I did air out that I was having a lot of problems, issues, whatever ... several of you offered your ear. I do appreciate that, however, I'm an extremely private person and stubbornly independant to a fault.

Two things have been weighing on me heavily.
On Fathers Day, Rebecca's mom texted me 'can i pick her up later'. I said of course. Then asked if everything was okay. She said yes. I inquired because Rebecca said that "dusty makes mommmy cry every night by saying really mean things". I just wanted to make sure she was okay.

Long story short, she comes to get her and screamed at me on the phone for not being home 10 minutes before she arrived. I had previous plans for dinner and I kept them and still was home before the tiem she said she'd pick her up. I asked her "what can i do to help us get along, for becca's sake" She said I needed to stop being so inconsiderate and an asshole. I said "but im not the one always yelling and screaming at you, i do as you ask and im always polite" She said she was gonna call the cops. I said okay. I started to stare off and suddenly SLAM ... she hits me and scratches the back of my neck. I shouted "wow so THIS is how you solve problems, you hit people? very mature" ... I turned to walk away and she punched me in the jaw. I just kept walking, went in my house and phoned the cops. She spent a few hours in jail.

She's saying I am the one who hit her, even though I'm the one with marks, which I took a photo of as did the police. I had two nice scratches on my neck. I don't believe in hitting women and the mere thought of a man hitting a woman infuriates me.

The DA is probably going to dismiss the charges, even though she's had a battery charge on her record just in the last year.





The other is relating to the child that woman and I share. I had her every other weekend, howver with moving to colorado, that wasn't feasible so I petitioned the court for a change. I wanted Rebecca from the first weekend after school was done, to ten or so days before school started.

Her mother refused saying she'd miss out on July 4th and wouldn't have time to spend with her in the summer and take family vacations. This coming from a woman who doesn't work and lives off my child support.

So, I compromise. I say, first weekend after school is over, to the first weekend in August. I felt that would give her 3 weeks for family vacations, fun stuff, etc ... August in Wisconsin is still a pretty hot month.

She said no. She wants me to wait until after 4th of July to get her, (missing Fathers Day) and to bring her back first weekend of August. Her reasoning is Rebecca shouldn't be away from her mom for so long. I rebutted, why is it okay for her to be away from her dad 44+ weeks a year but not 8 or so from mom?

Dead locked.

We were both court ordered to pay $300 for a guardian ad litem. I paid mine, she has not. It's been past the 30 days. I talked to the court on the phone and they want me to pay the other $300 before anything can be done. I said she doesn't want me to see my daughter, doesn't have a job so what incentive does she have to come up with money? I did my end, now do yours and enforce the court order.

They also won't refund my money either. So, I'm out 300 bucks, and my daughter is not able to see her father.

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My understanding of a guardian ad litem is that they are a court-order guardian to act on the behalf and best interests of the child.

Based on the information you have provided, my suggestion is that you pay the other 300.

The court doesn't give much of a rat's ass about your perspective vs. mom's unless the court determines that your perspective is truly in the best interests of the child, and that probably will not happen until said guardian gets up in front of the judge and says so.

It sounds like the child's advocate is going to be your advocate, to me.

You would pay that in attorney fees anyway, and further it would be one more example of you going "above" the pissing contest (and a good one) between you and your child's mom. I'm sure the court will have the opportunity to hear WHY the dad paid the fee.

jmo on the information provided.

This kind of stuff shouldn't be possible. You should probably speak with a lawyer. You may have to pay for his services, but you should at least get your 300 bucks back.

It's pretty unreasonable for her to ask you to only see her for such a short time in one year. Maybe talking to a lawyer would help you there too.

As for your daughter's mother, she sounds like she has some issues right now. Unprovoked acts of violence, and then she accuses you of being the aggressor. I don't know who Dusty is, but I'm assuming he's her new boyfriend or something. You could try talking to her about if she has problem's with him. But that would probably just lead to a denial or she could get angry about you meddling in her affairs.

My post probably didn't come out that good, so I hope 93z or dfosterf or someone else will come out with a more well rounded post than this.

I just wanted you to know that I read this. And it's fucked up.

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Zero - consider pressing charges. Get a lawyer.

You would make a better parent. It's already apparent. Screw thinking about you or her mother. You have to think in the best interest of the girls, and in the best interest of the girls, you should be the guardian.

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Boy, I'm not going to piss and moan about Mrs. Dakota anymore. Zero, I'm sorry you have these problems. It sounds like to me that your ex has a lot of problems emotionally and with her new guy. As an outsider, and not knowing details, the most important thing for you to concentrate on is your relationship with your daughter. Build it, nourture it, and make that the most important aspect of this situation.

You will be going through BS until the child reaches an age in which she can choose her custody. From what you have described, she will choose you. But know this, your ex is going to make things miserable for you, but if you choose the high road and avoid being confrontational, you can turn this whole situation around. Pride, right and wrong, these things mean nothing. What does matter is the growth of your child, especially emotionally. Bringing up well adjusted children in this world is extremely difficult, and a situation like you have, almost impossible. Be strong dude, and remember, you do have a pretty good support system with the nameless, faceless crowd you created calling ourselves Packershome.

I watched my brother make numerous mistakes and he had children with two different women. I don't think violence ever entered the picture, but his stubborness with what he thought was right and wrong cost him dearly.

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I do agree about consulting an attorney, but was assuming he (Zero) wasn't going that route at this time.

If my choices are:

A) Do nothing

B) Consult an attorney

C) Pay the other 300

D) Consult an attorney AND pay the 300

E) Ask the attorney if it is in my best interests to go ahead and pay the 300 for strategic purposes in the courtroom

F) Try and get my money back some more

I'd go E, B, D, C, A then F - In that order.

(Zero is fond of my confusing posts, so I thought I'd mix it up a little--humor injection, there :thumbleft: )

oh boy kev - sorry this is happening. what a mess! for awhile there, i did nothing but bitch, moan, & complain about my ex. i kept standing up for what i thought was 'right' & it literally got me nowhere. the family court system is a complete joke thanks to some idiot women from the past who did things just like your 'ex' is doing. she's what gives the rest of us a bad name.

so at this point, ask yourself - is paying another $300 worth it in order to see my daughter? forget about the right or wrongness of the situation & remember who you're fighting for - your daughter.

my ex refuses to pay any medical/dental/vision expenses. at this point, he owes me close to $2,000 & i could have him put in jail for it but am i? nope. it's just not worth it to me. some day he'll have to live with what he's done/not done for his children. i hold my head high knowing i've done everything i can for them.

keep your eye on the prize - spending time with your daughter.

I don't have the $300 to pay. I spent my extra money that I had to send Keiana to her moms for Christmas break and for her return. That was nearly $700. Plus Christmas is coming up too.

And if I do pay that, them I'm held financially accountable for the entire process. They will not force her to pay. The county emailed me today stating they are sending me paperwork for me to justify the court order to be enforced. Kind of odd. I have to give reason for them to enforce their court order? I'm going to jump through that hoop as well.

I even offered to foot the bill for transporting Rebecca to and from for the summer for those 6 - 8 weeks. I said her mother could call at anytime, also Rebecca can use Keiana's laptop during the summer to webcam her mother. How is that not reasonable?

Rebecca's mother told me almost two years ago she kept me from Rebecca because she was afraid if I was in her life, that the guy she was dating would leave her. She said that was done and over with. She said that Rebecca needs her daddy and that I'm a great father.

Two months later, she got back with her ex and suddenly I was the worst person on the planet. She's since dumped him, then was really nice to me, then met the new guy, Dusty and suddenly back to me being the devil.

She's held a knife to my throat, she's choked me, kicked me, punched me, thrown things at me ... all while we were dating seven or so years ago. I let it slide because I knew I'd never see her again. Lo and behold, four years later I find out I have a daughter with her. So this last time she hit me, I called it in to the cops.

I never swung at her, hit her or anything. The worse thing I did was hold her while she was trying to punch me until she calmed down. She ran and told her parents that I threw against the wall.

I mention this because it shows the level of lying she's willing to commit to ... and she convinces others of it.

The worst part of all, she told me she'd turn Rebecca against me when we learned I was her biological father. She has tried. You can tell by the things Rebecca says and also she tells me "why does mommy say i dont have to like you, you're really nice and fun?" And she says these things out of the blue and nonchalantly.

Her mother has made my life a living hell for so long. I was a very happy go lucky person until I met her. I became angry with all the rage pent up to a point I told her she had to move out and now. I couldn't keep trying to make it work anymore no matter how much I wanted it fixed. It took me years to get even a fraction of my happiness back.

I just don't know what to do. It's always a fight to see Rebecca, always. And when I do, I get screamed at for every little thing. That is not an exaggeration either, I have text messages, emails and IM's to back that up. I can't help but think this is not helping Rebecca and that maybe all I should be to her is a financial provider and medical provider until she's old enough to legally ask the courts to be with me.

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how old is rebecca? is she capable of understanding any of what is happening? yikes - this really is a shit hell bunch of a mess, kev.
if you honestly believe you're doing more 'harm' to rebecca by trying to remain in contact with her, maybe try keeping it to emails & phone calls?! i don't know - i'm not psychologist but i just want to applaud you for even considering taking that step. it shows how much you love her.

Sounds like a psychopath. Press charges. Your daughter NEEDS you to be the one with custody. You don't want her to turn out like her mother.

Keep all the emails, txts, etc as evidence. Also the pics of the bruises. And GET WITNESSES if possible.

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