MontanaBob
12 years ago
My fellow Americans, Cubans, Mexicans, and anyone else that will vote in the up coming election, whether your legal or not!

What you see here is not what you think it is. My opponents have very skillfully pictured what they want you to believe is a poor, helpless squirrel with it's head trapped in a Halloween decoration. Not true!!! They want you to believe that I would let this squirrel run around all day, scaring the shit out of unsuspecting citizens; terrorizing happy neighborhoods like yours, and not do anything about this grave situation. NOT TRUE! READ MY LIPS! NOT TRUE!

This poor creature of Mother Nature or Mother Teresa, I forget which one, is the victim of cruel pranks by my opponents, intending to portray me as a cruel person who would stoop to this low level as to put a fun loving squirrel in this periless situation. These are tense and trying times in our country and all those other countries we owe money to, and I believe the only solution to this grave situation is a government bailout. I am proposing a Federal Bailout Program for this squirrel under the GTFMO act, which, for those of you who don't know, stands for "Get The Fuckin' Mask Off", to take affect immediately.

I also propose that my opponents donate 75% of their campaign funds to "Save the Squirrels". This organizations address is PO Box 000, Lolo Mt. I will accept checks, money orders, and cold, hard cash.

Thank you my fellow citizens. Remember to vote next Tuesday and those of you in Illinois, especially the Chicago area, vote often. Every vote counts.
Anyone for a Weenie Roast?
zombieslayer
12 years ago
Hmm.... 🤔

Well, if you appoint me as Director of GTFMO, you'll have my vote, along with my entire family's vote (there are 3 of us and we're from Illinois originally, so that's 50 or 60 votes, depending on how many dead people we can find).

I expect $300k a year in this position, plus I'll need a staff and two interns (preferably young, naive, and attractive females with low self-esteem but good intentions). Plus, danger pay which is $250/hr whenever we might think one of the squirrels has a possibility of being rabid.

I love animals and I also know how to look busy at work while doing very little, so I'll be the perfect person for this position.
My man Donald Driver
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MontanaBob
12 years ago
Zombie, you are in. If you look in the cemetery located in Oak Park, Ill, I'm sure you can find several hundred new voters. I believe one of my not so sane cousins put several in there, but no one could ever be sure. In fact we all believe he's in there somewhere too, but under an assumed name on the headstone.

You want blondes, brunettes or redheads?

Not so sure about the danger pay. Squirrels don't get rabies usually, but they sure go nuts.
Anyone for a Weenie Roast?
zombieslayer
12 years ago

Zombie, you are in. If you look in the cemetery located in Oak Park, Ill, I'm sure you can find several hundred new voters. I believe one of my not so sane cousins put several in there, but no one could ever be sure. In fact we all believe he's in there somewhere too, but under an assumed name on the headstone.

You want blondes, brunettes or redheads?

Not so sure about the danger pay. Squirrels don't get rabies usually, but they sure go nuts.

Originally Posted by: MontanaBob 



Red-heads, but I'm not too picky. There's beauty in them all.

As for squirrels not getting rabies, are we sure about that? I'll need another ten million to conduct a research study using some Grad students from UC Berkeley to verify that claim.

Wow. I'm a job creator. And by hiring me, you'll be known as one too.
My man Donald Driver
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2010 will be seen as the beginning of the new Packers dynasty. 🇹🇹 🇲🇲 🇦🇷
MontanaBob
12 years ago
Pretty sure about the squirrels. If they did get rabies, I would have been a goner many years ago. My fingers and lower arms have the teeth mark scars to show it. The moral here: Never try to feed a sleeping/angry/defiant/mad squirrel by hand.

I could be wrong, but I remember a time back where I read that most...key word here, MOST times squirrels do not carry rabies, but can inflect other serious things like teeth marks.

Are you sure you'll need only ten million? I was leaning on about 25 million. Want to do this right, don't we?
Anyone for a Weenie Roast?
PackFanWithTwins
12 years ago
I have decided tonight for Holloween, I am dressing up as Obama.

When kids come to my door, if I think they have done to well, I am going to take some of their candy and put it in my bowl so I can give it to some poor kid who hasn't gotten much. And if the kid is one of the top 1% of trick or treaters, I am going to have to take an ever greater portion because they can afford to give a little more.
The world needs ditch diggers too Danny!!!
+2
DakotaT
12 years ago

I have decided tonight for Holloween, I am dressing up as Obama.

When kids come to my door, if I think they have done to well, I am going to take some of their candy and put it in my bowl so I can give it to some poor kid who hasn't gotten much. And if the kid is one of the top 1% of trick or treaters, I am going to have to take an ever greater portion because they can afford to give a little more.

Originally Posted by: PackFanWithTwins 



I'm going to dress up as the Grim Reaper and use a real sickle and start taking heads. Somebody has to start the revolution.

I can't wait for the next 4 years of right wing whining. The first four have been awesome.
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zombieslayer
12 years ago

I'm going to dress up as the Grim Reaper and use a real sickle and start taking heads. Somebody has to start the revolution.

I can't wait for the next 4 years of right wing whining. The first four have been awesome.

Originally Posted by: DakotaT 



The left whines when the right is in power and the right whines when the left are in power.

What both don't realize is they both suck. We haven't had a decent President since JFK.
My man Donald Driver
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2010 will be seen as the beginning of the new Packers dynasty. 🇹🇹 🇲🇲 🇦🇷
zombieslayer
12 years ago

Pretty sure about the squirrels. If they did get rabies, I would have been a goner many years ago. My fingers and lower arms have the teeth mark scars to show it. The moral here: Never try to feed a sleeping/angry/defiant/mad squirrel by hand.

I could be wrong, but I remember a time back where I read that most...key word here, MOST times squirrels do not carry rabies, but can inflect other serious things like teeth marks.

Are you sure you'll need only ten million? I was leaning on about 25 million. Want to do this right, don't we?

Originally Posted by: MontanaBob 



Geez. I'm firing the guy who gave me that estimate. NEVER give me a low estimate. Always high-ball. Let's squeeze the taxpayers for all we can get out of them. I mean, uh, we'll need that money for research. 🤥
My man Donald Driver
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2010 will be seen as the beginning of the new Packers dynasty. 🇹🇹 🇲🇲 🇦🇷
Zero2Cool
12 years ago

The left whines when the right is in power and the right whines when the left are in power.

What both don't realize is they both suck. We haven't had a decent President since JFK.

Originally Posted by: zombieslayer 



Bill Clinton was decent, not on the level of JFK, but he was decent. His presidency was the last period where the economy was good.
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