We got back late yesterday from our weekend in Glacier National Park. Weather was great, but awful smokey and hazy from fires in Alberta and B.C.
Got a couple of stories to tell...........hopefully none of you have ever been this dumb! (JK)
First we get up to Logan Pass on Going to the Sun Road and finally find a parking spot. Jerry (my son-law), Bobby, my son, and I decided to walk the trail up towards Hidden Lake. My wife and daughter stayed at the visitor center. The first half mile is boardwalk and there are mountain goats all over the place just grazing and posing for pictures. There's a group of people taking pictures of some goats when Jerry calls out to Bobby and me...."Hey Bob, when do we have to get these goats back down to the ranch?" Not missing a beat my son replies..." Elmer said we could leave them up here until tomorrow evening."
One woman turns around and asks very seriously,..."you mean these are tame goats and not real ones?"
Jerry finally tells her they are real, not farm animals, and even though they will walk right up to you, don't try to pet them. Dangerous.

Then......later on we are down the East side of the park at a parking area along St. Mary's Lake. There is a path that goes down to the lake and winds along for a few miles. Pretty thick with bushes and berries.......just what Grizzlies love. We're just down a little ways, taking pictures, when we hear this Tinkling sound coming down from above.
"What the hell," my son says.
"Must be Santa and his sleigh," Jerry replies
"Gotta be tourists who think those things scare off bears," I chip in.

Sure enough, here comes this family down the path, each one of them vigorously shaking a strap with a bell on it. They stop by us and ask if the path is safe to travel on.

"Not if you keep jiggling those things," Jerry replies
"But we bought these bells at the gift shop at McDonald lake Lodge. They're supposed to keep the bears away." the father replies with a heavy Boston accent.

We explain to the family that we live near here and have Grizzlies near us all the time and they are very curious creatures. Ringing those bells is only going to make them come and investigate in the hopes that possibly a good meal is calling them. The best thing to do is get rid of the bells and talk and make human noises as they walk. Bears know this is a danger signal to them.

So.......we take the bells from them and I give them my can of Bear Spray, show them how to use it, and tell them that the chances of them getting hit by lightning are greater than them seeing a bear.

As we walk away, they continue down the path. I swore I heard "The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music" coming from down the path as they walked into the dreaded unknown.

Bobby then says to me as we climb back up to the car, "Dad, why didn't you tell them about that Grizzly we just saw up on that overlook down there?"

"What....and spoil their fun vacation? Beside, he was a good half-mile away."

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LOLOL!!
Bob...i LOVE your stories!!!
The ONLY thing that would make them better would be if i was there myself and able to take part in your wacky world!
I am CERTAIN i could add some more fun line to the dialog!
Dang.....i wish you lived closer to me!!!

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Bob tells THE BEST stories. He puts you there.

+1

Hopefully I will keep this short, as I am prone to prattle on.

Many moons ago, Alaska, training exercise.

Normally the powers that be keep live ammo out of the hands of the rank and file, best as is possible, so when they issue it, the rank and file get nervous, because they do not do so for just no friggin' reason.

The Marines have chartered a local hunting guide and his lodge to assist with the care and feeding of the jarheads, coupled with "local knowledge".

We are sitting under a covered open-air picnic area, getting our initial lecture on the ins and outs of bears, myths about them, foodstuffs, etc.--much of it as Bob is describing, along with also getting issued .44 magnum pistols---this is making everyone nervous, and the guide/owner is kind of rolling his eyes at that concept--but the jraheads are in charge, not him..oops rambling...

So you hear all these comments as the lecture proceeds...

"F#ck a buncha bears...I'll smoke check that motherf#cker....F#ckin' Grizzly can kma....and on and on and on....

We were out in the woods, two-man shelter halves (pup tents, civilians)
Same night... 'bout 3 am KABOOM--some ass-wipe hears a noise- shoots through his tent--- Didn;t hit anybody, and he swears he saw a bear (through his tent from the inside, but who wants to be picky about it) all this with like three fire-watches (normally 1) patrolling ...

Cleanest bivouac you could imagine. (Reference lecture, bears, and chow/smells/curiosity)We were there a week..I don't think anyone slept a wink. Ostensibly tough-assed Marines loaded to the gills with weaponry and scared like little punks of that place and the critters in the woods.

Sorry, I did ramble.

LOL!
Man......shooting at who knows WHAT!
Could have KILLED somebody!

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Cheesey, If I lived closer to you than I wouldn't be able to get to Glacier as easily or do some of the wacky things I seem to fall into. I think it would be kind of tough to "shoot the rapids" in an inner tube on the Milwaukee River.

dfosterf...it's funny how people's minds work. Put a thought into it..like grizzlies around....and every shadow and dark stump they see is a killer bear charging them. We've been through Glacier about 20 times and I've seen 4 Grizzlies there fairly close, but I'll bet a lot more have seen me and I never new they were there. And forget the myth that Grizzlies can't climb trees like black bears can. THEY DON'T HAVE TO! An adult grizzzly can reach up with his front paws about 12-14 feet high. Try finding low branches to climb on the Ponderosa Pines and Lodgepole Pines out here. Even if you do get on a small tree, Mr. Nice Guy will simply tear the thing out by the roots.

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You think it's not dangerous to "shoot the rapids" on the Milwaukee River???
Do you know what neighborhoods you'd be "floating" through???LOLOL!!!

There would be "shooting" alright........LOLOL!!!

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Yeh right...I forgot about that. but if I survived past the Humboldt Ave. bridge I'm home free. Ooops. forgot my brother lives just south of the Lakefront Brewery in those condos along Commerce St. Waterfront no less. He'd run me over with his boat.

How about the Sheboygan River?.......................nope, they cheered when we moved from there to Montana.

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We are covering the bears nicely. I honestly forget if I have ever told my tiger story, and it even includes lions in order to complete the triad.

Lions and tigers and bears!


Edit:

Oh, my!

I've spent 7 summers working in summer camps. Add it up and it's two years of my life living in a tent. The point being I've been "outside" on occasion.

One of my favorite stories is very subtle. Only the outdoor folks will really "get it."

I was passing through Yellowstone and stopped to see Old Faithful. If you've never seen Old Faithful, there is one thing you need to understand. All the photos and video you see on TV, they all show the scene from the same angle. What you don't see behind the camera is the roads, parking lots, luxury motorcoaches, visitor ceneter, gift shop, and hotel. The place is a zoo and full of people who think two trees together is a woods.

Inside the one building is one of those cardboard clocks where you move the arms. They're usually used to indicate when an establishment will reopen if the clerk had to step out. here it's used to predict when Old Faithful will erupt next.

So I head on up to the geyser, sit, wait, and she goes off about 10 minutes before the predicted time. I'm hanging out and perhaps five minutes later a small group comes up and they start bitching because they missed it and how the park staff were responsible for having the wrong time.

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VegO.....that cardboard clock is now a computerized digital clock that actually comes within a few seconds of "Blast-Off." And you should see the traffic jams trying to get in the Old Faithful parking lot. A friggin' zoo!

That's what's nice about Glacier.....no vehicles over 21 feet long and 8 feet wide can travel past Avalance turn-out on the west side or St. Marys parking area on the east. Mr. Ranger Rick will not be your best buddy if you do try it.

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