Seek redemption from the evil cheese; cast aside the incubus of cheap beer and barnyard animals of loose morals.
For your children who follow you in later generations will see the calamities that have fallen on those that came before them in the land called Wisconsin.
When all is done, the hell of hells, the torment of torments, is the everlasting presence of the demon cheese.
For verily I say unto you, pursue the light, search for the true salvation that is not to be found with the Green Bay Packers.
Reach out, and I shall guide you to truth, justice, and righteous football fandom.