800$ 4foot Favre Bobblehead Family thinks I'm nuts

Wade...

It was already 2 AM. I had already called the wife down in Alexandria, Va. to come get my dumb ass out of the casino.

It was Harrah's. The night that Reagan got shot. I wasn't driving. My designated driver had a $200.00 bar-tab PLUS a hooker on his arm...
like I said, it was 2 A.M.---

He said that I had to pay his tab, plus what he PLANNED to drink, plus whatever the friggin' HOOKER was gonna extract... (We were both torched, but no one in my presence had recently fallen off any turnip-trucks)

It was simple. I wanted to continue to play. He would have left. I know how he rolls. I paid.

Cost me a long note. Non-refundable. Wife got there at 6 AM. I was still up big.

Fuck it. She was wife no 1, and I'm on 3 now, lol

(To you young bucks--DD had nothing to do with sobriety back then--it was all about who could get you home while they were complete toast, as compared to you... harder to explain, lol)

designated fucking driver JUDAS h PRIEST--kEVIN AND HIS WHACK ARTI INTEL....

Cheesey and Zombie,

I'm not a great cook yet. But I am good enough now that I am much more frequently disappointed when I eat out. It isn't all the price though -- I've had $75 dollar meals that out and out sucked and $15 meals that'll knock your socks off. And, by and large, I'd rather risk the $15 buck place than most places that think cloth napkins mean its okay to add $10 bucks to an entree price.

And who think that every starter should be deep fried.

But Zombie's right about that "next level" of cooking. Once or twice a year I brave cooking multiple courses for about 8 people. It takes me days of work, and I'm still scrambling to get done enough before people start arriving. (and usually, to be frank, I don't.)

I'd probably do it more often, though, if I could find fellow food crazies around here. But apart from my neighbors (who are both past 80), I haven't found anyone. In NE Iowa we don't do dinner parties. We do potlucks.

And I fucking hate potlucks.

One time I had 2 pounds of sashimi grade tuna overnighted from somewhere on the left coast (in the Pacific Thursday, on my plates Friday night). Only to find that no one I invited was willing to try "raw fish?? Yuck!"

I love tuna...but it takes a long time for one person to eat two bloody pounds of it. (And it had almost been worse; I only deleted the uni (sea urchin) from my order at the last minute.)

But back to the restaurants. I have no idea how these chefs manage to do it for 100 people every night. And, here's the kicker, I have no idea how they manage to get it done so cheaply. I know I couldn't, even if I could manage to get the food done so fine.

Because its not just food, its presentation and atmosphere and an artist's fanaticism for blending taste and color and temperature and God know's what else.

To put it another way, food at that level can be more compelling than the length of a waitress's skirt. And even more ephemeral.

$180 for a meal is, absolutely and positively, extravagant. But I know for a fact that if you add in a minimum wage for the cook's time, I expect I've cooked several meals that exceeded that in personal cost. Perhaps not on a per person basis, but I've done meals that have cost me out of pocket over $500. I can't speak for zombie, but this amateur has wasted a lot of food! And a lot of money on wasted food.

And some of those expensive experiments ...well, lets just say I've ended up going to Pizza Hut at the last minute more than once.

Like the first time I tried to do a squid and octopus dish. I misread the recipe (this was back when I cooked most of the time from recipe books) -- it called for the squid to be cut in 1/2" squares. I read it as 2" squares. And then, because after cleaning the damn thing (yes, I bought the thing whole) I was worried about what undercooked squid might do to my innards), I committed the cardinal sin when cooking squid. I left it in a few more minutes "just to make sure."

I'm betting the Marine's used boots had more taste -- and they definitely would have been easier to chew.

Basically food is the expensive adult hobby I over-indulge in.

I used to think that I'd like to open a restaurant some day, but I really wouldn't. I just like the cooking and entertaining (and the occasional showing off when something just hits a home run). It's weird, but I *like* chopping vegetables (though mangoes are a messy pain in the ass). And I love playing mad artist in the kitchen.

I think of all the people I admire most, almost all of them have been artists of one sort or another -- musicians and singers, collagists, poets, my dad the plumbing and sheet metal God, Masahiro Morimoto of Iron Chef. But I haven't got the ear to create music or the eye to paint or draw. My poems are strictly pedestrian.

So doubtless is most of my cookie -- its a hobby my job rarely gives enough time to indulge, much less the money.

But such as it is, its about as good as it gets for me. A great meal with fellow foodies, or dashing about the kitchen wondering "what the fuck? the cliantro's gone bad again. What do I do?" -- I think that's as close as I get to happy.

But it is a crazy hobby. (Aren't most of them?) No doubt about that.

Only thing I can think of as crazier -- maybe being a Viking fan. 🙂

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I'm always glad to hear someone else my age admit to the dumbfuck things he did when younger. I get so annoyed at my "colleagues" who whine constantly about the younger people's extravagances.

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Zombie and Wade,
The thing is, i'd love to try a REAL fancy meal. But with that kind of expense, it BETTER be the best thing i ever ate, or it would be a MAJOR disapointment.

My grandpa always had a family reunion around Christmas, and he did ALL the cooking. And it was GREAT! His one son from his second marriage is a chef. So i guess i "inherited" the love of cooking. I thought of trying to have a restaurant, but i think that if it was a "job" it would lose it's magic for me.
We always had thanksgiving at either my Mom's house, or my father in law's place. In 1986, we invited my mom and father and mother in law to our place for thanksgiving. I made prime rib, liver and onions (for my wife and mom in law) sweet and regular taters, a small turkey, cheese cake and i can't remember what else.
When we were done, my dad-in-law said it was the BEST T-giving meal he ever ate. And he was NOT one to compliment anyone. That's one of my favorite memories.

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Dumbest thing.............putting .25 cents in the dumbass parking meters in Eagle River WI when the parking ticket fine was only .10 cents at the time. Besides, what was Ernie the town cop going to do? Come down to Milwaukee and get me? He knew I wouldn't show him the good Muskie fishing places if he did that.

Second dumbest money spent.......putting .50 cents in the dumbass parking meters in Missoula, then realizing I can park behind my brother-in-laws store for nothing.

I gotta thing for parking meters. I must think they're slot machines.

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Wow, you put a quarter of a cent in the parking meters, and the fine was only a tenth of a cent? You ARE old! 😉

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Cheesey - Sounds like you like American cuisine, which is awesome. I think American cuisine is underrated. Nothing I like better than a good quality steak, and there's no comfort food like meat & potatoes, no matter what anyone in any other culture thinks. They're wrong.

Problem with American cuisine though is that, well, you can't charge $100 for a meal.

The meal Wade had wasn't American. It was French gourmet and French gourmet is going to be more expensive. The presentation will be better as well, as they believe presentation is almost as important as the food itself.

Apples and oranges. Not saying which is better.

My real estate agent swears that foie gras is better than even the best steak. I don't know. Never had it and although I'm sure I'd like it, I just can't see anything being better than steak.

One thing that keeps the prices low for American food are Americans themselves. Americans will show up to a top of the line steak house with jeans and a t-shirt and tennis shoes. At a French gourmet restaurant, you're hitting Nordstrum before walking into it.

And like I implied, it has nothing to do with the food. I'm sure I would have loved being at your Thanksgiving dinner just as much as if I spent $180 on French food and had a bottle of wine. If I do the latter, it's either going to be with a mistress or with some real pretentious snobs who better know what they're talking about. (And no NSD, that girl I showed you is not my mistress. She's too stupid).

Best Thanksgiving meal I've ever had was with a Native American lady and her extended family. Of course, we called it an Unthanksgiving meal but there was everything on the table. The turkey was shot as were some other birds. Gravy was perfect. They cooked southern style greens which I love with a passion although they're not exactly good for you. Mashed potatoes had the right amount of salt and pepper and the perfect thickness. That was 15 years ago and I still remember the meal in exquisite detail.

This country's culture is underrated, as is its cuisine. Now you and Wade are both making me hungry. 😉

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C'mon. Anything cooked with pork fat is good for you. :)

Though I must admit, I only like greens like collard, mustard, spinach, etc. if I have hot sauce on 'em.

Agree completely with you on American foods. As long as it isn't (a) potlucks (b) overcooked vegetables (which I think is the Brits fault), or rutabagas/turnips.

As for Thanksgiving food, it's one reason I'd rather the Packers never played on Thanksgiving. A Thanksgiving spread should be savored over the table and conversation, not gobbled on paper plates in front of the tube.

It's also one of only two times a year I let myself eat pecan pie (the other being Christmas). Key ingredient in The Mom's recipe is maple syrup (rather than the corn syrup most recipes use). Takes it to another level, but its gotta be several thousand bad calories per slice, and it's really hard to eat just one slice. :)

And lets not forget the wonderful turkey sandwiches that the leftovers make.

Or the cranberries.

Never forget the one time I did a Thanksgiving dinner on my own. My first year in grad school. Most of the other Americans had gone home, so I invited students from the two Chinas, Korea, India, and Turkey for a full-blown all-the-fixins dinner at my studio apartment. Turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potatoes with brown sugar, steamed green beans. Even did cranberry sauce using fresh cranberries (which made a huge mess of my wall by the stove since I forgot to cover the raw cranberries before I cooked them. Oops!). I did cheat on the rolls -- I bought hard rolls from the bakery; I don't do the bake-bread thing. But I did do the pecan pie.

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Damn Wade. I'm gonna have to crash either yours or Cheesey's Thanksgivings one of these days.

Just curious. When people from Turkey eat turkey, is that cannibalism?

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