wils0646
16 years ago
http://www.startribune.com/sports/vikings/53749062.html?elr=KArksi8cyaiU9PmP:QiUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aULPQL7PQLanchO7DiUr 

It's Monday afternoon in Hattiesburg, Miss. A phone rings by what the Favre family likes to call the "cement pond." A manservant wearing a tuxedo T-shirt forwards the call to Brett Favre's gold-plated tractor phone.

Favre hears a gravelly voice say:

"Mr. Favre? May I call you Mr. Favre? It's Brad. Bald guy, trying to grow a beard just like yours? Mr. Favre, I've been calling you every day for two years, you should remember me by now. Yeah, it's 'Chili.' My first name is Brad.

"Anyway, Mr. Favre, I think our two-year plan has worked perfectly. Now it's time to make our move.

"We found a way for you to avoid going to training camp and sleeping in those cramped dorm rooms and practicing twice a day in that brutal Mankato heat. I know, living in Mississippi, you wouldn't be able to withstand that heat. And I know, after you built your own Presidential Suite near the Jets' locker room last year, that you didn't want to be put in a situation where you might have to meet your teammates.

"Now training camp is done, and you can finally move into that house you bought up here. Brilliant idea, buying Prince's place in Chanhassen. Who's going to notice another reclusive celebrity wearing purple in that neighborhood? Mr. Favre, I also liked your smoke screen, sending relatives up here to buy houses and condos all over town, just to throw people off. Brilliant. I could learn a lot from you. When I want to confuse somebody, I just talk in circles until their eyes glaze over.

"Yes, Mr. Favre, I know you're busy mowing the back 40, and I know the 'My Name is Earl' marathon is about to begin. I'll get to the point. It's time to bring you in. Anybody who didn't like the idea of signing you has had a few weeks to watch Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels. They have to be on board with this now. All we have to do is concoct the right story, so it won't look like we've been planning for this day ever since you left the Packers, even though we've been planning for this day ever since you left the Packers.

"Thank goodness you were such a pain in the butt in New York that the Jets traded up to get Mark Sanchez and then cut you loose. You played that just right.

"I also like your idea about having arm surgery so you wouldn't have to come to training camp. Wait, you're going to tell them what? That you still have a tear in your rotator cuff? Isn't that going overboard? OK, OK, you're the boss. Man, sounds like you want to win an Oscar as much as you want to win a Super Bowl.

"So we'll send Zygi Wilf's plane for you in the morning. Z-y-g-i. The one who looks like Groucho Marx. Yeah, that's the owner. No, don't worry, you won't have to talk to him, either. We'll just make him stand in the back at the press conference.

"We'll fly you up here in the morning, conduct our 'physical' -- don't worry, we have a stunt double they can examine if you're not up for it -- and then we'll hand you the blank check and get you on the practice field.

"Yes, the practice field. Please? Pretty please? Listen, I'm going to have a hard enough time with my veterans after letting you skip training camp. You've got to go out there and throw a few passes, just so I can pretend I'm still calling the shots. Thank you, Mr. Favre, I appreciate it.

"Listen, Mr. Favre, you're going to have to be sensitive to my predicament. I always tell the players that training camp is important, that details are important, that learning the playbook is important, that cohesiveness and protecting the ball and making smart decisions are all important. You're going to have to at least to pretend to care about all that, even if we both know you're going to be drawing up your own plays in the huddle and throwing into triple coverage whenever you darn well please.

"Also, we're going to have to do one of those awkward press conference things Tuesday. I'll get up there and act like you're just another guy -- I know, I'll call you a "piece of the puzzle." You should dress down -- maybe wear what you wear when you're throwing to those high school kids in Mississippi. That's right, the sweaty golf cap and cargo shorts. That way fans will think you're just like them, even though they can't make their mortgage payments and you could buy Kuwait.

"We'd like you to say that this isn't about getting revenge on the Packers -- I know, Mr. Favre, but sometimes in this job we have to twist the truth until it looks like a salted pretzel. We would like you to mention your family. Maybe say that your daughter really wanted you to come back and win another Super Bowl. If you can throw in some tears -- yours, hers, whatever -- that would give the TV people a sound bite they'll play forever.

"And remember the story we agreed on two years ago: You really couldn't decide whether you wanted to play or not, and you kept working out and throwing at Oak Grove High because you just love working with kids. The TV people will eat that up, too.

"So remember your checklist: Sweaty ball cap, cargo shorts, beard, daughter, my first name is Brad, not about revenge, you're a team player. Most important, remember, I just called you the other day to see if I could change your mind, and you just so happened to be waiting by the tractor phone, ready to roll.

"I know, I know, it's really far-fetched, but you have to understand Minnesota. These people will believe just about anything. I mean, when I was hired, these fans thought I was a passing guru.

"You don't have to laugh that hard.

"Oh, and one more thing, Mr. Favre. Please, please, please, during the press conference, don't call me 'Chili.' People might get the wrong impression."


The Pack Will Be Back.
RedSoxExcel
16 years ago
Someone took the time to write this? Seriously?
blank
Fan Shout
Zero2Cool (1h) : LaFleur texts "bleep me I cannot sit down"
Zero2Cool (1h) : YouTube has had me last hour or two lol
Mucky Tundra (2h) : Ugh this trade happened right as my shift started and it's killing me
Zero2Cool (2h) : Parsons wore 23 in high school.
Zero2Cool (2h) : Packers just cost Lions more money with Hutchinson too huh
Zero2Cool (3h) : That is fair by me.
buckeyepackfan (3h) : Kenny Clark is the player, 2 1st rnd picks
Zero2Cool (3h) : umm... what?
wpr (3h) : I am stunned
Mucky Tundra (3h) : RICKEY SCOOPS WAS RIGHT AGAIN!!!
Mucky Tundra (3h) : ITS HAPPENING
buckeyepackfan (3h) : DEAL IS DONE
buckeyepackfan (3h) : MICAH IS COMING TO GREEN BAY!!!!!!!!!
wpr (10h) : Me do-ed it gooderly,
Zero2Cool (28-Aug) : Bahah, I was like WTF why isn't anyone posting on PP.com ... oops no one has permissions
dfosterf (27-Aug) : tell her I reckon
dfosterf (27-Aug) : Micah Robinson cut. Probable PS player tomorrow. Has to call mom back and t
Zero2Cool (27-Aug) : New site so much better. Might make switch and deal with it.
dfosterf (27-Aug) : Mecole Hardman to our practice squad
dfosterf (27-Aug) : Nick Nieman from Texans our 5th linebacker. Special teams signing
TheKanataThrilla (27-Aug) : Looks like we signed Clayton Tune as QB3
wpr (27-Aug) : TKT people lose their minds over QB3. Point is almost none of them are ready that's why they are on the PS and other teams don't take them.
TheKanataThrilla (27-Aug) : Unfortunately he doesn't seem ready to be an emergency QB.
TheKanataThrilla (27-Aug) : As a Canadian and a follower of Canadian University football. I am rooting for him
dfosterf (27-Aug) : I bet a lot of us will follow the Taylor Elgersma journey with interest. Personally, got a Kurt Warner vibe goin' on. I like him
TheKanataThrilla (27-Aug) : Not sure if either will be claimed though.
TheKanataThrilla (27-Aug) : Tune or Hooker would make sense
dfosterf (27-Aug) : Clayton Tune cut by the Cards? Don't know if that's the guy, we shall see
TheKanataThrilla (27-Aug) : Per Bill Huber, the Packers will not be bringing back Taylor Elgersma or Sean Clifford on the practice squad, so a new third quarterback
Mucky Tundra (27-Aug) : Schefter must have deleted his tweet
dfosterf (27-Aug) : Hopefully Jerry reaches under the seat cushions and ashtrays of his jet and scrapes up the 45 million apr and spares us further nonsense
dfosterf (27-Aug) : Have to admit the PO'd Cowboy fan videos would be fun to watch. Problem with draft picks is half their fanbase barely knows what that is
beast (27-Aug) : I think Cowboys fans are ready to get their pitch forks and burning sticks if Jerry were to trade Micah
dfosterf (27-Aug) : If Jerry traded Micah to GB, here in northern Va. they would have to quick build yet another data center to handle the internet hate traffic
Zero2Cool (27-Aug) : its signing and trades that you don't hear about, other then announced
Zero2Cool (27-Aug) : If you hear rumors about Packers sign or trade, won't happen. Not how they work
dfosterf (27-Aug) : 19 players in a contract year. Jones called loss to us worst loss in Cowboy history. Forget Parsons trade. Not happenin' Cap'n
packerfanoutwest (27-Aug) : The Packers, meanwhile, are the youngest team in the league for the third consecutive year.
dfosterf (27-Aug) : That it was darkest before the dawn in Bengals and Commanders before they got deals done
Zero2Cool (27-Aug) : what is Schefter saying?
dfosterf (27-Aug) : He was getting Dorito infusion therapy
dfosterf (27-Aug) : He's outta shape. Why, just the other day I saw him splayed out on the trainers table
Mucky Tundra (27-Aug) : Parsons has followed Rasheed Walker on Twitter. Quite the choice
Mucky Tundra (27-Aug) : Kuhn is a former player who works for the team, if somethings going down, he would be close to it
Mucky Tundra (27-Aug) : @kuhnj30 Micah Freaking Parsons
Mucky Tundra (27-Aug) : A LOT of buzz on the Bird App regarding Parsons; even Schefter is saying it's serious
dfosterf (26-Aug) : *Orzech*
dfosterf (26-Aug) : Orzich long snapper 3 yr extension
Zero2Cool (26-Aug) : Packers signed someone for three year deal
Zero2Cool (26-Aug) : lol i know it's insane ... sign up for the waiver wire then you'll know
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