wpr
  • wpr
  • Preferred Member
11 years ago

she called me today & had to tell me about some of her friends who forgot things recently. she could hardly wait to call me to 'prove' that everyone is forgetful at times. once again laughing the entire time at me.
wow, i must be an idiot to have believed for one second she would take something i said seriously.
after all, i'm the piece of shit child that does everything i can for her, cares about her no matter what, while my brother (the golden child) does nothing but verbally abuse her, & avoids her at all costs.
i feel like a fool & i'm heartbroken.

but one thing i can say is how grateful i am to have all of you to 'talk' to. you really are family to me. the only support system i have is my husband, a few close friends, & all of you. a million times thank you to you all.

Originally Posted by: 4PackGirl 



common Julie you are better than that. Your mother is Don Quixote jousting windmills, the little Dutch boy with his finger in the dyke. She is trying desperately to hold off the inevitable. But she still loves you. Sounds like She simply isn't good about showing it.

In the end she will appreciate you and your sacrifices. She simply may not be able to show you.

I like Troy's suggestion of prove it. She won't go for it but I like it.

My brother the doctor convinced Mom to do the testing only as a baseline for the future. Mom was stunned by the results. I am not certain I would have been able to convince her to go.
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macbob
11 years ago

she called me today & had to tell me about some of her friends who forgot things recently. she could hardly wait to call me to 'prove' that everyone is forgetful at times.

Originally Posted by: 4PackGirl 



Julie--my mom had the same initial reaction--defensive, denial, spouting examples of others forgetting things. That's all an emotional reaction, don't take it personally. If she's like my mom, she's scared.

My mom didn't want to go get tested initially, either. We told her that there could be other issues besides alzheimers causing mental confusion. Diabetes (& fluctuating blood sugar levels), medication, inadequate sleep. We told our mom that we had noticed changes lately and that we felt she should get a check-up so that if something was causing problems it could be treated.

If she's like my mom, she's noticed she's having difficulties remembering things. There were some recent events that my mom didn't remember, she started to forget things like paying some bills, she'd confuse what she had done that day with the day before, etc.

It was a couple of months, but mom agreed to get tested.

In the meantime, we reassured mom that we loved her and were concerned about her, that we would be there for her no matter what, that we'd take the best care of her we could, that she wouldn't be alone.

Hang in there. It's not easy. Give your mom hugs, tell her you love her.
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4PackGirl
11 years ago
it's just hard & this isn't the first time something i've tried to do for her has blown up in my face.
i'm allowed to be hurt by this. sure i'll get past it but for right now, i'm upset.
she's acting like an immature child instead of taking some time to really absorb what i said to her which is not atypical of her BUT usually when it involves her health, she's very proactive. not this time - at least not yet.
when you've spent your entire life trying to live up to the expectations of someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally, trust me - it tends to put a chip on your shoulder. of course i love her, she's my mom but i've been beating my head against a wall for 43 years & dammit - i've got a f'in headache!!!
wpr
  • wpr
  • Preferred Member
11 years ago

it's just hard & this isn't the first time something i've tried to do for her has blown up in my face.
i'm allowed to be hurt by this. sure i'll get past it but for right now, i'm upset.
she's acting like an immature child instead of taking some time to really absorb what i said to her which is not atypical of her BUT usually when it involves her health, she's very proactive. not this time - at least not yet.
when you've spent your entire life trying to live up to the expectations of someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally, trust me - it tends to put a chip on your shoulder. of course i love her, she's my mom but i've been beating my head against a wall for 43 years & dammit - i've got a f'in headache!!!

Originally Posted by: 4PackGirl 



yes you are allowed to be hurt by it. We are just trying to pick you up and dust you off and get you back into the game.
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Wade
  • Wade
  • Veteran Member
11 years ago

it's just hard & this isn't the first time something i've tried to do for her has blown up in my face.
i'm allowed to be hurt by this. sure i'll get past it but for right now, i'm upset.
she's acting like an immature child instead of taking some time to really absorb what i said to her which is not atypical of her BUT usually when it involves her health, she's very proactive. not this time - at least not yet.
when you've spent your entire life trying to live up to the expectations of someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally, trust me - it tends to put a chip on your shoulder. of course i love her, she's my mom but i've been beating my head against a wall for 43 years & dammit - i've got a f'in headache!!!

Originally Posted by: 4PackGirl 



Ah, so do I, but you're a married woman and its 8:30 a.m. besides. What am *I* to do? :-"

Sorry, that just slipped out. Must be the cumulative effect of all those DakotaT and vikesrule "debates". Slap me!

But seriously, your reactions are perfectly understandable. I know what its to deal with such a mother and it sucks big time. And when mental decline (hers) gets piled on top of things, it makes me want to go screaming into the night, crawl under the dining room table and curl up, get drunk, or some combination of the three.

So be upset. Nothing wrong with that. IMO, and I'm sure Wayne and everyone else here agree, there'd be something wrong with you if you didn't get upset at such a thing.

I find having a old pillow to abuse helps, too.

[grin1]


And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
wpr
  • wpr
  • Preferred Member
11 years ago



I find having a old pillow to abuse helps, too.

[grin1]

Originally Posted by: Wade 



now that is just plain disgusting. 😳 at least take it the back alley.
UserPostedImage
Porforis
11 years ago

You should tell her you need her to prove you wrong by going in for some testing. The problem with our older generation (like VR) is that they still operate motor vehicles and endager others. My partners Dad hit a parked car and doesn't remember what happens. He no longer gets to drive.

Originally Posted by: DakotaT 



If I were your grandma and you told me that, I'd probably tell you to stop telling me what to do and that I had nothing to prove. And then probably bake you some cookies or something.

One of my grandmas (mother's side) was always a cautious driver (and a good driver, at least as good as someone that was 85 at the time can be), the other was a terror on the road, oftentimes driving faster than I do (which is fast). Guess which one gave up the keys and house willingly and without being asked to and which one needed one, two, three, four talks?
Pack93z
11 years ago

it's just hard & this isn't the first time something i've tried to do for her has blown up in my face.
i'm allowed to be hurt by this. sure i'll get past it but for right now, i'm upset.
she's acting like an immature child instead of taking some time to really absorb what i said to her which is not atypical of her BUT usually when it involves her health, she's very proactive. not this time - at least not yet.
when you've spent your entire life trying to live up to the expectations of someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally, trust me - it tends to put a chip on your shoulder. of course i love her, she's my mom but i've been beating my head against a wall for 43 years & dammit - i've got a f'in headache!!!

Originally Posted by: 4PackGirl 



No doubt you are allowed to be hurt by this, I don't think anyone is thinking differently. But understanding why she is reacting to your best intentions is the key to getting over it, at least it would be for myself. We have the benefit of removing the emotions from the situation.

Doing the right thing for others, especially dealing with emotionally charged subjects, is rarely going to be easy. From your description of her, she is a strong willed pride filled woman. Showing any weakness that others can see, even family, is utmost difficult. I am sure she knows there are instances where you are spot on, but admitting that admits weakness. And I am sure there is some hurt on her part because she wants to be the pillar. Probably why you feel your brother is the golden child, he challenges her at every turn, regardless of his intentions she probably strives to prove him wrong at every turn. Another reason you probably feel pushed aside, as you have always been a support for her, this mention or suggestion on your part probably caught her off guard somewhat.

I guess this is the way I see it, and yes I don't have the emotional element to deal with, but you have now planted the seed. She will be on guard for signs, and while she might deny them for a while, sooner or later she will have to accept and deal with it. And it will be something that she will monitor for sometime to come, because her pride and independence will compel her to do so.

So yes, you got handed the shit sandwich for bringing it to her attention, but at the end of the day, I think you did the right thing. Awareness is the first step, acceptance will be the second. That part, she is going to have to come to on her own accord and more than likely until she hits that stage, nothing you do will speed that along.

I applaud you and any other that have that strength to have that talk with your parents, your personal heroes. I hope I have the same strength when called upon.
"The oranges are dry; the apples are mealy; and the papayas... I don't know what's going on with the papayas!"
Wade
  • Wade
  • Veteran Member
11 years ago

now that is just plain disgusting. 😳 at least take it the back alley.

Originally Posted by: wpr 



(Noting for future reference that wpr appears to be the fundraising chair for the Society for the Prevention of Abuse and Cruelty to Stuffed Pillows.) 🤔
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
4PackGirl
11 years ago
and once again, thank you my amazing family for lifting me up, giving me strength, & helping me get over the hurt.

took some deep breaths this morning, enjoyed getting my boys ready for school, looked into their adorable faces, & thought 'ok, jules - get outta this funk, pull yourself together, & remember you are in charge of your emotions'!!

so i put a big smile on my face & got my ass movin.
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