Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
give her sperm she will make a baby.
give her a house she will give you a home.
give her groceries she will give you a meal.
give her a smile she will give you her heart.
she multiplies and enlarges what she is given.












So.. if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit!!

for some reason, i quite enjoy this little diddy. 🙂

Actually quite proud of myself this morning. When my wife got home last night, I had completed this chore. I got all the carpet up, all the padding, removed all of the staples, and swept the floors with a paintbrush and tray. I also put the old hallway carpet back down, as the wife had expressed concern that Max might hurt himself on the tack strips.

The reason I am proud is because of what I DID NOT DO, and that came to light this morning. I DID NOT use "her" vacuum cleaner in the endeavor. I have a shop vac, but as everyone knows, they are like a coke machine on wheels, and generally a pain in my ass. Nope, just swept, but swept extremely well. (Kind of like washing your car, I could detect every little single stray staple that might otherwise be missed)

So now the shoe is on the other foot. The wife grabs HER vaccum, and does what all wives do, which is go behind my work to get it to her standards.

Vacuum conked out on her. Deader than a doornail. Now please be advised that this bedroom and hallway are already clean as a whistle, so that isn't the problem, evidence to the contrary from your perspective due to the fact that the wife is in fact vacuuming it.

I take it apart. Wife in other room fretting. I'm fretting also, as I was on the vacuum purchasing trips with her last year. This is a vacuum cleaner I want to repair, believe me.

So, I take the 800 screws out of all the various hiding places in the housing, complete with multiple yanks on the two halves and the required finding of the various diabolically hidden screws and whack fastening methodologies employed by the Chinese--you got the picture, I'm sure...

I have a clogged HEPA filter and a very warm motor housing. I can't get at that motor housing, but I already know that if I do..well, it's kind of like a girl looking at an automotive engine- I mean really, what difference does it make?

So, I yell to the wife, "Come here, I need you to clean this!" (The HEPA filter) She makes a fatal error, here. She says, "What's that?"

Boom. I have her by the balls if she had any. I say, "That is the HEPA filter, and it's clogged. That will cook off the motor."

I can't figure out shit with the vac, spend 20 minutes just re-installing the wires in the little slots that run up the side of the housing for the switches, finally somehow get the GD thing back together, plug it back in, and...

It works.

She's f#cked now. She says, "What did you do?" I say, "It was the thermal switch, you overheated it by not periodically cleaning the HEPA filter, and if you're always going to accuse me of abusing vacuums and shit, you might want to stop abusing this one."

I have no clue as to what fixed that vacuum cleaner, suspect the motor does have a thermal protection provision (something bi-metal, perhaps)-
but in 3 marriages of dis-assembly and re-assembly of household appliances and whatnot I have learned that you got a 50-50 shot just by taking the damn thing apart, plus the wife thinks you are worth keeping around a little while longer every time you hit the appliance repair lottery.

More importantly, she has to hesitate just a bit next time I grab that vac for some unauthorized usage. :thumbleft: Oh, and +1 for the ditty, Julie!

thank you foster for this amazing insight into the minds of husbands everywhere. it goes in the vault & does not leave...i'm a forgiver but not a forgetter! poor dan - everytime he fixes somethin he'll get the look of death while i try to figure out if he's f'in with me. 😃

As the permanently unmarriageable sort, I find this thread fascinating.

:)

---