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Offline Zero2Cool  
#1 Posted : Tuesday, June 25, 2013 12:00:52 PM(UTC)
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I've been struggling with a few things and just read an article about a teen girl who was murdered by her boyfriend, rather ex boyfriend. Granted, my things are not romance relationship related, but it's emotions nonetheless. I am always trying to find lessons and things to teach my girls. As you parents know, you can't hold their hand through life. And I personally feel it's better to prepare them for adapting to situations, rather than controlling a situation.

Hopefully some of you can share some experiences or observations, or both. Off the top of my head, I know Troy and Alan and Jeremy and Shawn and Wayne to name a few who have dealt with emotions.

Some say they put their faith in God, some say they bottled it up/blocked it out, and some will have different avenues of handling all different sort of emotions.

I'll try to start it off. Prior to 2008, I wasn't big on being emotional. The closest I came to shedding a tear would have been when Dale Earnhardt died. No, I never met him or spoke to him, but when I seen how many people were hurt by his loss ... I wished over and over that it would have been me and not him that was gone. After all, no news channel would care if I died. Seven years later, I lost my mother. Christ, even typing those words hurts.

The day she died, 6:37am Wednesday while I was driving on highway 172 just approaching the Webster Ave overpass ... tears fell by the buckets down my cheeks. I pulled into work, a job, a career I started just three months earlier and I had to bury these tears so I could do my job. I sat down, grabbed my laptop bag and I couldn't do it - I couldn't work, I couldn't block this out for 5 seconds let alone 10 hrs. I leaned over in my chair and mumbled "my mom died and ... I" and I started bawling. My manager told me to follow him into our bosses office and asked me what was wrong. Here I was, 27 year old man, in front of two grown men whom I respected greatly and no one outside of my parents had ever seen me shed a tear and I couldn't stop the waterworks no matter how hard I tried.

I've had some troubles coping with her loss. I have avoided Sturgeon Bay with the underlining motivation that I'm not seeing mom simply because I haven't went to Sturgeon Bay. Probably silly, but it worked for awhile, until last September when I had to go back for my godson's funeral and then again a few weeks ago for Grandpa's.

What I've found that helps, I guess that's a misnomer, nothing helps ... what I've found that makes it less difficult is when I am missing them to the point of tears, I grab my laptop and start writing them or grab a notebook.

Emotional anger is something completely different. I have a thin temper at times, mainly when it comes to my girls. Other times I have it in check, but it needs to be released. Usually, I go for a long bike ride, or work out, or something that's physically demanding.

You have anything to share?





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Offline Formo  
#2 Posted : Tuesday, June 25, 2013 2:37:10 PM(UTC)
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Crying helps. Like you, I've never been one for tears. I've felt emotions, but have always been good at 'hiding' them. But, how I cope when I get overwelmed is cry. Probably 3-5 times a week I am in tears for a moment at the least. They are normally when I'm alone: At the computer, in the shower, on my way to/from work, etc.

I've only been back to my parents place 2 times since my dad passed. Nearly 8 months have passed since then. And since he was a trucker, I often went 2-5 months without seeing him, so I'm still adjusting to not seeing him when I do go up North to visit (even though we talked on the phone weekly).

I never found myself thinking that I have 'struggled' coping with his loss. Mainly because I honestly feel there's no rhyme or reason to truly cope with losses that we have been dealt. Certainly there are healthy and unhealthy ways to cope, and some downright dangerous. Outside of those circumstances, being emotionally drained, edgy, sobby, etc. isn't 'struggling' to cope but simply coping.

I find myself posting snippets of my thoughts via Facebook when I start getting overwhelmed with my dad's loss. Not sure if it makes anything less difficult, but at least I know I'm not 'holding it in'.
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SINCITYCHEEZE on 6/26/2013(UTC)
Offline Cheesey  
#3 Posted : Wednesday, June 26, 2013 5:21:22 PM(UTC)
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Kevin....i guess in a way, i was "lucky". My Dad always told me it took a stronger man to show his emotions then to hide them.
What he said has helped me in more ways then you can imagine over the years.
God gave us emotions for a reason. Whether it's happiness, or sadness, you should NEVER feel shame for showing that you are HUMAN.
It doesn't make you a wimp or less of a man to let your true feelings know. After all, just because someone chooses not to show emotion, don't let that fool you. EVERYONE has them.
Some use anger, some use booze or drugs to cover them up. It's healthier to let it out then try to be a "man".
It's been 39 years since my Dad died, 22 years since my Mom died. I STILL cry ovwer them, and still have dreams about them.
I went to their graves last memorial day. It does get easier, but you never lose the feelings of love and loss.
I guess that's a good thing though. If you didn't miss them, then how much did you really love them?
Also EVERYONE goes through loss of loved ones at some time in their lives.
I have been able to help others through loss, as i KNOW how much it hurts, and if they know me, they KNOW i won't judge them for how they feel.

Loving someone means you will hurt if they are gone.

Nothing can change that or make it easy.

You are NOT alone my dear friend. Many of us know how you feel and what you are going through.
I'm certain your Mom went through losses in her life as well.
It's a sad part of life, but it is a part we all have to go through.
I wish there was an easy way, but it's never easy.
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thanks Post received 2 applause.
SINCITYCHEEZE on 6/26/2013(UTC), macbob on 6/27/2013(UTC)
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