I was reading a story this morning from a passenger on an airplane that got angry because a fellow passenger had placed a duffel bag on his assigned seat, resulting in a passing match and his being bumped into 1st class as a result, coupled with his continued trauma over the entire incident...his "horror story", if you will.
That story made me reflect back on some of my experiences aboard an Aircraft. It also reminded me of what has made me both a very tolerant person relative to so many, and both an intolerant person at least internally to so much whining, pissing, moaning and groaning about nonsensical petty bullshit. Here is a story of an hour flight I once took...

I was aboard the USS Inchon, an LPH. A landing platform helicopter. We are going out in the field for training. Inbound comes a squadron of choppers to pick us up. Something doesn't look right as they approach. You get used to seeing and hearing the various aircraft in our inventory, and this ain't it. Sure enough as they get closer, I realize that these are CH-34's. These have been out of the US Marines inventory long before I has even joined the Marines, so I'm wondering who the fuck is even authorized to land on a Navy LPH, much less pick up US Marines. You see, it isn't like the Marines get rid of stuff every couple of years or anything in the 1st place, so color me nervous in the service as I watch these aircraft land. Tired, ugly, symbol of Great Britain on the fuselage, but under a thin coat of olive drab paint I can see "MARINES" bleeding through opaquely. Not British Royal Marines, mind you, US Marines... This is NOT good as you prepare to embark over the ocean for an inderminate period until you reach land. A US Marine hand me down from a decade previous. As it turns out, these are British Royal Marine aircraft, and they are an interesting bunch of fellows, as I hope to convey in this little story...
So myself and several of my fellow Marines board this chopper uneventfully and we proceed towards land. Onboard are the pilot, co-pilot up front in plain view and the crew chief in the back with us. The crew chief has the usual Helmet, dark visor and microphone to the chin that anyone who ever saw a war flick can envision. He is at the door staring out the side of the aircraft, pretty much oblivious to his passengers. His head is actually sticking out of the plane in the slip-stream, which is kind of odd.
We passengers figure out why real quick. Overhead is a mass of wire, hoses, mechanical stuff we have no clue what does what stuff. Emanating from that jumble is a steady drip drip drip and mist of red hydraulic fluid for dripping purposes, and a pink mist for high pressure leak purposes, to the point it is spraying all of us to the point that we are all getting a bit soaked by hydraulic fluid.

Now I'm no aircraft mechanic, but do consider myself pretty handy, and this just doesn't seem quite right to me, and I happen to be the senior Marine on board. Hopefully I capture the essence of a most fascinating conversation all those years ago...

I tap the crew chief on the shoulder, he turns to me (1st time he has turned our way since boarding). I point to the floor, my fellow Marines, the overhead and make a waving motion as regards the pink mist enveloping the entire passenger bay...

He nods and turns around, sticking his head back out the aircraft...
Seemed kinda rude, to me, at the time...
More to follow...

...I tug on his shoulder by grabbing a fistful of flightsuit, make a whirly bird going into the ocean hand signal I just invented, which was effective enough to get him to reach back and hook up a helmet and mic so we could chat.
Me: This fucking aircraft is huffing hydraulic fluid and you are sitting there with your thumb up your ass!
BRM: If it's bugging you, mate, stick your head out like I'm doing...
Me: You gotta be shitting me, you aren't doing shit- does the pilot even know what the fuck is going on back here!!??
BRM: He does now, mate, we're connected to the IMC, so he can hear you getting your knickers in a knot.

There's a curtain between the back and the front of the aircraft, like a quilted silver heavy grade shower curtain on curtain rods. The pilot closes it.

Me: What is that whining noise every time we turn a little bit...it sounds a LOT like a power steering pump low on fluid in a car, and we ain't in a car right now in case you didn't notice, and what happens if we run out, and why the fuck don't you or any of you seem to give a shit...(and other things that I can't recall in a very rapid-fire scared shitless kind of way)...

BRM: Look, Yank, there isn't anything I can do about it right about now, so in answer to your question (We just went "feet dry" in mid-statement, and he and I looked down simultaneously)

I imagine we'll be the first ones on the ground, so we have that going for us.

We landed where we were supposed to, the other aircraft landed, and took off. Our aircraft shut down and I had the opportunity to talk to the pilot, co-pilot and crew chief while they waited for parts.

They were fully aware of the problem, a crimped hydraulic hose at a fitting, had already had a replacement enroute to the lz (landing zone) we were standing in, had plenty of primary and back up fluid, the aircraft would still be flyable and steerable even if it ran out...

So why didn't he tell me? Why did the pilot close us out by shutting that curtain when he did?

They KNEW we would be freaking out about it, and decided to fuck with the yanks. Classic British understated humor-wise.

It worked, lol

To this day I wonder if the US Navy was " in on" the little joke the Brits played on us, I suspect not, as I don't think they would have let them leave the carrier, but then again...

My completely imaginary conversation between the pilot and air boss on the carrier:

Pilot: Be advised we have a bit of a leak and may mussy up your flight deck a tad.
Air Boss: Are you declaring an emergency at this time? Do you need us to fix your leak?
Pilot: Oh no, nothing that dramatic, mate, you yanks charge too much for repairs, we'll be in and out of your hair momentarily
Airboss: Well, you could be potentially endangering US personnel, but they are friggin' jarheads, so use your best judgment, and to be honest. those assholes clog our chow lines and use up our water, so have at it as you see fit...
Pilot: Roger that, a little payback courtesy of her majesty's finest heading their way.
Air boss: Give her my best wishes, Navy out, have a safe scary flight.


So, bottom line, if someone puts their duffel bag on my seat I probably will not get too bent out of shape about it, unless, of course, the duffel bag is soaked in hydraulic fluid.

Thanks for the ride down memory lane gunny.

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Dfosterf.....why did you get so worked up about a little hydrolic fluid???
What a WUSSY!!!

JUST KIDDING!!!😂
If that had happened to me, I would have needed a clean pair of underware! (And PANTS!)
Again, thank you for your service!
It’s men like you that gave us (and kept us our) freedom!
Cheesey (Alan)

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