I guess I'm not sure why suicide should change the respect we do or do not have for a person.

We've had this discussion before (I looked, but I couldn't find the thread -- I'm search challenged). It seems to me that there are two kinds of suicide. One is the kind that happens because the person got caught with his or her hands in the the cookie jar, fondling five year olds, or whatnot, and doesn't want to have to endure public disgrace. The other is the one that comes because of some serious mental illness like depression. I think our reaction, our decision about "respect", should be different in the two cases.

The "avoiding disgrace" variety involves a variety of cowardice, an unwillingness to "take's one medicine" that compounds the offense to our sensibilities brought on by the person's original bad acts. Not respecting the suicide in such cases makes some sense.

I've seen nothing to suggest that Seau's action was of this type, however. You never know what kind of skeletons another person has in his closet, but it seems to me highly, highly unlikely based on the information out there so far.

But the "mental illness/depression" variety is a very different thing, and insofar as Seau's death was in fact suicide, I think this is much more likely the reason. When something like depression gets hold of a person to the extent that he or she seriously contemplates suicide, that person's mental balance has become such that he is not capable of thinking like a "reasonable" person. This is why it is so, so important to get those people to get help -- when things are this bad, no one, no matter how "strong" or "adult" they are, is capable of pulling himself up by his own bootstraps. Apart from serendipity (or, if share my worldview, divine intervention) you , this is *not* something you can do without help.

And, unfortunately, if the person has gone this far out of balance, by definition its going to be more and more difficult to see the need to get help, more and more difficult to see the point in getting help. If the person has gone this far out of balance, he is literally unlikely to be capable of weighing the effects of his choice on kids, family, other loved ones.

And, also unfortunately, it isn't always to see when you are crossing the line between moderate mental illness (where you still can distinguish between what is possible and what is not, where you can still distinguish between your own despair and your responsibility to children and others) and severe mental illness (where you cannot). We know a lot more about the chemistry and biology and neurology of the brain than we used to -- and have some wonderful drugs/therapy methods now -- but what we don't know still dwarfs what we do.

For this second kind of suicide cases, in my opinion, the question of respect simply shouldn't enter into our opinions at all. It is sad, beyond sad, that Seau's kids will have to live the rest of their lives knowing that he did or might have commit suicide. But that doesn't mean the rest of us should change how we feel about their father's essential character. We can feel sad that something happened to disturb his mental state enough to take him down this path, something that cut him permanently off from his children (and, for that matter, if one believes a certain way, cut him permanently off from God). But more than that we should not do.

The reality is that if the person is suicidally depressed, the only escapes ALL require the person to put himself first. Not just the escape of suicide, but the escape to health via treatment. If Daddy is to get better, Daddy has to commit himself to healing himself first and fulfilling his obligations (family as well as economic or otherwise) second. Only after he has got sufficiently on the path to healing, can those other things be brought back into the equation.

Be sad about the tragedy. But don't judge the person just because he was the one who pulled the trigger.

Originally Posted by: Wade 

I've lost my father who was only 49 at the time. I've lost a child who was only two weeks old. I would give anything to have them back in my life, but they were snatched away from me. That is why it pisses me off when people kill themselves. Everything special in his kids life will be painful because he is not there to share it with them. That is why I say they deserved better.

Originally Posted by: TheKanataThrilla 

It is an opinion on the current direction of the thread, nothing more or less. Certainly not holier than thou or intended to be a personal attack upon anyone or their opinion.

Originally Posted by: Pack93z