Dear Minnesota politicians,
I hear you have several hundred million dollars to invest, and that a bunch of rich people who can't find private investors are offering to give you a small rate of return on your investment.
I thought you might like to know I have two alternative ways for you to spend those monies, both of which will return well above the return those rich beggars are promising.
The moderately expensive one would be to put all the money in my special Wade Fund for High Returns on Big Investments. You would have 24-7 attention from my crack team of market specialists, etc etc. And I guarantee at least twice the net positive effect on your economies that any stadium yet proposed would give.
However, while I personally would be more than willing to use the resources of the Wade Fund investment team -- i.e., me and my fellow brilliant sorts -- truth in advertising leads me to admit that there's an even better route for you.
(Actually, there's two better routes, but since the other one involves you *retiring* yourself and your colleagues permanently, we won't go there today.)
No, the better route would take no more than a hundred dollars and the usual sort of E-trade type transaction fees.
Here it is: buy a good set of darts. (Actually those cheapo plastic ones would do, but if you get a good set, the darts will serve double duty and help you beat your friends when playing "Cricket" at the local tavern.)
Then, once every six months or so, go out and buy a copy of the Financial Times or the Wall Street Journal. (Yeah, I know the buck or two price is outrageous, but remember, you're only buying a couple issues a year.)
Take the financial pages and attach them to your dartboard. Face the dartboard, then blindfold yourself. Now toss your darts, one at a time, at the dartboard. Each dart (probably 9 or so each six months) will either land on a potential investment or, if you throw like your average Minnesota quarterback, end up in someone's beer glass.
If you hit an investment, take 20 million or so and invest it on that investment. For every dart that misses the dartboard, give 20 million back to the good citizens of Minnesota in the form of a tax refund, since anyone who can't even hit a target from 8 feet shouldn't be trusted with 20 million dollars.
Do this, and I guarantee that between the refunded money and the investments that your random tosses offer, you'll get at least as high a return as those hustlers in their $5,000 suits and $10 million planes and $5 canapes in their luxury boxes can offer.
Sincerely,
Wade
CEO, The Wade Fund
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2 (NKJV)