"Pentagon, Col. Schmuckatelli speaking."
Me: "Yes, I would like to report some 4-wheelers that are going to be missing after they get drunk at MacDonald's pass and try and cross the great continental divide after getting plowed in the snow using GPS and transmitters."
The Colonel: "You are reporting some drunks in a McDonald's that were lost in the snow to the Pentagon? I know this voice... aren't you the guy that reported some deer hunters bar-hopping in Wisconsin sighting UFO's---And aren't you the same guy that wanted me to fix your Chevy under warranty and send you a tank as a loaner?"
Me: "Yes, that was me, but you are screwing up the story. You see, these guys haven't actually left yet, they are GOING to get lost in the snow-- NOT ALREADY LOST IN THE SNOW, otherwise I'd be calling the Montana National guard and I know they wouldn't listen to me until the guys were actually lost."
The Colonel: "OK, OK, I got it now. They are going to get drunk and lost in the snow at the McDonald's."
Me: No, No No- you never listen right...what the hell are we paying all these tax dollars for...this is very frustrating."
The Colonel: "Well, that is the first time you have ever told me anything we can all agree upon, frustrating it is... You do realize it is almost June, and it has stopped snowing..."
Me: "Not where THEY are it hasn't stopped snowing!"
The Colonel: "Right, at the McDonald's...tell 'em to go inside and not use their pass at the drive in."
click.
Sorry Bob, I may have jumped the gun there a tad. In the event something were to happen, I came away with the impression that it would probably be a good idea to just go ahead and summon your squirrels. I got a bad feeling that a more formal response might be a little slow in arriving. Have a great trip!