Nonstopdrivel
14 years ago

Page last updated at 10:18 GMT, Monday, 18 August 2003 11:18 UK

Doctor slang is a dying art
 

The inventive language created by doctors the world over to insult their patients - or each other - is in danger of becoming extinct.

[img_r]http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39413000/jpg/_39413907_203surgeons_vague300.jpg[/img_r]So says a doctor who has spent four years charting more than 200 colourful examples.

Medicine is a profession already overflowing with acronyms and technical terms, and doctors over the years have invented plenty of their own.

However, Dr Adam Fox, who works at St Mary's Hospital in London as a specialist registrar in its child allergy unit, says that far fewer doctors now annotate notes with abbreviations designed to spell out the unsayable truth about their patients.

The increasing rate of litigation means that there is a far higher chance that doctors will be asked in court to explain the exact meaning of NFN (Normal for Norfolk), FLK (Funny looking kid) or GROLIES (Guardian Reader Of Low Intelligence in Ethnic Skirt).

Dr Fox recounts the tale of one doctor who had scribbled TTFO - an expletive expression roughly translated as "Told To Go Away" - on a patient's notes.

He told BBC News Online: "This guy was asked by the judge what the acronym meant, and luckily for him he had the presence of mind to say: 'To take fluids orally'."

Quaint up North

Regional dialects abound, even in the world of the medical abbreviation.

In the north of England, the TTR (Tea Time Review) of a patient is commonplace, but not in the south.

And the number of terms for patients believed to be somewhat intellectually challenged is enormous.

[img_r]http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39414000/jpg/_39414029_203alcohol_aande300.jpg[/img_r]From LOBNH (Lights On But Nobody Home), CNS-QNS (Central Nervous System - Quantity Not Sufficient), to the delightful term "pumpkin positive", which refers to the implication that a penlight shone into the patient's mouth would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up.

Regular visitors to A&E on a Friday or Saturday night are also classified.

DBI refers to "Dirt Bag Index", and multiplies the number of tattoos with the number of missing teeth to give an estimate of the number of days since the patient last bathed.

A PFO refers to a drunken patient who sustained injury falling over, while a PGT "Got Thumped" instead.

Doctor insult

And much of the slang is directed at colleagues rather than patients.

Thus rheumatology, considered by hard-pressed juniors one of the less busy specialties, becomes "rheumaholiday", the "Freud Squad" are psychiatrists, and "Gassers" and "Slashers" are anaesthetists and general surgeons respectively.

Dr Fox is keen to point out that neither he, nor the other authors of the paper, published in the journal Ethics and Behavior, actually advocate using any of the terms.

He said: "It's a form of communication, and it needs to be recorded.

"It may not be around forever."

He said: "I do think that doctors are genuinely more respectful of their patients these days."

If that is the case, perhaps the delights of a "Whopper with Cheese", "Handbag positive" or "Coffin dodger" could be lost forever.



MEDICAL TERMS - A GLOSSARY

Digging for Worms - varicose vein surgery
Departure lounge - geriatric ward
Handbag positive - confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbag
Woolworth's Test - Anaesthetic term (if you can imagine patient shopping in Woolies, it's safe to give a general anaesthetic)
This is an international language - Dr Fox's research reveals that a PIMBA in Brazil can be translated as a "swollen-footed, drunk, run-over beggar".



TOP MEDICAL ABBREVIATIONS

CTD - Circling the Drain (A patient expected to die soon)
GLM - Good looking Mum
GPO - Good for Parts Only
TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy
UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury


UserPostedImage
Cheesey
14 years ago
I read a book a long time ago that told how doctors, when a pretty woman would come in, they would do a "breast exam" and call their doc buddies in to check them out for themselves.
Not much surprises me about doctors.
Back in 1990, when my Mom was dying, i asked the doctor "How can you deal with death every day?" (I was pretty upset of course) his "great bedside manner" reply? "Why should it bother me? It's not MY Mom!"
How's THAT for being a cold hearted SOB?
Oh....the true end of the story? Several months later, while reading through the newspaper, there was a woman listed in the death notices with his last name.......you guessed it, HIS MOM.
I was gonna go to the funeral and ask him how he felt NOW.
But i didn't.
UserPostedImage
zombieslayer
14 years ago
Good looking Mum is a MILF. Stupid doctors.
My man Donald Driver
UserPostedImage
(thanks to Pack93z for the pic)
2010 will be seen as the beginning of the new Packers dynasty. 🇹🇹 🇲🇲 🇦🇷
Nonstopdrivel
14 years ago

How's THAT for being a cold hearted SOB?

"Cheesey" wrote:



Are you seriously implying that medical professionals should grieve for every patient they lose? Do you have any clue how ineffective your heart surgeon might have been if he had been emotionally involved in your case? Thank God you don't work in the medical field. Medical professionals fix people up. They let the patients and their families do the worrying and the grieving. Which is exactly how it should be.
UserPostedImage
14 years ago
Plus they have a lot of coping mechanisms, not the least of which is humor, because they are human. Any doctor working on me can label me with any abbreviation they want.
UserPostedImage
Nonstopdrivel
14 years ago
UserPostedImage
UserPostedImage
Cheesey
14 years ago

How's THAT for being a cold hearted SOB?

"Nonstopdrivel" wrote:



Are you seriously implying that medical professionals should grieve for every patient they lose? Do you have any clue how ineffective your heart surgeon might have been if he had been emotionally involved in your case? Thank God you don't work in the medical field. Medical professionals fix people up. They let the patients and their families do the worrying and the grieving. Which is exactly how it should be.

"Cheesey" wrote:


Oh geez......are you SERIOUS????
You mean, for like 5 seconds, the guy couldn't say "I'm sorry for what you are going through". Even if it was B.S?
Isn't "bedside manner" a part of being a doctor?
To give some kind of comfort....in that situation, would be asking too much in your opinion?
I'm not asking a doctor to "grieve" for every loss. But you don't think what the guy said to me was out of line for a supposed "professional?"
Man.....i hope YOU never have something like what happened to me happen to you. It was a cold ass slap in the face, and no excuse will make me think otherwise.
UserPostedImage
zombieslayer
14 years ago

I read a book a long time ago that told how doctors, when a pretty woman would come in, they would do a "breast exam" and call their doc buddies in to check them out for themselves.

"Cheesey" wrote:



I'm thinking of opening a breast exam clinic. If the chick is hot, I'd do it myself. If she's someone I don't to exam, one of the interns will perform the exam.

Really don't care how much money we make. Gotta do a job you enjoy, right?
My man Donald Driver
UserPostedImage
(thanks to Pack93z for the pic)
2010 will be seen as the beginning of the new Packers dynasty. 🇹🇹 🇲🇲 🇦🇷
Cheesey
14 years ago
Yeah Zombie....it's a tough job, but someone has to do it!
UserPostedImage
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