It has been an extremely long week already. I can't believe this is only Tuesday.

Sunday night at 10:45 I got a call from my Mom. She is usually in bed by then so it concerned me a little.

She told me that she thought she jammed her middle finger on her right hand. Her hand hurt and so did her whole arm. If it had been my son I would have told him if he jammed his finger to pull the it out and tape it to another one. You can't do that with an 80 year old especially your mother. I got dressed and hustled over to her place. No speed laws disobeyed by me. 🤥

I told my dr who is the cardiologist what had happened and that when I went through the front door the security system would notify him that the door had opened after hours. He misunderstood me and preceded to tell me how to enter the code to cancel the alarm going off. 🙄 Wasted effort on his part as we get a text that the door opens even if you enter the code.

I called to Mom's caregiver to wake up. Mom didn't bother to tell her she was in pain. That is often normal for a dementia patient. Get a a hold of your family not a 'stranger". I thought about letting her sleep but I needed to get into the medicine box and get info on mom's pain meds and when she last took them. (Can you imagine how much trouble both the caregiver would be in if she woke up and didn't know where Mom was? And I would be in for not telling her? At this point in time I was thinking it was only go to be a 1 hour trip to the ER and then back home.

The I looked at Mom's hand. It was curled up and she couldn't move it. I texted my br and told him that I wondered if she had a stroke. I didn't see any other signs/symptoms. He said he didn't think so. At first he was wanting to wait until morning to take Mom to the hospital. I told him she was in too much pain and wouldn't sleep. He agreed she needed to go.

When we got to the hospital they started stroke protocols including a CT scan. No use in her right arm at all. Couldn't lift it or hold it up if they let go. One RN said her mouth was turned down in one corner and one of her eyebrows drooped. I didn't see it but what do I know?

They couldn't do much for her and wanted to transfer her to a larger facility. There was the promise that a neurologist would be looking at Mom. I told them it was fine.

First the Hospitalist had to talk to the larger facility's Hospitalist. That took a while. Then we had to wait for someone to tell us they had a room. That was more than a hour. Then we had to wait for the ambulance to get there. I couldn't understand the delay. There was an ambulance about 3 blocks from the hospital where we were at. They couldn't use them. We had to wait for the service from the larger facility to drive the 30+ minutes and get to us. Heaven forbid we get Mom to the better facility 30 minutes sooner while she is having a perceived stroke.

In the mean while Mom is in pain the whole time. Her meds? One aspirin.

Mom's disorientation grows more pronounced int eh evenings. The pain only made it more so. I had to answer her questions about 50- 60 times over the 3 + hours that she was int he ER. Why is she her? How did she get there? Do I have a key to her house? How was the caregiver going to get back to her car? Did she get her things out of the house when we left? Most importantly why did her hand her so bad? That I had to answer the questions repeatedly didn't bother me. That she was still in pain and we weren't making any progress to resolving the issue was irritating

We get to the larger hospital around 3 am. They take her straight to a room instead of one of the ER exam rooms. That was nice. A bunch of RNs swoop in and do the same stuff that the smaller facility did. I understand they need to do this much it once again added to Mom's disorientation. Once again nothing was done for her pain. Not even a second aspirin. Over this 4 + hour time period there was a little improvement in her hand and arm function but it was still unusable.

They asked Mom questions that she would get wrong and I would have to correct.
Did she fall? No. Yes this pat July. She injured the same shoulder that is now so weak. She had had a lot of trouble using the arm for the past 6 months.
Was she allergic to anything? A partial answer would be augmented by me.
Had she ever had any surgeries. Once again I had to correct.
I pointed out a few times that Mom's answers would not be correct or complete.
These are the same question we were asked at the last hospital. In this day and age why can't we have a central data bank with all this info already in there? The medical people can access it and see when all the surgeries took place. Don't count on a memory impaired individual to know the answers. At one point they even had me leave the room because they had to ask her some personal questions. Maybe they do but will she give them the correct answer? I don't know.

We waited. Mom asked the same questions about 200 more times. Mainly that her hand still hurt and how did she get there. I reminded her that she made a date with one of the strong young men who drove the ambulance. She would smile.

Finally after 5 am the doctor showed up. After a minimal exam and asking Mom questions that would elicit some wrong answers she proceeded to tell me that the neurologist would be coming in and checking on her in a few hours. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THIS WAS ANOTHER DAMN HOSPITALIST! I guess you can't get the specialist out of bed and have her take a look at a potential stroke victim in it is between 6 pm and 9 am. What the hell was my brother doing at his hospital all night long? Playing cards? Maybe cardiologist have to be on call and deal with sick people but not neurologists. Run an MRI in the middle of the night? No way. They might have to pay someone to run two different teams. We went to this hospital because they were suppose to be the best one in the region.

All along I told the medical staff that my brother, THE CARDIOLOGIST, needs to speak to the neurologist after she exams Mom. I noticed about 3 years earlier this got Mom extra attention and shorted her wait for medical care. It didn't help this time.

Well I got things wrapped up with Mom and left somewhere near 6 am. Home after 7. People kept calling me for info so I didn't get 4 hours of sleep. My sister was on vacation with her family in "Rat World" FL. I mean Disney World. She kept saying she wanted to come home and go to the hospital. I kept telling her that she needed to stay with her family. That she couldn't do anything to improve Mom's situation. Turns out that she pulled a child out of the pool that was in the throws of drowning. I don't know if it was one of her grandkids or another child.

One of the questions I was asked when her were registering Mom was who is the POA. I told them I was. Does she have a Living Will and a Do Not Resuscitate request? "Yes". I have known about this for close to 10 years. This is the first time it hit me I might have to make THE CALL one day. It wasn't going to be this time but at some point I will. This time it was easy. If things went horribly wrong I would still want them to keep Mom on life support no matter what Mom's will says. Get everyone back here to say their goodbyes. After being up for over 24 hours it almost made me sick to think about it.

Speaking of being sick, I wasn't very happy that one of Mom's nurses had the flu and threw up in the hall. She had been sick all day and was trying to get through the shift. She was wearing a mask so the risk of transmitting her germs was minimized. Yeah that is what they said about Ebola too. At 80 years of age most people's immune system is a lot weaker and more susceptible.

So yesterday afternoon the neurologist finally got around to talking to my br. Seems that it is a pinched nerve in her neck that is causing her arm to loose it's function. More tests another CT scan and then rehab. Maybe.

I went ahead and went into Chicago last night to see my kids and celebrate my son's BDay. I got home around midnight so I am still tired today.

All in all things could be a whole lot worse.

I don't know if they ever gave her anything for the pain in her hand. I just didn't think to complain about it and make them medicate her.

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First, thanks for the post, wADEpr and second, that is excellent you got to spend the time with your kids. Get some sleep!

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Wow I just looked at how long that sucker is. I hope it is coherent.

I am Wade in training. Maybe it is my fatigue running a muck.
can't get sleep. My secretary is on baby call. (Just an exam today.) Then I have to get back to see Mom and find out what is happening next.

If they do the least likely scenario and release her home I have to get someone to stay with her or do so myself.

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Sorry to hear you are going through that crap with the hospitalists, Wayne.

I definitely can identify, as I'm in the same position with my dementia-ed Mom. POA, get to make call about "do not revive," etc.

Got a call Thursday night from nursing home. Her primary provider is on vacation until after Christmas, so had to deal with the hospitalists. When I finally got let into the ER, it was scary: she was just lying on the bed, eyes closed and unresponsive.

After CT scan, blood and urine work, turned out her sodium and potassium were out-of-whack, first way up and second down a bit. Got IVs going and slowly improved over course of next 3 1/2 days. She "pulled the IV out" sometime Saturday and, "since her electrolytes back in range want them" they not only didn't put an IV back in, but disconnected her from the heart monitors.

Brought her back to nursing home yesterday morning, even though she was (with help) still only eating a little bit of soft foods. Thought about putting up a stink about that, but based on quality of care at hospital, I decided that she'd be in much better hands at the nursing home even if it does mean she's probably 15-20 minutes away from an emergency room at ambulance speed.

I generally think more highly of nurses than of MDs, but frankly the quality of the nurses at the hospital (with a couple exceptions) was substantially inferior to what I've gotten used to at the nursing home. And since all the hospitalists seemed to agree that Medicare etc wouldn't cover "urgent care" but only "skilled care" if there were no IVs ordered, since the doctor wasn't about to order another IV, and since the hospitalist nurses weren't about to check often enough for my taste unless I stayed at the hospital 24-7, I went along with move back.

So far so good, but I'm pretty sure that this will be Mom's last Christmas.

All my best, Wayne, and yes, your attempt at Wade-ish speech was more coherent than mine are. 🙂

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Uhm, first of all, you don't know what tired is. [grin1] Do that for a year straight, and then we'll talk. I know, I'm a dick, can't help myself.

And second, you're not even close to being like Wade.

Sorry your mother isn't doing well. Happy Holidays anyway.

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Wayne, first of all, my prayers will go out for you and your Mom.
I do understand the frustration you are feeling. Most doctors arn't like the ones when we were young. They don't seem to care.
When you do get one, it's rare.
My heart goes out to you, my dear friend!

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Thanks for the update Wade. I was thinking about you and wondering how your momma was doing. Sorry to hear she is winding down. It is tough not matter what, she will always be Mom.

Today I got a call to pick her up and had to run out of the office to get there. When I go there the RN came in and told us she was going to give Mom a flu shot. I was trying to decide if this was something that had been discussed in my absence when my Mom looked at me and said she already had a flu shot this year which I knew I was wondering if this was a different strain/version.

I told the RN that Mom had a flu shot. She asked when. I told her it was within the last couple of months. She said it wasn't in their records. I didn't realize that they were tied into Mom's dr office's records. Apparently they are not.

Instead of assuming why not ask ME. (Can't trust Mom's answers) Why not verify if there would b an issue with the shot first.

Finally she gave Mom a pain med that Mom reacted very poorly. I almost got her back to her home when I had to pull over and let her throw up. She didn't give Mom the med prescribed because it was taking the hospital pharmacy too long to get the pill so she gave Mom something else. I learned later from my sister that it is the same med that Mom refused earlier this year.

Looks like I have to be much more Dakota like when dealing with health care people because they don't do what is best for the patient. They do what is expedient for themselves.

Edit- Thanks Alan. Except for my brother you are probably right. [grin1]

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Wayne, did I tell you about Mia's double thryoidectomy? I could have choked a couple smart doctors that day. It's a good thing I have the patience of Job and the anger management skills of Jesus. LOL I do not like doctors who think they know better than everybody else and do not consider the opinions of the family.

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Yes Troy you did. At least I was reading about it on Caring Bridge and/or your FB account. (I think you are probably a little more subdued on Caring Bridge so it was probably FB.) I thought about your incident as I was working on this thread and ranting on healthcare professionals. I actually think about Mia and her trials and perseverance a lot.

My sister and brothers have a community email that we send back and forth to each other trying to keep all up to date on Mom, our conversations with the medical field and the like. One time I ranted on the need for Drs requiring a follow up with Mom before they will recommend a specialist. The requirement of a specialist to have a recommendation before they will see her. (I left out the need for health insurance companies to have the recommendation prior to approving a specialist visit.) My dr brother took it personally and was really hurt when it wasn't directed at him at all.) This was a few months after Mom fell and hurt her shoulder. She was in a lot of pain and I was simply saying that it takes a couple of weeks to see the primary care physician. Then a couple of more weeks, if you are lucky, to get into the specialist. In the mean time the pain continuous on.

Wade is probably more articulate but dementia patients including Alzheimer's run in plateaus. They are at a certain level for a period of time then drop to a lower level. Often it is not tried to a specific event but intense pain or prolonged fatigue can drop them not just one level but several. They never improve and go back to where they were. Naturally I am trying to keep Mom from intense pain or stress.

I was also thinking about how much more difficult it is for you and Julie to face what you have to face with your young daughter vs what I deal with with my mother. It is not even close to the same thing.

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I think with parents, and watching them deteriorate with their minds and bodies, a person starts questioning their own mortality. We know that some day we might go through the same thing and that scares us.

When our children are sick it is a way different emotion as you stand there helpless while the doctors poke and prod your child. When you feel they are incompetent or are making mistakes, a type of anger or disgust takes over.

In either case, a person's emotions are tested. The key is to keep your dignity and not let your emotions get to you. Get an outlet like a dumbass from Texas to take out your emotions. He has to serve some kind of purpose. [grin1]

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