it's just hard & this isn't the first time something i've tried to do for her has blown up in my face.
i'm allowed to be hurt by this. sure i'll get past it but for right now, i'm upset.
she's acting like an immature child instead of taking some time to really absorb what i said to her which is not atypical of her BUT usually when it involves her health, she's very proactive. not this time - at least not yet.
when you've spent your entire life trying to live up to the expectations of someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally, trust me - it tends to put a chip on your shoulder. of course i love her, she's my mom but i've been beating my head against a wall for 43 years & dammit - i've got a f'in headache!!!
Originally Posted by: 4PackGirl
No doubt you are allowed to be hurt by this, I don't think anyone is thinking differently. But understanding why she is reacting to your best intentions is the key to getting over it, at least it would be for myself. We have the benefit of removing the emotions from the situation.
Doing the right thing for others, especially dealing with emotionally charged subjects, is rarely going to be easy. From your description of her, she is a strong willed pride filled woman. Showing any weakness that others can see, even family, is utmost difficult. I am sure she knows there are instances where you are spot on, but admitting that admits weakness. And I am sure there is some hurt on her part because she wants to be the pillar. Probably why you feel your brother is the golden child, he challenges her at every turn, regardless of his intentions she probably strives to prove him wrong at every turn. Another reason you probably feel pushed aside, as you have always been a support for her, this mention or suggestion on your part probably caught her off guard somewhat.
I guess this is the way I see it, and yes I don't have the emotional element to deal with, but you have now planted the seed. She will be on guard for signs, and while she might deny them for a while, sooner or later she will have to accept and deal with it. And it will be something that she will monitor for sometime to come, because her pride and independence will compel her to do so.
So yes, you got handed the shit sandwich for bringing it to her attention, but at the end of the day, I think you did the right thing. Awareness is the first step, acceptance will be the second. That part, she is going to have to come to on her own accord and more than likely until she hits that stage, nothing you do will speed that along.
I applaud you and any other that have that strength to have that talk with your parents, your personal heroes. I hope I have the same strength when called upon.
"The oranges are dry; the apples are mealy; and the papayas... I don't know what's going on with the papayas!"