macbob
  • macbob
  • Veteran Member Topic Starter
13 years ago
The Packer's fan quote below almost made me snort soda out my nose...

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/nation-wants-some-fucking-football-doesnt-give-shi,21026/?utm_source=recentnews 

WASHINGTON—Following the announcement Monday that NFL owners and players had reached a deal to end their 132-day labor dispute, Americans across the nation expressed their desire for some goddamn football already and acknowledged they didn’t give two shits about the boring-ass details of the collective bargaining agreement.

The majority of the U.S. populace confirmed that nobody even cares about the stupid structure, length, or impact of the new CBA, calling for sports columnists, analysts, and broadcasters to “shut the hell up about lame revenue-sharing shit” and demanding the NFL play some football “right fucking now.”

At press time, Americans wondered why the hell no footballs had been snapped yet.

“Yes, great, I’m thrilled the NFL won’t have to cancel any of the 2011 season, but I don’t want to hear anything else about numbers or caps or any of that new money rules shit,” said 42-year-old Rick Baldwin, a contractor in St. Louis. “Just go, dammit. Go out on the field and play a fucking game.”

According to U.S. residents, they would much rather watch receivers catch deep passes, running backs dive into a pile of defenders and fight for first downs, defensive ends blindside a quarterback, or even a kicker attempt an extra point instead of learning about special clauses in the CBA or other lawyery-sounding bullshit that no one gives a rat’s ass about.

Most Americans also added that footage of players stretching on the ground or performing drills or Rex Ryan saying dumb shit again was far preferable to “a bunch of boring as hell” descriptions of the NFL revenue split.

“Just put football on my television,” Cincinnati resident Steve Grall said. “That’s all I want.”

A CBS/New York Times poll conducted this week found that 45 percent of Americans refuse to wait another goddamn second for football; 30 percent would quit their jobs to watch a scrimmage between two teams, even if they were the Redskins and the Panthers; and 60 percent would rather watch a half-assed three-and-out drive by the Buffalo Bills’ pathetic offense than listen to some dipshit minutiae about the rookie wage scale.

Other respondents ignored all of the survey questions by clapping their hands and loudly shouting “Let’s go D” after the pollster said the word “football.”

“I guess free agency is kind of interesting,” Phoenix native Kyle Robinson said. “But it’s just not the same as huge dudes pounding each other in the trenches and balls getting knocked loose and stuff. That fucking rules.”

Jerry Schultz, 57, a mill worker from Green Bay, WI, told reporters to “either ask [him] about the Packers defense or shut [their] fucking mouths” when questioned about new player safety rules that were included in the CBA.

“I don't even want to know about any of that goddamn crap,” Schultz said. “Unless there is something in there about about allowing linebackers to rip Jay Cutler’s head clean fucking off and spike it in the end zone, I don’t give a shit.

Added Shultz: “Football. Now.”

Upon hearing the news that NFL players were recertifying their union, one San Francisco resident said he was “really tired of all this garbage” and wanted football to start this fucking instant.

“I haven’t been paying attention to any of this CBA shit, and I don’t want to know what’s going on with it,” said Bay Area professional athlete Vernon Davis, adding that “all those bastards are just plain greedy.” “All I care about is catching touchdowns and providing for my family.”

OSPN wrote:

Formo
13 years ago
The one time the Onion was spot on.
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Thanks to TheViking88 for the sig!!
Fan Shout
Mucky Tundra (2h) : @jalenreagors They’re discussing if Sheduer can go back to college on NFL Network LMFAOOOOO
beast (4h) : Great point Martha
beast (4h) : Buddy Ryan used to say if a candy bar goes missing, there are two to blame, Rex and Rob 🤪 jk 😁
Martha Careful (6h) : Bum Phillips used to say there are two ways to get better. Get better players or get players to play better. We have a new DL coach
Zero2Cool (7h) : Yes. Look at the losses last year. They can win.
beast (7h) : Can Packers win with their current DL?
bboystyle (8h) : waiting for a pass rusher.
dfosterf (11h) : 5 minutes between picks in the 3rd
dfosterf (11h) : 3rd. Hate this phone
dfosterf (11h) : 4rd
dfosterf (11h) : 5 minutes in the 4
dfosterf (11h) : 7 minutes between picks in the 2nd round
Martha Careful (11h) : Sorry to bitch, but the headline writers in that section absolutely mislead, or don't know how to read. It is maddening
Martha Careful (11h) : No thanks. Not a dependable guy to be in the right place and run the right route. Dumb as a box of rocks.
Zero2Cool (12h) : Losing 2nd round pick for a one year rental, not ideal. Especially a headcase.
TheKanataThrilla (12h) : Pickens for Jaire may be interesting. Definitely not sure we want Pickens long term.
dfosterf (13h) : No.Absolutely not
Zero2Cool (13h) : NO NO NO NO NO NO!!1 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
dhazer (13h) : scenario: Our main prospects are off the board when our pick comes around, do we just throw a 2nd round pick at Pittsburgh for Pickens
TheKanataThrilla (13h) : Hopefully she had some comfort that her son will be live his dream when she passed away. Sad news.
Mucky Tundra (14h) : Damn that sucks
Zero2Cool (14h) : News about Derrick Harmon mom, saddening.
Zero2Cool (15h) : Mark Murphy: "I predict we will trade up once and down twice."
beast (17h) : Rip the Packers and getting the fans yelling and booing him
beast (17h) : Super competitive Bears fan and WWE "superstar" wrestler, Seth Rollins is supposed to announce a Bears pick and absolutely rip Packers
packerfanoutwest (25-Apr) : Golden
beast (25-Apr) : I want DT Derrick Harmon, Oregon
Mucky Tundra (25-Apr) : And I can't be looking at my phone
Mucky Tundra (25-Apr) : Hey I'm at work lol
Zero2Cool (24-Apr) : btw, new site chat won't delete auto like
Zero2Cool (24-Apr) : because everyone left like wimps
TheKanataThrilla (24-Apr) : I am wondering if there is some type of autoclear when there isn't activity after a certain amount of time.
Mucky Tundra (24-Apr) : What happened in the chat? Me and Zero posted a few things earlier and they're all gone
dfosterf (24-Apr) : 10-15 min bs plus flyover
dfosterf (24-Apr) : Yes
Zero2Cool (24-Apr) : 7pm is when this kicks off????
buckeyepackfan (24-Apr) : I told him. IT'S VONTE MACK , no matter what!
buckeyepackfan (24-Apr) : He asked me who I thought The Browns were taking.
buckeyepackfan (24-Apr) : 2. Would of had to wear Browns gear all week. NOPE I'll watch from my living room.
buckeyepackfan (24-Apr) : He wanted to know if I would go. 2 things, would have had to fly from Detroit to Green Bay. Nope
buckeyepackfan (24-Apr) : All expense paid trip to the draft. He will be in the Browns section. I told him to say hi to J-10VE for me 😃😃i
buckeyepackfan (24-Apr) : For a call from my nephew, he won an sllexp
TheKanataThrilla (24-Apr) : Hope to see everyone in the Chat tonight!!! Go Pack Go!!!
TheKanataThrilla (24-Apr) : Jeanty would be a great pick-up for the Bears. I see Warren mocked to them as well who I think would be a great selection.
Zero2Cool (24-Apr) : GameDay Chat is open. Posting bits an tids in there.
Zero2Cool (24-Apr) : Excellent Source: The Bears have a deal in place to move up to 5 if Jeanty is there.
Zero2Cool (24-Apr) : Probably not until 10pm will be making pick
dfosterf (24-Apr) : But it is still not tonight. Lol
wpr (24-Apr) : Today is finally here.
dfosterf (24-Apr) : I should have put it in quotes
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