MontanaBob
15 years ago
If you have no idea what this post is about, go back to my Acts of Kindness post and you'll get the story. Read on.

We went over to Spokane, again, 4th time in two weeks, to see the Lion King play. On the way back yesterday afternoon I told my wife, "I'm going to look for that hammer. It's probably still laying along the edge of the highway."

I knew exactly where the evil tool jumped up and did our tire in last Monday, and I was pretty sure it would still be there. After all, how many idiots stop to pick up a hammer on the Interstate?

We get near the spot and I slow down to 30 mph and sure enough, there's the little criminal laying along side of the road, resting peacefully up against the concrete guard rail. I pull over to the shoulder and back up some. My wife says "what are you doing?"

"I'm going to get that hammer, that's what I'm doing!"

"What about the traffic? You'll get hit." (she has an evil smirk on her face)

"What traffic?" I look around and there isn't a vehicle coming in our direction for 10 miles. Then one car appears way in the distance. Damn traffic is terrible in Northern Idaho and Montana. One car per ten miles of highway....makes a guy nervous to be on the road with these maniacs.

I grab the hammer and sure enough, this is the culprit. Still has a piece of my tire wedged in the claw. And the damning evidence is that piece of tire has a tungsten stud in it. Guilty, the judge and jury say.

About 40 miles from Missoula I get a brilliant idea. This hammer, which is bent, needs a burial at sea, or at least in the Clark Fork River. So I pull off at the Fish Creek exit and head for the Pee Bridge, which is direcrly underneath the Interstate bridge. (The Interstate bridge is 450 feet above the Clark Fork River here in the Alberton Gorge.) I park on the Pee Bridge and get out with the hammer, walk to the railing and heave the hammer out into the darkness. It's totally dark now so I'm guessing the river is somewhere underneath us, down about 400 feet. It's also -4 degrees and my down jacket is in the car.

I'm waiting for the distant sound of the splash in the river, counting the seconds to splashdown.

"One one thousand, two one thous............'CLANG'!!!"

"Clang?????" What the heck. I run back to the car and grab my 2 million watt battery operated spotlight out of the trunk. Every guy needs one of these. They're great for fooling airline pilots. Shine it straight up in the air and they think they took a wrong turn and are flying over the Luxor Hotel/Casino in Las Vegas.

I shine the light down and whoops! I forgot about the BNSF railroad tracks that run directly under the Pee Bridge. The river is below the railroad bridge. Sure enough, there's the hammer laying between the tracks. Well, I'm not THAT stupid to go down and get it. It's just going to have to lay there and spend eternity watching trains go over it.

I swear as I took one last look at the hammer, one of the claws raised up and gave me what looked like the one finger salute.
Anyone for a Weenie Roast?
IronMan
15 years ago
The hammer wins!
wpr
  • wpr
  • Preferred Member
15 years ago
Bob that reminds me of the time I was on my way to my girl friend's (now my wife) house for the weekend.
I was on the road for about 3 hours and I got thirsty so I stopped at a gas station to get a soda pop from the vending machine. (Keep in mind back in the 70's there were not as many options available to us as there are today.)

I get back in my car and head down the road. After a mile or so I opened the can. (Lot's of traffic so I had to watch what I was doing at first.) I took a sip and then looked at the top of the can. It was atrocious. It was filthy. I was disgusted with all the dirt and bugs on that lid. There were no cup holders in those days.

I couldn't hold it for another hour nor did I want to set it down and let it spill. I decided to toss it over the bridge into the river that was just ahead. I got in the left lane. (I did not want to try and throw it over the top of the car, past the shoulder of the road and over the guard rail as I knew I could not do so at 60 miles per hour.)

The bridge deck approached, checked for traffic behind me to make sure the wind would not catch it and carry it into a car behind me. As soon as I got to what I thought was the middle of the bridge I heaved it over the side.

Within 30 seconds a thought occurred to me- What if it did not make it into the river? What if it landed on the windshield of a car on the road below? What if the car ran into anothe vehicle beause of the can? I never thought of it until it was too late. I came past that same bridge about a month later and sure enough there is more surface area below the bridge devoted to an unseen roadway than to the river.

To this day I hope and pray I did not cause anyone any injury. I just never thought about a road being down there.
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