Yes, I have.  

this tweet made me laugh...I had to respond to him.

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I have a longstanding intestinal issue, so every dump I take is something to be grateful for. (And no, I don't have a stick up my ass.)

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God I hope it's not Crohn's disease. My deepest sympathies to anyone who has that disease.

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No, thankfully. I actually have fructose intolerance, and considering almost everything has sugar (which is half fructose) or high-fructose corn syrup added to it nowadays, there are many foods I cannot eat. As long as I keep my diet carefully under control, I live essentially pain free. If I'm not careful, though, I experience extreme abdominal pain and often constipation. When I was at boot camp, before I knew what my problem was, I went 25 days without a bowel movement and was hospitalized.

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Blessed are those without food allergies.

Well, good to know that you know what you must avoid.

OK, what's the difference between sucrose, glucose, dextrose, and fructose? Assuming you have no problems with sucrose, glucose, and dextrose.

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The only things I can't eat are bananas. No idea why. Throat gets itchy and swollen. Stomach gets upset. It's bizarre.

The poops I'm proud of are flawless victories . I exit the bathroom like a rock star making a stage entrance and announce them to my wife, chest puffed up and head held high.

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Sucrose (common table sugar) is a disaccharide consisting of a molecule of glucose bound to a molecule of fructose, so I have the same problems with sucrose that I have with any source of fructose.

Glucose is the simplest sugar; every cell of every organism on this plant burns glucose as its primary fuel (brain cells can only burn glucose). So obviously, I have no problem with glucose.

Dextrose is simply another name for glucose.

Fructose is another simple sugar. Unlike glucose, however, fructose can only be metabolized by cells in the liver. If that makes it sound like a toxin, that's because it is. Fructose has all the same effects on the body that ethanol (alcohol) does, except for short-term intoxication, since brain cells cannot process it.
[youtube]dBnniua6-oM[/youtube]

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I don't use toilet paper. It's downright barbaric. As much as I like making fun of other people's cultures, the one thing Americans get wrong is toilet paper.

TP does not clean the asshole. It just wipes off the excess goo. The Japanese have it right and so do the French.

Look, if you're walking down the street and you step on a banana peel (double bummer for you as you're allergic to bananas) and land hands first in dog doo, you don't wipe your hands off with a paper towel. You wash them.

Same thing with after taking a dump.

Luckily, some Americans are getting it. If you don't have a bidet, wet wipes are the way to go. They make them now where they'll break down in a septic tank.

NSD - You've posted that video before and I'm aware of the long-term damage fructose does to your liver. Thus we eat pretty healthy food except for breakfast when our metabolisms are supercharged and we can get away with eating garbage.

I was having a brain fart. Thanks for the explanations. You ever have one of those days when you know something but you draw blanks and you forget you know that you knew that? Well, when you explained the differences, it clicked. Must be my age creeping up on me. 😞

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Dude wet wipes? How you 'spose to get stanky farts without the resi-poop on the dingle berries?

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