In my experiences with bullies, and I've had enough of them, the only solution that helped me was to stand up to them. The last time I was physically bullied (where I was legitimately scared), I was in 5th grade. Just got off the bus and just like every day was bullied. Some times it was just being pushed around. Others it was rocks and ice chunks being chucked at me. The last time this happened, I was sick of it. So I just started running as soon as my feet hit the icy pavement. I remember hearing the bullies (there was 3 of them) yelling and running after me. I heard one getting closer and closer and I just had enough.. as I was running, I pulled off my left glove, stopped, and turned around swinging. Clocked the kid in the jaw. I remember a VERY shocked face looking back at me.

The next time I saw the kid? He wanted to be my friend.

Even after we moved, a kid tried to be a bully.. I just ignored him for the longest of time. In 9th grade (if you read my member interview, you may remember that I was the smallest kid on the team then, I was pummeled every day at practice, so anything a single bully could do was FAR from scary) he was REALLY riding my ass in the hall way. I just turned around and told him if he didn't back off, he'd be sorry.. That even if he DID whoop my ass, he'd have 50 other kids from the football team ready to kick his ass. A year later, he was expelled from school for masterbaiting in the library.

I don't know the issue your boys are having Julie. And I'm not saying that them fighting back is or isn't the answer. I'm just saying, it was the answer for me.

Besides, boys will be boys.. There will be fights involved yours, I'm sure of it. I was always told by my mom, "You better not start a fight, boy.. But you better damn well end them!" Those two time periods were the major bully incidents I've had, the second one not really bothered me when compared to the first.

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That wording sounds fine, Julie. Don't be pushy, threatening etc. State what is happening, give specific instances, what you expect from the school, and what possible actions you will pursue.

Ask if they have a Anti-Bullying program in the school system. If they do, what is being taught? Who does the teaching? Can and are parents involved? If your school doesn't, suggest nicely that maybe they should think about starting one. Bullying in school is a nationwide crisis and many school districts are using programs from kindergarten through 12th grade. The superintendent and school board should have information about several programs available. Missoula uses the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program, developed by Clemson University. This is just one of hundreds that are out there.
Just by mentioning this, it could get the administration and board thinking seriously about bullying.

Good luck, and keep at it. Perserverance pays off.

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Bullies are just a big ego inside an even bigger kid, what you need to do is make him realize he isn't the hot shit he thinks he is, my little cousin got bullied every day in fourth grade, you have to scare the toughness out of the kid, usually resulting in physical contact (no not beating his ass). I was 15 at the time, and i got rid of that bully by picking him up by the back of the neck, and pushing him into the wall, so just a suggestion, physically scare his ass out of the bully type ego

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You can get expelled over shit like that? You americans are such prudes.

Unless you're talking about him being excellent at luring people into traps

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I hope you would consider the potential consequences of your sons standing up to the kid by fighting back; a "but, he did it first" excuse will not stop your kids from getting into trouble. From the sounds of it, that bully already has problems, he is not worth potentially getting your kids into trouble.

I think LT and Bob have the best suggestions: contact the child's parents and express your reluctant willingness to contact and involve other authorities if necessary.

You also mention that he has been bullying other children; if you know the names of those children then also get in contact with their parents and let them know what is going on. Encourage them to make the school aware of what is happening to their children.

If you find these efforts taking too long to produce results, perhaps in the short-term you can get more involved in school activities to keep an eye on your sons. Or, if possible doing simple things like going to pick them up after school to try and limit the time your sons can potentially run into the bully.

My little cousin was actually having bully problems not too long ago, and when he finally told his father, his father sought to get in contact with the other boy's parents and meet with them face-to-face. He remained calm - not threatening to sue, call the cops, retaliate or get revenge - rather choosing to let the parents know their son was doing these things and the extremely negative affect it had on his son (such as he, too, no longer wanted to go to school) and the worry it caused him because of how dearly he loved his son and all that he had sacrificed for him. Let the parents of the bully also know that you do not want their child to be branded a certain way and have to deal with potentially stiff consequences of his actions.

In the meantime, try to keep up the spirits of both your sons. I know this can be difficult (and I in no way mean to imply you are not already doing this). Things like cooking their favorite meals, giving them a bit more desert than normal, letting them stay up a half-hour or even an hour later, etc. can all brighten their spirits a little. Perhaps tie these things back to their school, making them seem like "rewards" for something positive they accomplished at school, or simply as a reward for telling you about how their school day went.

I hope this issue works out for you, and more importantly for your kids. No kid deserves to be put through something very tough like getting bullied.

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When I was growing up, dealing with it generally started with one parent going to the other parent, saying, "do you know what your kid is doing?"

But that was in a tiny town, where everyone knew everyone else, where approaching another parent wasn't approaching a stranger, where you already knew the person from church or the grocery store or the corner bar or just the reliable grapevine.

But if you don't already know the other parents, I'm not sure whether I'd start with a home visit, a phone call, or a letter.

Personally, I'd still prefer the in-person visit, parent to parent-- make the parent meet your eyes. It also helps you know exactly what you might be up against in a way that phones and mail don't. But on the other hand, sometimes bullies' parents are themselves thugs.

Whatever you do, Julie, my thoughts are with you. And I'm confident that you've done and will do the right things for you and your kids.

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I was bullied a bit when I was really young but then I got big before most of the other kids and had a few good revenge moments--one that got me suspended. I didn't care though, the kid obviously deserved to get the shit kicked out of him. It's funny though, both times in middle school I had a problem with a kid he would bully me first, I'd strike back and be the one that got in trouble. I had a step-sibling for 5 years and we would constantly get into it physically. However because my ex-stepfather was abusive to my mom I was forced to go to therapy while he wasn't. I'm not proud of acting out violently and I've never considered myself a violent person but when someone is giving you shit on a constant basis you can't just let them walk all over you. Normally I like to be the bigger person, ignore them and attempt to escape the situation but if they're being confrontational on a physical level there's not much else you can do but defend yourself.

One thing I learned about most bullies is that they are usually troubled by something else and are acting out because of it. Another breed of bullies are the one's alharrisdude is talking about, the one's that are usually just assholes. I can't say what you should do, I've never been a parent, but you should try and gauge the situation and the type of bully before engaging in any kind of countermeasure; sometimes the parents are bigger assholes than the kid.

I wish it was easy to yell at other people's kids when they're obviously being little pricks but you can't really do that. I'd at the very least teach your kids not to take it anymore--not to the point of fighting back but to knowing where the nearest teachers are. Teach your kids to grab the nearest authority figure and tell them what's happening. If the teacher doesn't do anything though you're in for a whole new set of problems.

I don't know your exact situation though. I don't know how out of hand this bully is. If he's acting out in an extremely violent way I would definitely talk to the police even just to get their opinions on what you should do. I'm sure there is a completely appropriate way to deal with it I just don't know what it is.

I HATE bullies.
There was one i had in high school......threw chunks of ice at me (hit me in the head and damn near knocked me out) He would get off at my bus stop, even though it wasn't his stop, just to have a few more seconds to torment me.
If i saw him today, i'd kick him in the nuts. Hard. SEVERAL times.

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This is the shit I can't stand. Bullies happen in school, it's a fact of life. But throwing ice at a kid's head? You could literally kill a kid that way. Like the kids who lit that other kid on fire in Florida this past year. The level that some bullies go to is insane and if a bully is getting near that level I would easily inform the police.