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Offline djcubez  
#31 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:29:37 AM(UTC)
djcubez

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I've only been around here for a month but this entire post touches me just to be a part of a community that shows support like this.

Zero, I know I've never known you but I hope, pray, and wish you have the courage to survive this part of your life. It may seem bleak but there's plenty of opportunities in life for you to enjoy, I'm sure your mother wouldn't want you to dwell on her death but instead reflect on the good life that she led and all the memories she left behind. You have my respect and condolences.
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Offline Zero2Cool  
#32 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:29:53 AM(UTC)
Zero2Cool

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Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
Zero, I am truly sorry for your loss.

Time doesn't heal all wounds, but it will help dampen the pain. But for now, the best thing to do is to reach out to the people around you. Your family, your friends, your church. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone.

You will be in my prayers.

I've been reaching to everyone I can think of and them some. Normally I've been the person who just keeps things in and deals with them, but this is something I'm just not strong enough to overcome.



Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
Zero........don't be afraid to laugh. Your Mom would want you too, I'm SURE of that.
The sun will shine again........there is part of your Mom in you, and in your daughter.

I told myself that same thing. I was laughing at something in the radio and stopped right away an said sorry mom, don't think just because I'm laughing that means I miss you any less. Then thought I think she'd want me to be happy and not crying everyday. I mean she has to know I miss her, she has to.

Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
45 is WAY to young to go.
That's absolutely heartbreaking.

I'm so sorry to hear that, Zero. You've gone through a lot in the past few years and definitely don't need this right now. She is someone who was there for you and helped keep you together.

You'll be in my prayers tonight. I can't imagine what you're going through. I never had an experience this bad, so I don't think I could help you other than saying stay strong and stand tall. There are those who need you, especially your child. You need to stay strong. That's what your mother would have wanted.

Keiana is having a hard time understanding it all. I explained it to her once and that's all. She's only six. I will wait until she's older. Mom gave her some disney books awhile back and now those are the only books she wants me to read to her at night.


Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
Sorry to hear of this Zero. Can't even begin to say "I know how you feel" but I sure do know how I would feel...

I thought I knew how I'd feel, but its so much deeper a pain than I imagined.


Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
I've only been around here for a month but this entire post touches me just to be a part of a community that shows support like this.

Zero, I know I've never known you but I hope, pray, and wish you have the courage to survive this part of your life. It may seem bleak but there's plenty of opportunities in life for you to enjoy, I'm sure your mother wouldn't want you to dwell on her death but instead reflect on the good life that she led and all the memories she left behind. You have my respect and condolences.

I don't want to say its getting easier or better because it never will, but I think the more I talk to others, regardless of the topic I'm able to accept it more.







To all, sorry for the late replies, but Keiana was sick yesterday and I didn't get a chance to get on the computer. Thank you all for your time and comments, it means a lot to me. Thank you.
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Offline Cheesey  
#33 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:30:10 AM(UTC)
Cheesey

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Kevin....you don't have to apologize about anything. With what you are going through, and now your little girl being sick, to say you have alot on your plate is an understatement.
I know how having people there for you can be a great help. It doesn't show weakness that you can't handle this alone. To me, it takes a bigger man to admit he needs help, then to try to be "tough". When Jesus found out that his friend Lazurus died, he wept. My Dad taught me that scripture, and taught me never to be ashamed to show emotion.
We are still praying for your strength to get through this.
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Offline Zero2Cool  
#34 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:31:45 AM(UTC)
Zero2Cool

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This thread meant the most to me. I didn't want to lose it so I quoted everyone's response in order they were entered and carried them here.
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Offline longtimefan  
#35 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 11:01:18 AM(UTC)
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How has it been going?
Offline Zero2Cool  
#36 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 11:05:03 AM(UTC)
Zero2Cool

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Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
How has it been going?


I've taken the cowards way out and try to not think about her being gone and just remembering the good times.
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Online wpr  
#37 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 11:31:15 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
How has it been going?


I've taken the cowards way out and try to not think about her being gone and just remembering the good times.


It is not being a coward. Everyone grieve's in their own way. Out local Hospice has been wonderful offering all the support we need. Those that want to take part do. those that don't feel the need do not.

I am truely sorry for your loss. We are almost to the 1st year anniv for my father's death.
I think about him all the time. Just a few days ago my mother and I were talking and I had to catch myself before I said, "Let's ask Dad. He will know the answer."

Alan has been a huge help to me over the past year and during the months leading up to his passing.

The one thing that got me thru the hardest days was I know if my dad were still here, he would be suffering. I know he has gone on to a far better place and he is not in pain any longer. That's what I want for him so I am glad.
This past week my son and I went to ball game in St Louis. The is a brick paver with Dad's name on it. He loved the Cardinals. So we had a chance to take a few minutes and think about how he would have enjoyed the trip.
Trust in the Lord and he will bring you on thru.
"You don't hurt 'em if you don't hit 'em." Chesty Puller



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Offline 4PackGirl  
#38 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 11:42:54 AM(UTC)
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thank you for sharing this thread with us kevin. as you know, i somehow missed hearing about your mom. i've told you how i feel & how sorry i am that i couldn't be there for you. i am happy to see how my brothers & sisters on the site took such good care of you during that time - makes me very proud of each of you.

i talked to my dad alot that first year after he died. every morning, i went out on my back porch, looked up into the clouds, & said "mornin daddy". and i'd tell him all that the twins were learning to do & ask him for strength constantly to get through. nearly 3 years later & i find myself talking to him less & less. sometimes i feel like i'm turning my back on him & his memory but i'd rather think that he has in fact instilled in me the strength i prayed for to make it through.
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Online wpr  
#39 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 12:15:24 PM(UTC)
wpr

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I know we were speaking about your mother, Kevin but after PackGirl's recent post, I was reminded of the Ann Lander poem that I have on my desk. I have a slightly different version that this one but I wanted to share it with everyone.
"My Father" by Ann Landers

Quote:
My Father
by Ann Landers

My Dad Can Do Anything!!
A Child says at:
4 years: My daddy can do anything.
7 years: My dad knows a lot, a whole lot.
8 years: My father doesn't know quite everything.
12 years: Oh, well, naturally Father doesn't know that, either.
14 years: Father? Hopelessly old-fashioned.
21 years: Oh, that man is out-of-date. What did you expect?
25 years: He knows a little bit about it, but not much.
30 years: Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks.
35 years: A little patience. Let's get Dad's
assessment before we do anything.
50 years: I wonder what Dad would have thought
about that. He was pretty smart.
60 years: My dad knew absolutely everything!
65 years: "I'd give anything if Dad were here so I could talk this over
with him. I really miss that man."


Mothers are no less important by the way.
"You don't hurt 'em if you don't hit 'em." Chesty Puller



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Offline Cheesey  
#40 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 2:54:09 PM(UTC)
Cheesey

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Zero.........after both my parents died, i found myself temporarily forgetting they were gone. I would think "I'm gonna give mom a call".......then reality would hit like a ton of bricks. Or i would have a dream, where they were with me, and I'd wake up happy, for about a half minute.........you have to deal with it whats best for you. Little by little you will learn how to handle remembering she's not here, and it will be replaced with the undying love you have for her.
My mom said "No one is truely gone, as long as there is someone left here that remembers them."
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Offline Zero2Cool  
#41 Posted : Friday, May 1, 2009 3:19:34 PM(UTC)
Zero2Cool

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It was one year yesterday. It's incredible how the pain feels the same, it's just not fair. I've tried so many things to block it out, but it keeps coming back, sometimes stronger.
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Online wpr  
#42 Posted : Friday, May 1, 2009 3:55:34 PM(UTC)
wpr

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I know what you mean all too well.
My Dad's 2 year 'anniversary" is just around the corner. Being a farmer in his youth, this was his favorite time of the year. So that makes me think about him every day (several times a day.) I want to pick up the phone and tell him what I just saw out in a field or a pick of equipment that I sw going down the road.

Spring Training was very hard for me too. I wanted to talk Cardinals baseball with him. I use to email him articles and then put my comments into the storyline.

We never get over them. I don't really think we should.

This year most of the family will be getting together for my mother's 75 b-day. It is just a couple of weeks before we get to "Dad's Graduation Day". It will help her to have so many of us around. Too bad we can't simply stay together for a few weeks and lean on each other's shoulders a bit more.

I was just talking about some of my dad's little quirks this morning. What I wouldn't give to go thru that one more time.
"You don't hurt 'em if you don't hit 'em." Chesty Puller



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Offline Cheesey  
#43 Posted : Friday, May 1, 2009 8:48:17 PM(UTC)
Cheesey

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Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
It was one year yesterday. It's incredible how the pain feels the same, it's just not fair. I've tried so many things to block it out, but it keeps coming back, sometimes stronger.

I'd be more concerned if it WASN'T the same.
I had a dream about my Dad a couple nights ago.......I saw him in a crowd, caught up to him, and started talking with him.
Then i woke up......crying.
He's been gone 35 years now.
If you love someone, and lose them, the pain never goes away. You just learn how to live with the loss. Everyone goes through it at sometime in their lives.
Just know that in that, you are NOT alone.
I KNOW how you feel.
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Offline Blitz  
#44 Posted : Monday, May 4, 2009 2:41:52 PM(UTC)
Blitz

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Not a fun club to be a member of, but know you are not alone.
Time will indeed make it easier, but it will never be the same.
blank
Offline Zero2Cool  
#45 Posted : Monday, May 4, 2009 3:20:47 PM(UTC)
Zero2Cool

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Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
my wife lost her dad this year. it was really tough for her. her dad was a very, very special guy. i feel so badly for my wife and her mom. my father in law was a really unique guy, and i am so lucky to have known this man.

some nights are very hard for her, the memories are so great, and it is so difficult to believe he is gone. lung cancer took my father-in-law in 21 days.

honestly, what has not only gotten her, my mother-in-law, and my sister-in-law, through it all, is each other.

if you have siblings, spend time with them, and try to live the life like your mom would want.

my wife's family does alot of camping. when her dad was alive, on every trip we went camping, he would always make a remark when we would see a hawk flying over the road.

now, when we see a hawk flying, my wife and i always say that it is her dad watching over us.

i just try to make my wife feel as good as i can. if she wants to cry. i let her cry until she has nothing left. hold her, tell her i love her, and i will take care of her, and that is all i can do.

i do not know what the circumstances are that took your mom from you. i tell my wife, her dad is no longer stuck in that old, tired, sick body. he is free, and happy, as should she.

peace out brother, god bless you, and stay strong.




Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
I'm very sorry for both of your losses :(

I was thinking about her and I know this is an extremely selfish thought, but I keep hating myself for not being there at her side those last hours. I can't help but feel like I failed her, let her down. And I know it's just me feeling sorry for myself and I need to keep the mindset of she's in a better place now. It's just hard times to imagine there being a better place in or outside of this world that doesn't involve having her two sons at her side.



Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
Kevin,
You did not let your mother down. You did not fail her. That is not possible. Don't torment yourself. It only hurts you.
Not everyone can be right there by their loved one's side. The author of the book "Tuesday's with Morrie" wrote how a dying man, Morrie, told his sons not to drop everything to come back home and watch him die. That means the disease wins three times not once. (He had 2 sons.) He (Morrie) knows that his sons love him. He knows that they (his sons) know that he loves them. I found that interesting.




Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
I'm writing a book about what I went through. Chances are it will never be published but I will try anyway.

It's on the Internet right now, it's in its final editing and I'm having some friends review it. The project started out as a series of rural landscapes but as I worked on the the photographs I became aware of how metaphors in the land paralleled what we go through in life. Thus, a narrative has been written to accompany the photographs.

Anyone here good at proofreading and editing?

Those of you who have suffered great loss, there is nothing I can say to ease the hurt inside. All I know is those we leave behind would want us to enjoy the days we're allowed to have.
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