there to help keep him safe and trying to avoid costly or even grave mistakes.

Is it a kid experimenting with a new found privilege or the first step of trouble.. can't say from here. What I can say, is you have every right to be concerned.. and it sounds like you have the motivation to stay on it.

I wish you and your brother good luck along this path.. and if you need to or want to.. feel free to message me if you need a sounding board. Albeit Julie has a sexier giggle..
"The oranges are dry; the apples are mealy; and the papayas... I don't know what's going on with the papayas!"
Fan Shout
Mucky Tundra (13h) : @AaronNagler · 2m Both Jordan Love and Malik Willis were Limited participants at Packers practice today.
Zero2Cool (15h) : Johnson didn't make it until 2020. Ring 2023. 🤷 Personally, he should have been in years prior to Hall.
Zero2Cool (15h) : HUMP DAY
beast (16h) : Guys that have a good shot at making the NFL Hall of Fame usually get into their teams pretty fast
beast (16h) : Yeah, but is Kampman and the others in the NFL Hall of Fame?
Zero2Cool (16h) : Johnson was Hall of Fame, 2020. Should haev been in Ring a year later, not three years.
Zero2Cool (16h) : I could be wrong there though
Zero2Cool (16h) : Guys like Kampman, Tim Harris, Al Harris, etc all over 15 years. Hall of Fame is 5 year wait
Zero2Cool (16h) : I guess I see players in Packers Hall come way later
beast (16h) : Yeah, usually teams hall of fames are a much lower bar than the NFL
Zero2Cool (16h) : is it uncommon for Hall before Ring?
Zero2Cool (16h) : S Xavier McKinney named first-team All-Pro by NFLPA
beast (18h) : I missed it, sorry, but he got into the NFL Hall of Fame years before that
Zero2Cool (18h) : Jones took his sweet ole time!
Zero2Cool (18h) : Yeah, he's in the ring of honor, just saw video and his name is up there
Zero2Cool (18h) : Didn't they have a thing in 2023 for Jimmy's ring of honor? I swear I saw it
beast (18h) : Though if they're legitimately trying to re-sign MM, then it makes sense.
beast (18h) : Jerry Jones still hasn't put Jimmy Johnson in the Ring of Honor, but he's in the NFL's Hall of Fame, Jones is petty
Mucky Tundra (8-Jan) : Unless the Cowboys are planning an extension, seems kinda petty
beast (8-Jan) : Cowboys denied Bears request
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : From what I'm reading, MM is under contract through the 14th of January; after that he's free game
Zero2Cool (6-Jan) : McCarthy let go or not extended??
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : Chicago Bears have asked the Dallas Cowboys permission to interview Mike McCarthy for head coaching vacancy
Zero2Cool (6-Jan) : The winners page that is
Zero2Cool (6-Jan) : I was not hoping for that. It messes up the page lol
beast (6-Jan) : Thank you, and I was really opening we were going to get 4 or more tied for the top 3.
beast (6-Jan) : Thank you, and I was really opening we were going to get 4 or more tied for the top 3.
beast (6-Jan) : Thank you, and I was really opening we were going to get 4 or more tied for the top 3
Zero2Cool (6-Jan) : congrats beast on 2024 !
Zero2Cool (6-Jan) : congrats porky on winning 2023 pick'em! (oops sorry)
Zero2Cool (6-Jan) : Packers have $60M+ of 2025 cap space on paper TODAY.
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : Missed FG into a Lions TD; that'll do pig, that'll do
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : That might be it for the Vikings
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : Oh so the refs do know what intentional grounding is
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : what the hell was that Goff?! Not much pressure and he just air mails it to Harrison
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : They really need to to get rid of the auto first down for illegal contact
Martha Careful (6-Jan) : watching the Vikings and Lions it's understandable why they swept the Packers. So much better product
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : Even when GB got pressure he was throwing darts; vs no pressure on that last pass he just air mails an open guy
Zero2Cool (6-Jan) : didn't have guys in his face ... pressure makes difference
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : Where was this Darnold vs GB?
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : BALL DON'T LIE
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : how was that not a safety? Goff throws it at an offensive lineman
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : Zero, I thought that was a given! ;)
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : Zero I looked through earlier and noticed the same thing. Bonkers year. I just wonder if beast put any money on games
Zero2Cool (6-Jan) : I'm hoping for BLOODBATH. Pummel one another.
Zero2Cool (6-Jan) : 8 people in pick'em would have won any year with their total lol
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : I'm rooting for the Lions to lose.
Mucky Tundra (6-Jan) : God help me but I'm rooting for the Vikings to...Vikings to...Christ I can't say it
Zero2Cool (6-Jan) : 4 td for Rodgers
Zero2Cool (6-Jan) : Chiefs got shutout
Please sign in to use Fan Shout
2024 Packers Schedule
Friday, Sep 6 @ 7:15 PM
Eagles
Sunday, Sep 15 @ 12:00 PM
COLTS
Sunday, Sep 22 @ 12:00 PM
Titans
Sunday, Sep 29 @ 12:00 PM
VIKINGS
Sunday, Oct 6 @ 3:25 PM
Rams
Sunday, Oct 13 @ 12:00 PM
CARDINALS
Sunday, Oct 20 @ 12:00 PM
TEXANS
Sunday, Oct 27 @ 12:00 PM
Jaguars
Sunday, Nov 3 @ 3:25 PM
LIONS
Sunday, Nov 17 @ 12:00 PM
Bears
Sunday, Nov 24 @ 3:25 PM
49ERS
Thursday, Nov 28 @ 7:20 PM
DOLPHINS
Thursday, Dec 5 @ 7:15 PM
Lions
Sunday, Dec 15 @ 7:20 PM
Seahawks
Monday, Dec 23 @ 7:15 PM
SAINTS
Sunday, Dec 29 @ 3:25 PM
Vikings
Sunday, Jan 5 @ 12:00 PM
BEARS
Recent Topics
6h / Green Bay Packers Talk / Zero2Cool

8h / Green Bay Packers Talk / bboystyle

8-Jan / Around The NFL / beast

7-Jan / Fantasy Sports Talk / wpr

7-Jan / Green Bay Packers Talk / Zero2Cool

7-Jan / Fantasy Sports Talk / Zero2Cool

6-Jan / Green Bay Packers Talk / bboystyle

6-Jan / Green Bay Packers Talk / Martha Careful

6-Jan / Green Bay Packers Talk / Martha Careful

6-Jan / Green Bay Packers Talk / Martha Careful

6-Jan / Green Bay Packers Talk / beast

6-Jan / Featured Content / Zero2Cool

6-Jan / Green Bay Packers Talk / Zero2Cool

5-Jan / Green Bay Packers Talk / buckeyepackfan

3-Jan / Green Bay Packers Talk / bboystyle

Headlines
Copyright © 2006 - 2025 PackersHome.com™. All Rights Reserved.