Trippster
15 years ago
Found on Deadspin. Bad language but funny as ever!



0-16 Is Upon Us. Jamboroo, Week 11, Featuring King Diamond, Poop, And Mongolian Wok
By Drew Magary, 2:20 PM on Thu Nov 13 2008, 15,623 views


Drew Magarys Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs, well, every Thursday afternoon during the NFL season. Drews new book, Men With Balls, featuring 100% new material, is available RIGHT FUCKING NOW in stores and online here. You can email Drew here. Read him during the week at KSK.

The Detroit Lions are going to go 0-16 this year. Its gonna happen. No joke. Look at their remaining schedule: at Carolina, vs. Tampa, vs. Tennnessee, vs. Minnesota, at Indy, vs. New Orleans, and at Green Bay. With the exception of the Vikings (who can shit the bed against anyone) and maybe the Saints, that is a fucking brutal stretch for any team, much less one that is utterly dead inside. The Lions are fucked. And that is awesome.

We were so close to getting an 0-16 team last year. Those little Miami cockteases were just the kind of rudderless, shitty team that seemed up to the task. But nooooo, they had to go and win in overtime against the Ravens and ruin the fun for everyone. What a bunch of selfish pricks. You should have seen them celebrate after they won. Oooh! Look at us! We won one whole game! HOORAY FOR SELF ESTEEM! GIVE US A RIBBON! Losers. They must have taken douche-acting lessons from Mercury Morris.

Not this Detroit team. No, I have a complete absence of faith in this teams vomitous play. I really dont believe in them. Not only are they missing talent. And good coaching. And motivation. And a quarterback. But they also have that rare total lack of chemistry that you only see once in a generation. Its rare that you get to see a group of players come apart and play as none, like this team does.

I think Detroit fans deserve an 0-16 team, and I dont mean that as an insult. I mean, what more fitting way to cap the end of Matt Millens reign of fucktardedness than by going 0-16? What more proper legacy of shittiness can that idiot have bestowed upon that town? Look, if youre a Lion fan, and you had to sit through season after season of breathtaking incompetence, you should at least get a little memento for your trouble. You deserve, after years of watching teams that were merely shitty, to have the absolute SHITTIEST team of all time. You deserve that little piece of history. You deserve a chance to have an 0-16 NEVER FORGET tattoo emblazoned on your shoulder blade.

That way, you can hold it over the head of every other fan out there. Oh, you Cubs fans have had it rough, eh? WELL FUCK YOU IN THE PANTS. 0 and 16, you cunts. No one will ever again question your ability to tolerate ill-timed penalties, crucial drops, revolving door QBs, and mindless special teams gaffes. Its almost the same as bragging about having been in prison. And, if youre from Detroit, youre likely to have that on your resume as well.

You deserve a chance to tell your grandson about this team, to sit little Johnny on your lap and say, Oh, upset that I didnt get you a flying hoverboard for Christmas, are you? Well, you can get fucked, little Johnny. Because my team went 0-16 once. And I have arthritis now, so I cant go hoverboarding. I hope you get that new RoboAIDS, kid.

Most importantly, I want to make sure that Millen spends the rest of his life with that 0-16 scarlet letter tattooed on his big fat stupid head. I want him to go to his goddamn grave with people reminding him every five seconds that he was the arrogant, vacuum-headed tardbacker who assembled the absolute worst football team in the history of mankind. I want him to be permanently tarred by his glaring failure, unable to escape from its ever-looming shadow. Perhaps it could drive him to madness, as he spends his final days in the basement of a mental ward, writing out his name on the floor with his own feces.

I think Detroit fans deserve to have that happen. So get ready, everyone. History is about to be made.

The Games
"Let Your Light Shine!"
Packers_Finland
15 years ago
Funny.
This is a placeholder
Cheesey
15 years ago
"as he spends his final days in the basement of a mental ward, writing out his name on the floor with his own feces"


He'd probably spell his name wrong!!!LOLOL!!!
UserPostedImage
alharrisdude31
15 years ago
with the coaching staff they have?they may as well go 0-pi times 99999999(whatever that is)
Formo
15 years ago

with the coaching staff they have?they may as well go 0-pi times 99999999(whatever that is)

"alharrisdude31" wrote:



Alot.
UserPostedImage
Thanks to TheViking88 for the sig!!
dfosterf
15 years ago
I feel bad for Detroit. I got an idea. Let's give the team owner and his buddies 50 billion dollars. I'm sure that if they can build a car half as good as they build a team...well, that money will certainly be well-spent.


:thumbleft:
alharrisdude31
15 years ago

I feel bad for Detroit. I got an idea. Let's give the team owner and his buddies 50 billion dollars. I'm sure that if they can build a car half as good as they build a team...well, that money will certainly be well-spent.


:thumbleft:

"dfosterf" wrote:

they would waist all the money on Dante culpepper
Fan Shout
Mucky Tundra (5m) : Yes
Zero2Cool (1h) : No.
Mucky Tundra (3h) : End of a Degu-era
dhazer (4h) : Steelers sign Patterson because of new kickoff rule interesting
Zero2Cool (6h) : Former #Packers TE Josiah Deguara is signing a 1-year deal with the Jaguars, per source.
Zero2Cool (7h) : They do not do it for "content sake".
dfosterf (17h) : For the record, I enjoy Beast and Mucky drafts
Zero2Cool (27-Mar) : Haha
Mucky Tundra (27-Mar) : No time for talking! Back to work beast!
beast (27-Mar) : You saw only 4,201 of my mocks? 🥺 I think that means you missed more than half of them 😢
dfosterf (27-Mar) : Does anyone know what Lambeau field improvements got put on hold? My guess would be for the 2025 draft
Zero2Cool (27-Mar) : It's like listen, you made 4,201 mocks, no shit.
Zero2Cool (27-Mar) : Cuz during the draft "I had them mocked there!" as if it's amazing.
Zero2Cool (27-Mar) : They're fun to do once in awhile. It's people who think they are "content" that annoy me.
dfosterf (27-Mar) : Against tbd
dfosterf (27-Mar) : Answer to your question is yes, it's a Thursday, will be the Chiefs aga
dfosterf (27-Mar) : Luckily for all concerned, I don't post them. I did one, but that was like 25 mocks ago
Zero2Cool (27-Mar) : NFL 2024 gonna start Sept 5th isn't it???
Zero2Cool (27-Mar) : Ugh... kids these days!
dfosterf (27-Mar) : I'm gonna go do some more mock draft hell instead 🤪
Zero2Cool (27-Mar) : Did we do one of those prediction threads yet for 2024 season?
dfosterf (27-Mar) : In my city, they are playing the nimby game, in order to keep some railroad tracks vs. 2 professional sports teams and a concert venue.
dfosterf (27-Mar) : And/Or a city council, of which I haven't seen a good one in a very long time
dfosterf (27-Mar) : That sounds like a Mayor, not a city.
buckeyepackfan (26-Mar) : Packers halt scheduled 80mil upgrade of stadium until lease agreement talks are restarted
Zero2Cool (26-Mar) : City of Green Bay puts Packers' Lambeau Field lease talks on hold
buckeyepackfan (26-Mar) : Packers 1 of 3 teams to vote no on new kickoff rule.
Zero2Cool (26-Mar) : Packers sign another Kicker
dfosterf (26-Mar) : Lengthy explanation at PFF if you click the link
dfosterf (26-Mar) : Kickoff rules officially changed.ngthy explan
Zero2Cool (26-Mar) : lol
Cheesey (26-Mar) : 2009? No thanks! One open heart surgery is enough!
dfosterf (26-Mar) : Good for you!
Zero2Cool (26-Mar) : Yes. That's the one.
dfosterf (26-Mar) : Is that "Lady Dugan" per chance?
dfosterf (26-Mar) : Crystal?
dfosterf (26-Mar) : Please refresh my memory
Zero2Cool (26-Mar) : Alan posts. Crystal back in my life. It's 2009 all over again! Lol
Mucky Tundra (26-Mar) : BAH GAWD! THAT'S CHEESEYS MUSIC!
Zero2Cool (25-Mar) : Gutekunst said early stages of Jordan Love contract being discussed.
Zero2Cool (25-Mar) : Shouldn't be penalized cuz official screwed up
Zero2Cool (25-Mar) : Yeah, challenge until you are incorrect twice.
Zero2Cool (25-Mar) : Fining them is the goal, per the people who made the rule anyway.
dfosterf (25-Mar) : Still waiting on the kickoff rule changes. Did hear yesterday that the touchback proposal will now be the 30 yard line, not the 35
dfosterf (25-Mar) : Probably speed of game issues with your proposal
dfosterf (25-Mar) : Hopefully the refs don't get in the habit of throwing flags on this
beast (25-Mar) : I think when it comes to Challenges should get two strikes, so unlimited challenges as long as they keep winning them, but 2 wrong then done
dfosterf (25-Mar) : Still subject to the fines etc
dfosterf (25-Mar) : Yes, I should have been more specific. Also, they are now saying it would be a 15 yard penalty. That makes more sense .
beast (25-Mar) : Simply fined in the week to follow
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