To say the weeks proceeding and succeeding April 30th and November 18th are troubling for me, mentally and emotionally would be an understatement the last nearly four years. It's a time when I have to accept mom is gone. I can't "trick" myself into believing she is just not answering the phone or is 1,200 miles away attributing to why I can not see her.
You never gave up on me, even when I nearly did. Finally I started to get it together; graduated college, good career, nice place to live, custody of Keiana and even started repairing my relationship with Dad like you so badly wanted ... after years of disappointment, I started to become a son you could be proud of, ... and then, you were taken from us. It's not fair ... life ... is not fair. I vision you nudging grandpa, pointing, saying "that's your grandson!". I will get knocked down, but knowing you are watching, I will always get up better than I was before. Nothing can keep me down because I have you up there watching and I can not fail you. Happy Birthday mom. You were taken far too soon ... we still need you, I ... still need you.