wils0646
15 years ago
http://www.startribune.com/sports/vikings/53749062.html?elr=KArksi8cyaiU9PmP:QiUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aULPQL7PQLanchO7DiUr 

It's Monday afternoon in Hattiesburg, Miss. A phone rings by what the Favre family likes to call the "cement pond." A manservant wearing a tuxedo T-shirt forwards the call to Brett Favre's gold-plated tractor phone.

Favre hears a gravelly voice say:

"Mr. Favre? May I call you Mr. Favre? It's Brad. Bald guy, trying to grow a beard just like yours? Mr. Favre, I've been calling you every day for two years, you should remember me by now. Yeah, it's 'Chili.' My first name is Brad.

"Anyway, Mr. Favre, I think our two-year plan has worked perfectly. Now it's time to make our move.

"We found a way for you to avoid going to training camp and sleeping in those cramped dorm rooms and practicing twice a day in that brutal Mankato heat. I know, living in Mississippi, you wouldn't be able to withstand that heat. And I know, after you built your own Presidential Suite near the Jets' locker room last year, that you didn't want to be put in a situation where you might have to meet your teammates.

"Now training camp is done, and you can finally move into that house you bought up here. Brilliant idea, buying Prince's place in Chanhassen. Who's going to notice another reclusive celebrity wearing purple in that neighborhood? Mr. Favre, I also liked your smoke screen, sending relatives up here to buy houses and condos all over town, just to throw people off. Brilliant. I could learn a lot from you. When I want to confuse somebody, I just talk in circles until their eyes glaze over.

"Yes, Mr. Favre, I know you're busy mowing the back 40, and I know the 'My Name is Earl' marathon is about to begin. I'll get to the point. It's time to bring you in. Anybody who didn't like the idea of signing you has had a few weeks to watch Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels. They have to be on board with this now. All we have to do is concoct the right story, so it won't look like we've been planning for this day ever since you left the Packers, even though we've been planning for this day ever since you left the Packers.

"Thank goodness you were such a pain in the butt in New York that the Jets traded up to get Mark Sanchez and then cut you loose. You played that just right.

"I also like your idea about having arm surgery so you wouldn't have to come to training camp. Wait, you're going to tell them what? That you still have a tear in your rotator cuff? Isn't that going overboard? OK, OK, you're the boss. Man, sounds like you want to win an Oscar as much as you want to win a Super Bowl.

"So we'll send Zygi Wilf's plane for you in the morning. Z-y-g-i. The one who looks like Groucho Marx. Yeah, that's the owner. No, don't worry, you won't have to talk to him, either. We'll just make him stand in the back at the press conference.

"We'll fly you up here in the morning, conduct our 'physical' -- don't worry, we have a stunt double they can examine if you're not up for it -- and then we'll hand you the blank check and get you on the practice field.

"Yes, the practice field. Please? Pretty please? Listen, I'm going to have a hard enough time with my veterans after letting you skip training camp. You've got to go out there and throw a few passes, just so I can pretend I'm still calling the shots. Thank you, Mr. Favre, I appreciate it.

"Listen, Mr. Favre, you're going to have to be sensitive to my predicament. I always tell the players that training camp is important, that details are important, that learning the playbook is important, that cohesiveness and protecting the ball and making smart decisions are all important. You're going to have to at least to pretend to care about all that, even if we both know you're going to be drawing up your own plays in the huddle and throwing into triple coverage whenever you darn well please.

"Also, we're going to have to do one of those awkward press conference things Tuesday. I'll get up there and act like you're just another guy -- I know, I'll call you a "piece of the puzzle." You should dress down -- maybe wear what you wear when you're throwing to those high school kids in Mississippi. That's right, the sweaty golf cap and cargo shorts. That way fans will think you're just like them, even though they can't make their mortgage payments and you could buy Kuwait.

"We'd like you to say that this isn't about getting revenge on the Packers -- I know, Mr. Favre, but sometimes in this job we have to twist the truth until it looks like a salted pretzel. We would like you to mention your family. Maybe say that your daughter really wanted you to come back and win another Super Bowl. If you can throw in some tears -- yours, hers, whatever -- that would give the TV people a sound bite they'll play forever.

"And remember the story we agreed on two years ago: You really couldn't decide whether you wanted to play or not, and you kept working out and throwing at Oak Grove High because you just love working with kids. The TV people will eat that up, too.

"So remember your checklist: Sweaty ball cap, cargo shorts, beard, daughter, my first name is Brad, not about revenge, you're a team player. Most important, remember, I just called you the other day to see if I could change your mind, and you just so happened to be waiting by the tractor phone, ready to roll.

"I know, I know, it's really far-fetched, but you have to understand Minnesota. These people will believe just about anything. I mean, when I was hired, these fans thought I was a passing guru.

"You don't have to laugh that hard.

"Oh, and one more thing, Mr. Favre. Please, please, please, during the press conference, don't call me 'Chili.' People might get the wrong impression."


The Pack Will Be Back.
RedSoxExcel
15 years ago
Someone took the time to write this? Seriously?
blank
Fan Shout
Zero2Cool (11m) : Van Ness played most of season with broken thumb
wpr (17h) : yay
Zero2Cool (19h) : Mark Murphy says Steelers likely to protect Packers game. Meaning, no Ireland
Zero2Cool (22h) : Struggling to figure out what text editor options are needed and which are 'nice to have'
Mucky Tundra (23h) : *CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP*
Zero2Cool (2-Apr) : WR who said he'd break Xavier Worthy 40 time...and ran slower than you
Mucky Tundra (2-Apr) : Who?
Zero2Cool (2-Apr) : Texas’ WR Isaiah Bond is scheduled to visit the Bills, Browns, Chiefs, Falcons, Packers and Titans starting next week.
Zero2Cool (2-Apr) : Spotting ball isn't changing, only measuring distance is, Which wasn't the issue.
Zero2Cool (2-Apr) : The spotting of the ball IS the issue. Not the chain gang.
Mucky Tundra (2-Apr) : Will there be a tracker on the ball or something?
Zero2Cool (1-Apr) : uh oh
Martha Careful (1-Apr) : Too bad camera's can't spot the ball as well.
Mucky Tundra (1-Apr) : So will the chain gang be gone completely or will they still be around as a backup or whatever?
Zero2Cool (1-Apr) : The method for measuring first downs in the NFL will switch from chain gangs to camera-based technology in 2025, the league announced.
Martha Careful (1-Apr) : A big step in the right direction. Just put in the college system is very very good.
Zero2Cool (1-Apr) : NFL has passed a rule that allows both teams to possess the ball in OT during the regular season
Zero2Cool (1-Apr) : Touchbacks on kickoffs will now bring the ball to the 35-yard line.
beast (31-Mar) : It might of gotten more popular recently, but braiding hair (even men) in certain cultures goes back for centuries.
Martha Careful (30-Mar) : Is men braiding their hair a new style thing? Watching the NCAA men's tournament many players have done
Zero2Cool (29-Mar) : Ha. Well, it'd be nice for folks to reset their own password. Via validated email 😏
beast (29-Mar) : Monopoly was supposed to be an educational game, that show how evil capitalism was and how we should avoid it
beast (29-Mar) : Lol, I was thinking username would be better, as then I wouldn't have to keep an email up to date lol 😂
beast (29-Mar) : Zero2Cool (25-Mar) : I was thinking email because I think it'll make folks keep it up todate lol
wpr (29-Mar) : sure is
Zero2Cool (29-Mar) : Monopoly is a rip off of The Landlord's Game
wpr (27-Mar) : 28 days until the draft
earthquake (27-Mar) : Which seemed strange to my 9 year old self, that you could be a fan for a team other than the one you play for
earthquake (27-Mar) : Nothing eventful happened, other than it being clear that he was a bengals fan
earthquake (27-Mar) : And we went and hung out with him one afternoon, I must have been 9 or so
earthquake (27-Mar) : That’s wild, when I was a kid my friend lived in the same apartment complex in De Pere
Mucky Tundra (27-Mar) : Only career highspot was a 200 yard rushing game while playing for the Cardinals
Mucky Tundra (27-Mar) : He is a former Packer. Drafted out of Northern Illinois. Didn't do much in GB.
dfosterf (26-Mar) : Despicable
Zero2Cool (26-Mar) : Former NFL. I think Packers too
Zero2Cool (26-Mar) : NFL RB Leshon Johnson has been charged in a massive dog fighting operation, with the FBI seizing over 190 Pit Bulls
Mucky Tundra (26-Mar) : Some real irony of a QB as short as Wilson playing for the Giants
Mucky Tundra (26-Mar) : Giants country, let's be the tall beings of lore!
Mucky Tundra (26-Mar) : Russell Wilson signs with the Giants.
Zero2Cool (25-Mar) : I was thinking email because I think it'll make folks keep it up todate lol
wpr (25-Mar) : I don't think there is a significant difference. I use a user name for many. Others email.
Martha Careful (25-Mar) : email
Zero2Cool (25-Mar) : would it be better to use EMAIL or USERNAME to log into a site?
wpr (25-Mar) : Thanks Zero
Zero2Cool (24-Mar) : New forum has the ability to Thank a post now.
beast (24-Mar) : And the only time they have won the Championship in an even year, was the first time they did, in 2006.
beast (24-Mar) : Since 2007, there have been 10 odd numbered years, Wisconsin Women have won the Championship in 7 of those 10 odd numbered years.
buckeyepackfan (24-Mar) : Congratulations Lady Badger Hockey Team. NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!!
Zero2Cool (23-Mar) : I don't think it's completed yet. it was just announced last month, right?
dhazer (23-Mar) : did netflix ever release the Packers documentary
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