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Offline PackFanWithTwins  
#16 Posted : Thursday, April 11, 2013 5:40:39 PM(UTC)
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Am I missing something? You stated that his license is revoked. How do the kids visit him if he can't drive (legally). That sounds like something that should definately impact visitation schedule. How far apart are you and the ex? One option to look at instead of going back to court is mediation. Less attorney involvement, and they seem to be more willing to listen to the kids wishes. But before you do either, make sure it is what they want. He could not want to go now, but still not want the "official" visitation to change.

You can only control what you can control. Try to not discuss or talk about what goes on with the ex. as much as possible. When they return, find out what you need to know, and then try to be a normal family as much as possible. And when they go back, reinforce that if they fear for their safety it is ok to protect themselves by contacting who ever they can, whether police, you or somebody else in the area that they know and you may trust to help them in your place.

I worry some about therapy. I think it might keep him from being able to let go, move on and get past what might have gone on. I think if you let him air out what went on, and how he feels right away, get it off his chest, and then only if he wants to. I would highly suggest avoiding medication at all cost if possible.

While my father didn't put me in danger, he wasn't present. The relationship with my mother and my step-father is what I grew up to appreciate. I ended up calling my step-father DAD and my father was just my father. Put as much effort into you time with them, and less into their time with him.
The world needs ditch diggers to Danny!!!
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Offline 4PackGirl  
#17 Posted : Friday, April 12, 2013 12:59:28 AM(UTC)
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his parents drive him. he lives with his grandmother most of the time & then when he has the boys for visitation, he goes & stays with his parents. we are 90 miles apart right now & have met in the middle for visitation pick ups since we moved.

talking about what's happening is what he does in therapy. he gets it off his chest, the therapist helps him make a plan for how to deal with certain situations in the future, we go home & we don't talk about it unless he comes to me.

cole has always been an anxious kid. that part isn't going to change just simply by 'talking it through'. i know people have different ideas on medications but my feeling is this - if this was a physical problem, i would do anything i could to help him, take him to every doctor i could find & get it resolved. it's no different with a mental health problem, in my opinion. we're not looking for some 'magic pill' to fix everything & he's gotten better in other aspects of his life with the anxiety - he just can't get over this one last hurdle. so, we're going to try meds & see where it leads us. watching your child in mental anguish is terrible. at 10, he's trying to understand why he's 'this way' & it's just heartbreaking.
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Offline 4PackGirl  
#18 Posted : Thursday, June 13, 2013 5:09:39 PM(UTC)
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UPDATE:

well here we are in june & the boys dad has now seen them 3 times since january.

cole is in therapy & has seen a psychiatrist who has diagnosed him with anxiety disorder.

he is on a very low dosage of zoloft.

his life here with us has been going much better & he's like his old self again.

he still refuses to go to his dads. after stressing myself out over it, i realized that he chose to see them only 3 times in 5 months, wtf am i so worried about?? he's the one responsible for whatever relationship he has with his boys - not me.

it's awkward, strange, & stressful for all of us because their dad is putting more pressure on them to come now.
we're hanging in here though. i just calmly tell cole that whatever he wants to do or not do is ok & we'll deal with it.
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SINCITYCHEEZE on 6/14/2013(UTC)
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