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Offline Zero2Cool  
#1 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:15:19 AM(UTC)
Zero2Cool

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Many of us have lost someone special in our lives and some handle it better than others. As I found out Wednesday, I am not one who handles it well.

I'm hesitant to post this because of how unpleasant some people can be and how public of a place it is. Also the fear that It'd be thought that I'm looking for pity or things like that. I'm not. I'm only asking for advice. Because right now, I'm lost.

Yes, I know some here follow the lead of some bad apples who simply don't know me well enough to make an accurate judgment of me. I'm not worried about those comments. I am willing to take the good with the bad. There are many more good souls on this forum than not.

I don't want to burden anyone. It feels like most people are afraid to talk to me because they fear saying the wrong thing. I used to be one of those people. I now realize that just about anything is good to hear. Just hearing a voice or socializing with someone, makes it feel better.

I've talked with my family, friends and more family and friends. They are handling this far better than I am. So please forgive me for asking for your help, but as I said earlier, I am lost with out mom.

I really don't even know if this is an appropriate thing to do, but my world has been turned upside down. If you can offer any advice or comments or anything, I'd appreciate it. Thank you for your time.

Edited by user Tuesday, April 30, 2013 9:28:07 AM(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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Offline Pack93z  
#2 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:15:35 AM(UTC)
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First Zero, I am truly sorry to hear of your loss, times now can be extremely difficult and reaching out is not a bad thing whatsoever.

I consider alot of folks here like family, an for me that is not an easy thing, I am usually very cautious with letting folks get close to me, like layers I don't let many past that first layer or two. So I don't for a second think you are out of place or asking for anything but a little help. Mighty brave of you for doing so.

I learned about 20 years ago that life has many dramatic ups and downs, enjoy the ups and learn how to accept, navigate and survive the lows. Losing someone in your life, a parent, spouse or child has got to be the worst of times. Somehow you need to call upon your inner strength, for your child, for yourself to find that next step of acceptance. Not an easy task no doubt, but you need to find somehow to take that next step.

Lean on whomever you need to, when times look bleak pick up the phone and call anyone that can if nothing else listen to what you need to release, but keep finding a way to make that next step to finding your way past your loss.

PM me if you would like... I will gladly give you my cell number in which you can call anytime you need to talk about whatever.. just shoot the breeze about the Packers.. sometimes I might be a little outspoken, but I listen well when needed.
I think when there's enough will and aggression, there's no shortage of talent either.

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Offline longtimefan  
#3 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:15:50 AM(UTC)
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One thing that might help is write a email/letter to your mom..Or SPEAK to her as if she is right there with you ( I am under the impression it is your mom)

Let out all your emotions, tell her the things YOU always wanted to say to her..

Once you do that KEEP doing it, until you start to feel better..

I am a firm believer that ones passed on can and do hear us..

It is an old cliche, but as time goes on, it WILL get better
Offline Zero2Cool  
#4 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:16:08 AM(UTC)
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Thank you. Finding the next step I think is the hardest thing, but good advice. I'm pretty much trying to take it one day at a time, but finding myself trying to figure out how to pass by the next hour. I want to be left alone, but once alone I'm trying to think of who I can call, visit or whatnot.
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Offline longtimefan  
#5 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:16:47 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
Thank you. Finding the next step I think is the hardest thing, but good advice. I'm pretty much trying to take it one day at a time, but finding myself trying to figure out how to pass by the next hour. I want to be left alone, but once alone I'm trying to think of who I can call, visit or whatnot.


And that is when speaking to her will some what ease the pain...

It might not help but it won't hurt that is for sure..Unless your on a bus and talking to the air saying I love you and miss you..

People might think your a Bears fan and smack ya
Offline Pack93z  
#6 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:17:10 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
Thank you. Finding the next step I think is the hardest thing, but good advice. I'm pretty much trying to take it one day at a time, but finding myself trying to figure out how to pass by the next hour. I want to be left alone, but once alone I'm trying to think of who I can call, visit or whatnot.


Well I completely understand the wanting to be left alone part.. that is my normal avenue... isolation, but believe me that is a double edged sword... your mind wears on you when left alone to do nothing but dwell on your thoughts... find a balance quickly.

Although I have never tried it, Longtime's idea may help.

As far as the next step, you will find it if you keep your wits about you.. it very well might be something very abstract, but something to draw your interest and provide a drive of sorts.

For me, when I was in my darkest hour it was computers.. building them and tearing back apart.. something time consumming but at the same time I could see the results quickly and always something new to try.. soon the other pieces of life just kind of fell into place and the next steps became clear or at least they became visible.
I think when there's enough will and aggression, there's no shortage of talent either.

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Offline Zero2Cool  
#7 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:17:29 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
One thing that might help is write a email/letter to your mom..Or SPEAK to her as if she is right there with you ( I am under the impression it is your mom)

Let out all your emotions, tell her the things YOU always wanted to say to her..

Once you do that KEEP doing it, until you start to feel better..

I am a firm believer that ones passed on can and do hear us..

It is an old cliche, but as time goes on, it WILL get better


About speaking to her as if she were there. At work today I was going over the skywalk between the two buildings. It's about three football fields long and I'm not a fan of heights so I usually talk to myself to help me through the jitters. I started talking to mom and I looked over wondering why she wasn't saying anything back. She wasn't there and I just started tearing up.

It does help to speak to her as if she's able to hear me.
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Offline DGB454  
#8 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:17:53 AM(UTC)
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First let me say I am very sorry about your loss. The pain will ease with time but I know that at this moment that may not be what you want. It seems like a betrayal of the one you loved if the pain eases. You have to go through your grieving. Believe it or not that is part of the healing. The pain will eventually give way somewhat and memories will take it's place. Those memories, friends and family will be what helps you go on. Keep reaching out when you need to and be alone when you need to.

It's rare these days to see a bomd between a mother and son like it sounds like you had with your mother. I think that is a testament to her and the love she had for you. You are very lucky to have been able to share that kind of love with someone. We should all be so lucky.

Time heals all wounds. We will be here to help that time pass a little easier.
Offline jdlax  
#9 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:18:16 AM(UTC)
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I'm so sorry to hear about your loss Kevin. I don't even handle the loss of pets at all well; I can't imagine going through what you are. If you'd like to talk about anything let me know. I have your number kicking around here somewhere.
blank
Offline Cheesey  
#10 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:19:01 AM(UTC)
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Oh Zero.........my heart goes out to you. I KNOW how you feel......I have been there, with both my parents.
Time does make it easier, in some ways. But the pain never goes away, you just learn to live with it. My Mom has been gone 18 years, my Dad 34 years. I STILL miss them, and dream about them.
Take one day at a time, and talk to your Mom. There will be times when you, for a split second, forget she's gone. You will find yourself thinking "I'm gonna give Mom a call" and then reality will hit. For me, those were some of the hardest times.
But KNOW I'm here for you, and will NOT belittle you in any way, shape, or form. You have lost a HUGE part of your life, and nothing or no one can fill that void.
If you want to PM me, and talk how you feel, i will try to help you through this.
Again, i an SO sorry to hear of your loss. :(
I wish there were magic words to make it easier for you, to make the pain go away. But i know no such words exist.
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Offline Heatherthepackgirl  
#11 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:19:20 AM(UTC)
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Zero, I am so sorry to hear about your loss!! I haven't lost a parent yet and can't imagine what you are going through. As most of you know my Mom is in bad shape and I think what am I going to do without her in my life. She no longer speaks on the telephone so if I dont go there to visit I dont talk to her, she was always the person that I could count on for advice or just plain talk to her about anything I so miss those days.

My advice would be to remember the good times, and LT's advice is good advice, I find myself always talking to my Mom when I am having a bad day, she isnt there answering me but somehow I find it very comforting to just believe I am talking to her. But your Mom will always live through you, there are so many things that I say and do and I think, gosh that is what my Mom would do in this situation. I am my Mom in lots of ways, she has taught me so much in life.

Its always great to have friends you can go to, just to laugh, hang out, and talk. This is what friends are for and if you want to PM me I can try and help you as best that I can.

You will be in my prayers Zero!
Heathiee
Offline Zero2Cool  
#12 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:19:43 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
First let me say I am very sorry about your loss. The pain will ease with time but I know that at this moment that may not be what you want. It seems like a betrayal of the one you loved if the pain eases. You have to go through your grieving. Believe it or not that is part of the healing. The pain will eventually give way somewhat and memories will take it's place. Those memories, friends and family will be what helps you go on. Keep reaching out when you need to and be alone when you need to.

It's rare these days to see a bomd between a mother and son like it sounds like you had with your mother. I think that is a testament to her and the love she had for you. You are very lucky to have been able to share that kind of love with someone. We should all be so lucky.

Time heals all wounds. We will be here to help that time pass a little easier.


I've been really close with both of my parents. My mom and I did have a pretty special bond. I've been very fortunate that my mother and father and myself have gotten along very well.


Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss Kevin. I don't even handle the loss of pets at all well; I can't imagine going through what you are. If you'd like to talk about anything let me know. I have your number kicking around here somewhere.


I hear you about the pets thing. I've tried staying away from having pets. I just don't handle death well at all. I'm not sure anyone handles it well though.














Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
Time my packer friend, time.


That's what I keep telling myself too. Just easier said than done.




Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
Oh Zero.........my heart goes out to you. I KNOW how you feel......I have been there, with both my parents.
Time does make it easier, in some ways. But the pain never goes away, you just learn to live with it. My Mom has been gone 18 years, my Dad 34 years. I STILL miss them, and dream about them.
Take one day at a time, and talk to your Mom. There will be times when you, for a split second, forget she's gone. You will find yourself thinking "I'm gonna give Mom a call" and then reality will hit. For me, those were some of the hardest times.
But KNOW I'm here for you, and will NOT belittle you in any way, shape, or form. You have lost a HUGE part of your life, and nothing or no one can fill that void.
If you want to PM me, and talk how you feel, i will try to help you through this.
Again, i an SO sorry to hear of your loss. :(
I wish there were magic words to make it easier for you, to make the pain go away. But i know no such words exist.


I have no clue how you went through this twice. Truly amazing. Your comment about living with pain. I've always had a high threshold with pain, but this is not a bruised leg, or smashed finger or anything like that. This is much deeper and far harder to cope.

I wish there was some magic words too. I'd copy and paste them or voicemail them and send them to you a million times over for the pain you've had to deal with. I kind of feel guilty for feeling sad about my loss. Like yourself many have suffered greater losses. I've been trying to keep myself positive and be thankful for the years I had her in my life and cherish the memories.









Originally Posted by: " Go to Quoted Post
Zero, I am so sorry to hear about your loss!! I haven't lost a parent yet and can't imagine what you are going through. As most of you know my Mom is in bad shape and I think what am I going to do without her in my life. She no longer speaks on the telephone so if I dont go there to visit I dont talk to her, she was always the person that I could count on for advice or just plain talk to her about anything I so miss those days.

My advice would be to remember the good times, and LT's advice is good advice, I find myself always talking to my Mom when I am having a bad day, she isnt there answering me but somehow I find it very comforting to just believe I am talking to her. But your Mom will always live through you, there are so many things that I say and do and I think, gosh that is what my Mom would do in this situation. I am my Mom in lots of ways, she has taught me so much in life.

Its always great to have friends you can go to, just to laugh, hang out, and talk. This is what friends are for and if you want to PM me I can try and help you as best that I can.

You will be in my prayers Zero!


I've been talking to my mom pretty much non stop when I am alone. Hearing others say to do that made me feel less crazy. When I found out she had passed, I was driving up north to be there with my family. I caught myself talking to her and thought, stop talking, you'll see her in an hour.
Then I seen her in the funeral forum, laying motionless. I wanted to grab her arm an tug an say 'mom cmon lets go, lets get out of here'. I just wanted to tell her a story to make her laugh an smile again, just one more time.








Thank you all for the advice and kind words. It means a lot to me. You aren't my family and you still took the time and that means a lot to me. Thank you.
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Offline bozz_2006  
#13 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:20:14 AM(UTC)
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Zero, can I offer some prayers for you?
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Offline Zero2Cool  
#14 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:20:36 AM(UTC)
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Most definitely.
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Offline Cheesey  
#15 Posted : Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:21:04 AM(UTC)
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Zero......i saw what you wrote before you pulled it. I don't know why you did, but you didn't have too.
You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. I didn't post what i have endured to make you feel that your loss is in any way less then mine.
You have lost one of the most important people in your life. NO reason to feel that your loss is any less then mine.
The only reason i told you of mine was to let you know that i KNOW how you feel, and am here for you. I wish i could actually be with you, to try to comfort you. It's hard when it's just a computer screen, to really be able to SHOW someone how they ache for you.
Your a good man, and i'm SURE your Mom is proud of you!!!
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